The morbid curiosity is actually causing me to consider a conversation. Yes, I know I will get many 2x4's for that, but I may just to hear what's up. I figured he either has marriage issues or he got arrested (I have many law enforcement contacts). His texts are leaning towards the former. I won't get entangled even if I do talk to him.
Any experience with this? Please feel free to 2x4 as appropriate.
[This message edited by persevere at 10:57 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.
Since you posted this, do an update
My reaction was not what I had thought it would be. I thought I would be feeling like, ha! Serves you right, f--- you. But i didn't feel that way at all. I was more sad than anything else. Sad for our kids, sad for the breakup of our family. There is no way I would ever go back to him, too much has happened between us and besides, I'm not the same girl I used to be.
Good luck persevere. The curiosity is sometimes too much to resist.
Short of the above, its probably not good. But I understand your curiosity.
Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo
He shut up after that. I can't say it "helped" me, it more just showed me how completely clueless he is about what he did to me.
Yeah, fuck him - if he didn't get it after 17 years of marriage, I don't need it.
It really upset me. The conversation ended when I walked into the house and left him lying in my driveway sobbing.
This chick ain't nobody's Plan B.
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
Whilst I do understand the morbid curiosity I would remind myself that I won't get any answers from that guy because he doesn't have them. I don't know this stranger and he knows himself even less.
I suggest you sit down and write out exactly WHAT you are curious about.
I would not give him an opportunity to express anything to me.
I would not give him a chance to throw a new hook at me.
There is no upside here. IMO no good can come of this.
If you wrote out a pros/cons list it would be obvious that NO is the answer here. Even the best-case scenario has ZERO upside for me.
That would be a no for me. Make that a Hell.No.
Cuz I've had, I dunno 3 or 9 conversations like this with Rico, let me share how this little meet up will go.
He will use the word "I" at least 934 times and YOU will NEVER factor into the conversation.
You will not be asked what you are feeling, only what you think he should do.
He will unleash emotions in you that your "closer to two years" of NC has softly let heal.
You will watch him unravel and then start questioning why you wasted so many years with him in the first place, unleashing those most evil monsters called shame and contempt onto yourself.
And, yes, you will get entangled because at the root of the reason for this conversation, you are his "go-to-no-one-knows-me-better-than-her" soft place to land. His to catch and then release. Again.
You will leave that meeting upset that you lost an hour of your life you'll never get back.
But hey, don't listen to me. Pet the drama llama and come back and tell us what happened.
Or, save your sanity. And your pride.
[This message edited by ajsmom at 8:41 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
Tell him to talk to his wife.
ajsmom is right about it all STILL and ALWAYS being about them. They are lost and maybe in the dark recesses of their minds they know that it's all because of their own actions. But because they cannot come to terms with that fact they look to you for advice and redemption.
BTDT, but even if he called me tomorrow, I would still listen to him. It doesn't cost me anything and reinforces how much better I have survived this trauma than him.
my ex did this too. it took after I was remarried, and 3 yrs after divorce. he had just had his heart broken and by his email it was about 3am. he said things I needed to hear. way late, but it was indeed healing for me. Im not going back to him. omg never. but i spent nearly a decade w him and we have kids. the least he could have was an epiphany and say sorry. whether or not he meant it is another thing. it took me yrs to get over him and by the time he said it I was like, good. you get it a little bit. and you bet when he said oh my heart is broken, I turned around and said- now imagine you married that girl she cheated on you and you had kids w her and you watched her cheat over and over? cause the pain you have now is NOTHING like what I went thru. but I appreciate you apologizing.
I dont love fighting unless its warranted. if you dont have kids, then I cant see why you would need to fight over much. i would listen to what it is, either by phone or email and then keep moving on.
You're the ONLY one he can talk to? Wow I find that hard to believe.
Or just 100% ignore him, do not respond at all.
But that's me...