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hurt314 posted 10/23/2013 08:26 AM

More TT. False R?

I don't know. It's been almost three years since dday and I still don't have the whole story.

It hurts just as bad as the first time.

I'm too tired to say it all. He posted in wayward.

JanaGreen posted 10/23/2013 08:27 AM

I'm so sorry. I just read his post in Wayward - you're dealing with a LOT of stuff right now. You must be in so much pain. Please try to take care of yourself as much as possible. (((((HUGS)))))

nowiknow23 posted 10/23/2013 08:46 AM

((((((hurt314)))))) Take it slow, honey. Keep breathing. Put your self-care front and center - you know the drill. We're here if you want to talk any of it out.

seenow posted 10/23/2013 09:19 AM

Oh Hurt314. I read his post and I am angry for you. That's where I am in my situation...ANGRY.

I am giving you some of my anger strength.

forgivingnow posted 10/23/2013 09:37 AM

I found out the truth in July of this year, 28 months from day. It was the bottom for both of us. For me, devastation and starting over. For him, finally owning it and starting IC and starting the work to find out why.

You are stronger today than you were 3 years ago, you will be ok. I hope your husband truly owns this and works to be the husband you deserve.

HurtButHopeful? posted 10/23/2013 13:19 PM

I'm so sorry he has been TTing you. We understand that new information coming later because of TT hurts just as badly at the first DDay.

Take care of yourself and your three little girls. Focus on detaching from him and his stuff, and let him take care of it. I too read his post on Wayward, and hopefully he finally will come completely clean.

Can you do something nice for yourself and your little girls to take your mind off of things?

OldCow18 posted 10/23/2013 13:24 PM

More TT and False R here as well. I have supposedly gotten full disclosure this morning. However, I don't know what full disclosure is worth from a known liar. I'm only 4.5 months in, but I see your situation and I wonder, how much more of this can I take? Another 6 monhts, another year, another THREE years? I'm so sorry, I cannot imagine feeling the way I do today again in another 3 years. My heart aches for you.

Truly posted 10/23/2013 13:57 PM

Me too.

Over 3 years too.

It just sucks arse.

I thought we were getting there. He thinks another showing up this year should be irrelevant. IRRELEVANT! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

So sorry, sending virtual hugs your way (((((hurt314)))))

hurt314 posted 10/23/2013 15:56 PM

It feels like I'm dying. This pain will never end.

Truly posted 10/23/2013 16:02 PM

It has to end.

I have to believe that, so do you. How it ends, I'm not sure yet, but end it must.

No advice today, just feel your pain.

Stay strong ((((hurt314))))

DeadMumWalking posted 10/23/2013 16:02 PM


nowiknow23 posted 10/23/2013 16:03 PM


JanaGreen posted 10/23/2013 19:54 PM

I am so sorry - I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. It is not fair.

devasted30 posted 10/23/2013 20:02 PM

I am so sorry you are going through this. I told my WS about this today and he assured me that I now know it all. Do I? Do I? Going by everyone's experience here, I am very scared that there is more and I can't take anymore. I know how you are feeling - it's beyond devastating. Take the time you need to re-evaluate. If you are done - then you are done. If you are going to continue R, take all the time you need to heal....make him be responsible for his shit.
If you continue to give him the gift of R, he'd better damn well earn it with more than what he's done so far.
Good Luck.

[This message edited by devasted30 at 8:03 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]

Jrazz posted 10/23/2013 20:05 PM


There's two ways to end the cycle. You remove yourself, or he comes clean.

I hope he decides it's worthwhile to put EVERY LAST DETAIL down on paper.

TT kills. I'm so sorry, love. Maybe.... just maybe his being here means that he's ready to roll up his sleeves and do this. I'm rooting for you.

fooledbyapilot posted 10/23/2013 22:00 PM

At 2 and 3 months out....I found out he had a bat phone and secret email. She had moved away some 3000 miles but it didnt matter. There was still contact. It nearly destroyed me. I am 4 years from dday and 2 years from last contact.He his loving and everything else, still cant forgive. He destroyed, mutilated and ruined me. Im still here, but never will be the same. I believe time helps when wh helps. I am here for the kids, faking it beyond belief. Such is life.

GabyBaby posted 10/23/2013 23:09 PM

((( hurt314 )))
Your post touched me (and I don't say that often). There is such raw pain here that I had to respond.

It does end eventually. Jrazz is correct. You can either remove yourself (and your DDs) or your WS can finally come completely clean and you guys can rebuild your marriage from the ground up.
The ball is in his court now and he has a lot of heavy lifting to do. I hope he's up to the task.

mom of 2 posted 10/23/2013 23:34 PM

Oh hurt314! I am so very sorry. I know exactly how you feel.

There's two ways to end the cycle. You remove yourself, or he comes clean.

Yep. Jrazz is right. I did the above and my "remorseful" WXH refused to come clean. Hence my tagline. It was my line in the sand and for me, there zero possibility of R without the truth. And all of it.

My heart truly breaks for you. I hope your WH will come through for you. He owes you the truth. It's hell on earth without it.

hurt314 posted 10/24/2013 00:00 AM

Oh my god. I can't do this. I feel like I'm dying. Oh my god.

I don't know how it could be this much worse but it is. Three years later. It's been so long. All my life is a lie and I can't escape and I can't get away and I can't do this. I can't do ths.

deena posted 10/24/2013 00:28 AM

It is almost 4 years for me too.
1 year ago I heard more as well.
A one night stand turned into an affair.
Put myself back in therapy for a few months to deal with the pain.
It never gets easier. I think it actually kills a little more of the person you are.
Sorry for you.

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