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hurt314 (original poster member #31042) posted at 2:26 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
More TT. False R?
I don't know. It's been almost three years since dday and I still don't have the whole story.
It hurts just as bad as the first time.
I'm too tired to say it all. He posted in wayward.
Me-W-34
Him 36.
3 little girls.
He ruined our lives. Currently married and trying to make the best life for my children. There is no hope for us but I have hope for them.
JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 2:27 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
I'm so sorry. I just read his post in Wayward - you're dealing with a LOT of stuff right now. You must be in so much pain. Please try to take care of yourself as much as possible. (((((HUGS)))))
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 2:46 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
((((((hurt314)))))) Take it slow, honey. Keep breathing. Put your self-care front and center - you know the drill. We're here if you want to talk any of it out.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
seenow ( member #40720) posted at 3:19 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
Oh Hurt314. I read his post and I am angry for you. That's where I am in my situation...ANGRY. 
I am giving you some of my anger strength.
forgivingnow ( member #33549) posted at 3:37 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
(((Hurt314)))
I found out the truth in July of this year, 28 months from day. It was the bottom for both of us. For me, devastation and starting over. For him, finally owning it and starting IC and starting the work to find out why.
You are stronger today than you were 3 years ago, you will be ok. I hope your husband truly owns this and works to be the husband you deserve.
Me-BS 57
FWH-57
M 37yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yours
HurtButHopeful? ( member #25144) posted at 7:19 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
I'm so sorry he has been TTing you. We understand that new information coming later because of TT hurts just as badly at the first DDay.
Take care of yourself and your three little girls. Focus on detaching from him and his stuff, and let him take care of it. I too read his post on Wayward, and hopefully he finally will come completely clean.
Can you do something nice for yourself and your little girls to take your mind off of things?
Resources for R:
His Needs Her Needs, by Dr. Willard Harley
Love Busters, by Dr. Willard Harley
(for husbands) Becoming the Ultimate Husband, by Reb Bradley
OldCow18 ( member #39670) posted at 7:24 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
More TT and False R here as well. I have supposedly gotten full disclosure this morning. However, I don't know what full disclosure is worth from a known liar. I'm only 4.5 months in, but I see your situation and I wonder, how much more of this can I take? Another 6 monhts, another year, another THREE years? I'm so sorry, I cannot imagine feeling the way I do today again in another 3 years. My heart aches for you.
Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13
Truly ( member #40715) posted at 7:57 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
Me too.
Over 3 years too.
It just sucks arse.
I thought we were getting there. He thinks another showing up this year should be irrelevant. IRRELEVANT! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh
So sorry, sending virtual hugs your way (((((hurt314)))))
There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens
hurt314 (original poster member #31042) posted at 9:56 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
It feels like I'm dying. This pain will never end.
Me-W-34
Him 36.
3 little girls.
He ruined our lives. Currently married and trying to make the best life for my children. There is no hope for us but I have hope for them.
Truly ( member #40715) posted at 10:02 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
It has to end.
I have to believe that, so do you. How it ends, I'm not sure yet, but end it must.
No advice today, just feel your pain.
Stay strong ((((hurt314))))
There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 10:02 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 10:03 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 1:54 AM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
I am so sorry - I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. It is not fair.
devasted30 ( member #39439) posted at 2:02 AM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
I am so sorry you are going through this. I told my WS about this today and he assured me that I now know it all. Do I? Do I? Going by everyone's experience here, I am very scared that there is more and I can't take anymore. I know how you are feeling - it's beyond devastating. Take the time you need to re-evaluate. If you are done - then you are done. If you are going to continue R, take all the time you need to heal....make him be responsible for his shit.
If you continue to give him the gift of R, he'd better damn well earn it with more than what he's done so far.
Good Luck.
[This message edited by devasted30 at 8:03 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]
And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 2:05 AM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
(((hurt314)))
There's two ways to end the cycle. You remove yourself, or he comes clean.
I hope he decides it's worthwhile to put EVERY LAST DETAIL down on paper.
TT kills. I'm so sorry, love. Maybe.... just maybe his being here means that he's ready to roll up his sleeves and do this. I'm rooting for you.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
fooledbyapilot ( member #26349) posted at 4:00 AM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
At 2 and 3 months out....I found out he had a bat phone and secret email. She had moved away some 3000 miles but it didnt matter. There was still contact. It nearly destroyed me. I am 4 years from dday and 2 years from last contact.He his loving and everything else, still cant forgive. He destroyed, mutilated and ruined me. Im still here, but never will be the same. I believe time helps when wh helps. I am here for the kids, faking it beyond belief. Such is life.
ME(BS):47 HIM (WS):50
WS Married 21 yrs together 33
dd#1- nov 16, 2009
DD#2-went out NYE 2009-found out Feb 2012
DD#2-Feb 5, 2010-date they had(found out Feb 2012)
dd#3 - June 16, 2010-broke NC
dd#4-Dec 31, 2010-broke contact
GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 5:09 AM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
((( hurt314 )))
Your post touched me (and I don't say that often). There is such raw pain here that I had to respond.
It does end eventually. Jrazz is correct. You can either remove yourself (and your DDs) or your WS can finally come completely clean and you guys can rebuild your marriage from the ground up.
The ball is in his court now and he has a lot of heavy lifting to do. I hope he's up to the task.
Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
mom of 2 ( member #11214) posted at 5:34 AM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
Oh hurt314! I am so very sorry. I know exactly how you feel. 
There's two ways to end the cycle. You remove yourself, or he comes clean.
Yep. Jrazz is right. I did the above and my "remorseful" WXH refused to come clean. Hence my tagline. It was my line in the sand and for me, there zero possibility of R without the truth. And all of it.
My heart truly breaks for you. I hope your WH will come through for you. He owes you the truth. It's hell on earth without it.
Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.
Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)
hurt314 (original poster member #31042) posted at 6:00 AM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
Oh my god. I can't do this. I feel like I'm dying. Oh my god.
I don't know how it could be this much worse but it is. Three years later. It's been so long. All my life is a lie and I can't escape and I can't get away and I can't do this. I can't do ths.
Me-W-34
Him 36.
3 little girls.
He ruined our lives. Currently married and trying to make the best life for my children. There is no hope for us but I have hope for them.
deena ( member #27275) posted at 6:28 AM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
(((((Hurt314)))))
It is almost 4 years for me too.
1 year ago I heard more as well.
A one night stand turned into an affair.
Put myself back in therapy for a few months to deal with the pain.
It never gets easier. I think it actually kills a little more of the person you are.
Sorry for you.
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.
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