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Loyaltoafault (original poster new member #41084) posted at 12:25 AM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
It took 3 years for me to get to trust him. Now that we are back, I see old patterns already emerging...white lies, less sex, more porn. I am worried WH is bored without the chase. Any thoughts?
married 15 yrs
4 older kids
Multiple online EA
1 known PA
massage parlour use
4th yr into recovery
Suspect more than 1 PA, WH only admits one.
Here for years, just joined.
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 12:39 AM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
Hi,
Welcome to SI! I'm sure you will find the support you need here.
Have you talked to your H about your concerns about his going back to old patterns? Any lying is unacceptable. Have you called him on this?
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
throughthetunnel ( new member #41082) posted at 3:10 AM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
Yes, have you discussed it?
SorrowBhindSmile ( member #38139) posted at 5:38 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
this is something i worry about often with my WH. I am only 10 months out from DDay....but there have been 2 small incidents of his behavior regressing to "old ways". I immediately called him out on it....we talked it thru....and talked it thru...and talked it thru some more until he HEARD ME and REALLY UNDERSTOOD why i felt the way i did....why his behavior was unacceptable and would not be tolerated.
I know we still have more to learn, and a long way to go working thru R, and i know there will be mistakes along the way...but i know enough to know i will never EVER allow things to go back to the old ways. I will never EVER accept WH regressing to ANY past behaviors. he wants to watch porn....he knows where the door is. He wants to lie to me.....he knows where the door is....and if it hits him in the ass on the way out, well, score one for the door.
Sit down and make a list of all the behaviors you find disrespectful and regressing.(this is just a list for you to organize your thoughts and feelings) Really think about exactly what he is doing and WHY you feel like it is an old pattern. Talk to him. explain why you are hurting and why he needs to keep chasing you...keep making you feel like you are everything and more. The chase shouldn't end just because the trust is back.
hugs to you!
Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"
Loyaltoafault (original poster new member #41084) posted at 10:08 PM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
Yes I spoke to him and he seemed to hear me. I also am going through menopause so I may overeact to things. i have never minded the porn....as long as we watch together. The white lies are very unacceptable so I reminded him that we need to have a transparent relationship for me to be happy. He was raised by a pathological lie r so old habits die hard.
married 15 yrs
4 older kids
Multiple online EA
1 known PA
massage parlour use
4th yr into recovery
Suspect more than 1 PA, WH only admits one.
Here for years, just joined.
This Topic is Archived
