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Married means Married

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Crushed1 posted 10/23/2013 08:39 AM

Married means MARRIED you moron!

It's getting to the point where I can't even read those stupid personal ads anymore, not even for fun.

They're loaded with married people, bitching about their spouses, and looking for something "better".

I've got a few things to tell you:

1. "She" is not the reason your marriage sucks. YOU are. If you spent half as much time paying attention to her as you do trolling CL for sluts, your marriage would be a whole hell of a lot better.

2. Yeah, yeah, we've all heard it a thousand times. You're in a sexless marriage. First of all, that's probably a lie, because most cheaters are liars too. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, pal- if your wife isn't interested in sex, it's because you're not offering sex that's interesting. Married guys get awfully boring after a while. They do the same boring thing the same boring way every fucking time and they expect you to scream like a porn star. Seriously, you come home from work, totally ignore her while she chases the kids around for 4 hours, makes dinner, does the laundry, blah blah blah, and then you expect her to roll over with her legs open for another session of same-old same-old? When are you idiots going to learn that the best foreplay in the world for a woman is watching you take care of the kids, vacuum the floor, pick up the dog poo in the backyard. Or how about just listening when she talks? You know, it's not that fucking hard to stop thinking about yourself for five minutes and hear what she has to say. Think about it- way back when, when you were getting your brains fucked out on a regular basis- what were YOU doing differently than you're doing now? Planning dates, telling her she looked nice, acting like you're happy to be with her? A thousand dollars says if you do that stuff again you'll get the same result.

3. Your kids are NOT the reason you're staying married. If you were THAT miserable, you'd leave whether you had kids or not. If you're not getting a divorce it's because YOU DON'T WANT TO. For whatever reason. At least be honest and don't try to feed people that tired bullshit line about staying married for the kids. Contrary to what you think, it doesn't make you look like a poor suffering but honorable victim. You obviously don't care enough about your kids to treat their mother with enough respect not to cheat on her, and you don't care about them enough to spend time with THEM instead of some cheap whore, so cut it out with that crap. There is absolutely nothing honorable about putting your dick ahead of your kids. If you really really cared about them, you would put ALL your time and effort and money into saving the one thing that means most to them in the whole world- your marriage and their family. Otherwise you're full of shit.

4. We all know how bored you are. Poor you, someone should really come along to entertain you. What are you, fucking 12 years old? If you're bored with your marriage, it's because YOU'RE BORING, and have you ever stopped to think that if you're bored, she probably is too. But instead of throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old, she's at home cleaning out the lint trap on the dryer and washing kool-aid off the kitchen floor. Yeah, she's having a fucking riot washing your underwear and cleaning up cat puke. Marriage is hard work. Hell, life is hard work. Grow the fuck up and take some responsibility for yourself. You have a brain, USE it. Put some thought into your marriage and some effort into your life and stop blaming her and being a baby because life isn't fun.

5. You're looking for someone "younger". Sure you are. Dickhead. You think you look the same as you did when you got married? I'd bet not. Even if you do, you haven't spent the last 10 years having babies (the ones YOU wanted) and sacrificing your body for them. The next time you have to have someone stitch your asshole together because your just pushed a watermelon out of your butt, then you can sqwauk. If you ever spend 9 months with your belly stretched to obscene proportions, and manage to look exactly the same as you used to 6 weeks later, then you can bitch about how she's not attractive anymore. Until then, shut the fuck up. You have no concept of what she has sacrificed to give you the children you claim to love. You really think she wants varicose veins and stretch marks and saggy boobs? Get real. What she wants is a man who understands and values WHY she has varicose veins and stretch marks and saggy boobs. She wants a man who loves her because she was willing to make those sacrifices with her own body because she loves HIM. Instead, you criticize and go running off with the first perky 25 year old who gives you the time of day. Asshole.

6. And finally, if you're cheating on your wife, there's something wrong with YOU. If you're not happy with your marriage, exactly how do you think fucking some slut is going to fix that? Exactly how is that going to make anyone happy? Have you ever actually heard of adultery working out really well for everyone involved? Are you actually stupid enough to think that you're going to be the exception to that rule? If so, you are delusional and you need professional help. Affairs are disasters- not some of the time, not most of the time, ALL OF THE TIME. You guilt will drive you crazy. Someone WILL find out. You will NOT be able to keep up the lies and the deception. And it will all lead up to a disaster of epic proportions, which leads me to Lucky #7.

7. Here's what you can expect in the wake of your little fuck-fest:

Divorce- this is where you lose everything- your wife, your house, half your income and possessions, possibly your job if you're stupid enough to be fucking around with a co-worker, your kids- EVERYTHING. You will LOSE IT ALL.

Exposure- this is where everyone finds out what a scumbag you are. And they WILL find out. Your boss, your co-workers, your friends, your family, HER family, your neighbors, the parents of your kids' friends, everyone at your church. They WILL find out. Why? Because your now ex-wife will tell them. She will probably tell everyone she knows, and everyone you know, and she will feel good doing it. Consider yourself lucky if she doesn't rent a billboard. Otherwise, all bets are off. Be prepared.

Your Kids- this is where you totally lose the respect of your kids, and you deserve to lose it. They will realize in pretty short order that you didn't care enough about them to keep your fucking pants on. They will see their mother cry and they will hate you for it. They will end up shuttling back and forth between their home and your apartment, and they will hate you for it. Every time they have to tell someone that their parents are divorced, they will hate you for it. And God forbid you decide to "introduce" them to your shiny new soulmate/fuckbuddy, they will REALLY hate you for that. If your kids are really young, you have a little time before all this shit hits the fan, but be warned, it's coming. They will forever see you as the moron who broke up their family. They will know that you can't be trusted, that you are weak and immoral and selfish. And they'll figure it out all by themselves, even if you never talk to them about it. Because your kids are smarter than you are at this point.

So, go ahead and whine your pathetic bullshit about how you're a victim and your wife is a horrible shrew. Do your best to convince yourself that you didn't have any choice and your wife "drove you to it." Start with the rationalizations and justifications now, you're going to need a lot of them. Remember that the best defense is a good offense and start a mental list of all the ways your wife is deficient. Make sure to re-write the history of your marriage so that you can say that you were miserable from the first day. Be sure to tell your wife that you love her, you're just not "in love" with her anymore. Deal with your guilt by lashing out at everyone around you. Above all, take no responsibility for any problems YOU may have that caused you to be such a spineless bastard in the first place.

Congratulations, you've just joined the Adulterers Club. See you in hell.

****I did not write this. It's been around for a while. I printed it out years ago and left it for my H to read. It provided a real awakening for him!****

PhoenixRising88 posted 10/23/2013 08:43 AM


heforgot posted 10/23/2013 08:44 AM

LOVE this! So true!

simplydevastated posted 10/23/2013 08:46 AM

Blobette posted 10/23/2013 08:52 AM

Where's that Orsen Welles gif when I need it! Wooo-hooo! LOUD APPLAUSE!

sad12008 posted 10/23/2013 08:54 AM

Always a favorite... #4..

New members: this was from Best of Craigslist (under the "Married means..." title). I saved a copy to my computer and printed a copy when I first saw it and am glad I did. Maybe I'm a simple mind, but I get a smile out of it every time I read it! (This is what Dear Abby & Dr. Laura and their ilk need to be giving as replies to queries about cheating!)

Exit Wounds posted 10/23/2013 08:57 AM

Crushed1, I know you didn't write it but I still would like your permission to post it on my bio here on SI.

Is it OK to copy and paste it?

sunshine226 posted 10/23/2013 09:25 AM


Tred posted 10/23/2013 09:26 AM

If I recall, wasn't this written by one of our SI members? Can't recall the name right now though, maybe one of the vets can remember.

It's great though, and works just fine if you change the pronoun from he to she.

heartbroken2012 posted 10/23/2013 09:30 AM

This is....WONDERFUL.

All waywards should read.

LovesLaboursLost posted 10/23/2013 09:49 AM

Pretty sure this is the handiwork of Eranda

Tred posted 10/23/2013 09:55 AM

Pretty sure this is the handiwork of Eranda

That's who I thought but couldn't remember. Thanks!

Crushed1 posted 10/23/2013 09:55 AM

ExitWounds, sure you can use it. I wish I could give credit to the author but she is an SI member, I don't recall her user name though. It was originally posted on Craigslist a few years ago.

I agree the whole thing is brilliant and I especially love #6, slam dunk!!!

suposd2btheonly1 posted 10/23/2013 09:59 AM

LOVE THIS! Printing it for my idiot WH who proved to me this morning he still hasn't 'got it'

Crushed1 posted 10/23/2013 10:00 AM

I think it is Eranda, I seem to remember it was someone with a one word screen name. But whoever it is, I'm grateful to have found it and pass it along to those in need of some truth!

betrayedme2 posted 10/23/2013 10:02 AM

Nine months ago I needed to replace HIM for HER, HUSBAND for WIFE and given it to my WW. Wish I had it then.

Spelljean posted 10/23/2013 12:11 PM

I loved this. I actually sent a copy to WH many months back. It sums up literally everything perfectly, with a very tough love approach.

Its honest. And any WS that can read it, identify with it and use it as a wake-up call would be on the road to recovery.

ShockedErica11 posted 10/23/2013 15:16 PM

Amen to this.

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 10/23/2013 15:28 PM

This may sound bad- as we are working on R and doing pretty okay- but I would have LOVED to have this two months ago. Especially during my rage stage.
That was brilliant.

prowoman posted 10/23/2013 15:46 PM

Love this! Sad how tired and overused all of their go to excuses are! Sad how every pathetic cheating situation is so similar! IT'S TEXTBOOK LYING CHEATING ASSHOLE!

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