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Newest Member: Dilbert (46033)

User Topic: More. There is always more.
hurt314
♀ 31042
Member # 31042
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

More TT. False R?

I don't know. It's been almost three years since dday and I still don't have the whole story.

It hurts just as bad as the first time.

I'm too tired to say it all. He posted in wayward.


Me-W-34
Him 36.
3 little girls.
He ruined our lives. Currently married and trying to make the best life for my children. There is no hope for us but I have hope for them.

Posts: 713 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Not Portland, Oregon... But close
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I just read his post in Wayward - you're dealing with a LOT of stuff right now. You must be in so much pain. Please try to take care of yourself as much as possible. (((((HUGS)))))


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6972 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((hurt314)))))) Take it slow, honey. Keep breathing. Put your self-care front and center - you know the drill. We're here if you want to talk any of it out.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26494 | Registered: Aug 2011
seenow
♀ 40720
Member # 40720
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Hurt314. I read his post and I am angry for you. That's where I am in my situation...ANGRY.

I am giving you some of my anger strength.


ME: BS mid 40's
Him: WH mid 40's
DDay 5/13 5 year LTA, ONS
together 25 yrs
1 kiddo

Posts: 312 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: mountain west
forgivingnow
♀ 33549
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hurt314)))
I found out the truth in July of this year, 28 months from day. It was the bottom for both of us. For me, devastation and starting over. For him, finally owning it and starting IC and starting the work to find out why.

You are stronger today than you were 3 years ago, you will be ok. I hope your husband truly owns this and works to be the husband you deserve.


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 624 | Registered: Oct 2011
HurtButHopeful?
♀ 25144
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry he has been TTing you. We understand that new information coming later because of TT hurts just as badly at the first DDay.

Take care of yourself and your three little girls. Focus on detaching from him and his stuff, and let him take care of it. I too read his post on Wayward, and hopefully he finally will come completely clean.

Can you do something nice for yourself and your little girls to take your mind off of things?


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
OldCow18
♀ 39670
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

More TT and False R here as well. I have supposedly gotten full disclosure this morning. However, I don't know what full disclosure is worth from a known liar. I'm only 4.5 months in, but I see your situation and I wonder, how much more of this can I take? Another 6 monhts, another year, another THREE years? I'm so sorry, I cannot imagine feeling the way I do today again in another 3 years. My heart aches for you.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Truly
♀ 40715
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too.

Over 3 years too.

It just sucks arse.

I thought we were getting there. He thinks another showing up this year should be irrelevant. IRRELEVANT! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

So sorry, sending virtual hugs your way (((((hurt314)))))


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 261 | Registered: Sep 2013
hurt314
♀ 31042
Member # 31042
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It feels like I'm dying. This pain will never end.


Me-W-34
Him 36.
3 little girls.
He ruined our lives. Currently married and trying to make the best life for my children. There is no hope for us but I have hope for them.

Posts: 713 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Not Portland, Oregon... But close
Truly
♀ 40715
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has to end.

I have to believe that, so do you. How it ends, I'm not sure yet, but end it must.

No advice today, just feel your pain.

Stay strong ((((hurt314))))


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 261 | Registered: Sep 2013
DeadMumWalking
♀ 25341
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((hurt314))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2716 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((hurt)))))


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26494 | Registered: Aug 2011
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry - I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. It is not fair.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6972 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
devasted30
♀ 39439
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry you are going through this. I told my WS about this today and he assured me that I now know it all. Do I? Do I? Going by everyone's experience here, I am very scared that there is more and I can't take anymore. I know how you are feeling - it's beyond devastating. Take the time you need to re-evaluate. If you are done - then you are done. If you are going to continue R, take all the time you need to heal....make him be responsible for his shit.
If you continue to give him the gift of R, he'd better damn well earn it with more than what he's done so far.
Good Luck.

[This message edited by devasted30 at 8:03 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1437 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hurt314)))

There's two ways to end the cycle. You remove yourself, or he comes clean.

I hope he decides it's worthwhile to put EVERY LAST DETAIL down on paper.

TT kills. I'm so sorry, love. Maybe.... just maybe his being here means that he's ready to roll up his sleeves and do this. I'm rooting for you.


"Welcome the rawness of vulnerability as an opportunity to open." - Pema Chodron

Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16


Posts: 18690 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
fooledbyapilot
♀ 26349
Member # 26349
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At 2 and 3 months out....I found out he had a bat phone and secret email. She had moved away some 3000 miles but it didnt matter. There was still contact. It nearly destroyed me. I am 4 years from dday and 2 years from last contact.He his loving and everything else, still cant forgive. He destroyed, mutilated and ruined me. Im still here, but never will be the same. I believe time helps when wh helps. I am here for the kids, faking it beyond belief. Such is life.


ME(BS):47 HIM (WS):50
WS Married 21 yrs together 33
dd#1- nov 16, 2009
DD#2-went out NYE 2009-found out Feb 2012
DD#2-Feb 5, 2010-date they had(found out Feb 2012)
dd#3 - June 16, 2010-broke NC
dd#4-Dec 31, 2010-broke contact
DD#5-Feb 21, 201

Posts: 188 | Registered: Nov 2009
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((( hurt314 )))
Your post touched me (and I don't say that often). There is such raw pain here that I had to respond.

It does end eventually. Jrazz is correct. You can either remove yourself (and your DDs) or your WS can finally come completely clean and you guys can rebuild your marriage from the ground up.
The ball is in his court now and he has a lot of heavy lifting to do. I hope he's up to the task.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6737 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
mom of 2
♀ 11214
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh hurt314! I am so very sorry. I know exactly how you feel.

There's two ways to end the cycle. You remove yourself, or he comes clean.

Yep. Jrazz is right. I did the above and my "remorseful" WXH refused to come clean. Hence my tagline. It was my line in the sand and for me, there zero possibility of R without the truth. And all of it.

My heart truly breaks for you. I hope your WH will come through for you. He owes you the truth. It's hell on earth without it.


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13338 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
hurt314
♀ 31042
Member # 31042
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my god. I can't do this. I feel like I'm dying. Oh my god.

I don't know how it could be this much worse but it is. Three years later. It's been so long. All my life is a lie and I can't escape and I can't get away and I can't do this. I can't do ths.


Me-W-34
Him 36.
3 little girls.
He ruined our lives. Currently married and trying to make the best life for my children. There is no hope for us but I have hope for them.

Posts: 713 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Not Portland, Oregon... But close
deena
♀ 27275
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Hurt314)))))
It is almost 4 years for me too.
1 year ago I heard more as well.
A one night stand turned into an affair.
Put myself back in therapy for a few months to deal with the pain.
It never gets easier. I think it actually kills a little more of the person you are.
Sorry for you.


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 3199 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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