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3 years in....trust

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Loyaltoafault posted 10/22/2013 18:25 PM

It took 3 years for me to get to trust him. Now that we are back, I see old patterns already emerging...white lies, less sex, more porn. I am worried WH is bored without the chase. Any thoughts?

authenticnow posted 10/22/2013 18:39 PM

Hi,

Welcome to SI! I'm sure you will find the support you need here.

Have you talked to your H about your concerns about his going back to old patterns? Any lying is unacceptable. Have you called him on this?

throughthetunnel posted 10/22/2013 21:10 PM

Yes, have you discussed it?

SorrowBhindSmile posted 10/23/2013 11:38 AM

this is something i worry about often with my WH. I am only 10 months out from DDay....but there have been 2 small incidents of his behavior regressing to "old ways". I immediately called him out on it....we talked it thru....and talked it thru...and talked it thru some more until he HEARD ME and REALLY UNDERSTOOD why i felt the way i did....why his behavior was unacceptable and would not be tolerated.

I know we still have more to learn, and a long way to go working thru R, and i know there will be mistakes along the way...but i know enough to know i will never EVER allow things to go back to the old ways. I will never EVER accept WH regressing to ANY past behaviors. he wants to watch porn....he knows where the door is. He wants to lie to me.....he knows where the door is....and if it hits him in the ass on the way out, well, score one for the door.

Sit down and make a list of all the behaviors you find disrespectful and regressing.(this is just a list for you to organize your thoughts and feelings) Really think about exactly what he is doing and WHY you feel like it is an old pattern. Talk to him. explain why you are hurting and why he needs to keep chasing you...keep making you feel like you are everything and more. The chase shouldn't end just because the trust is back.

hugs to you!

Loyaltoafault posted 10/24/2013 16:08 PM

Yes I spoke to him and he seemed to hear me. I also am going through menopause so I may overeact to things. i have never minded the porn....as long as we watch together. The white lies are very unacceptable so I reminded him that we need to have a transparent relationship for me to be happy. He was raised by a pathological lie r so old habits die hard.

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