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Self-Esteem Issues

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DCP21 posted 10/23/2013 12:04 PM

So DDay was one month ago, and reconciliation has been going really well. But, I went to IC yesterday and was talking to WH later and told him I don't think I need to see IC again, that I pretty much know the things I need to work on about myself and am feeling good about our progress. He told me he took that to mean that I didn't need help, that it was totally on him that our marriage got screwed up. I told him no, that I KNOW I need to work on things too, but he needs IC more, since HE was the one who cheated, not me. And then I started having really bad self-esteem issues that hadn't really hit me before. I've been trying really hard to be myself and not feel self-conscious, but now I do. Obviously he thinks I need to change some things about me, but can't verbalize what they are. How do I deal with this loss of self-esteem? We're both trying really hard, but this feeling just hit me bad last night and I'm having a hard time dealing with it.

devasted30 posted 10/23/2013 12:26 PM

I know that the cheating was 100% on your WS, but why did he do it? I think that you are being nave if you think you have it all figured out now. You have, obviously, not started to realize what has happened. You will be devastated when it hits you and it hasn't hit you yet. Gently - please do not stop IC. If you feel you don't need it now, trust me, you will soon. Hang in there. There is nothing more wrong with you then there is with any of us. It takes 2 to weaken a marriage - one to cheat and destroy a marriage but 2 again to rebuild it.
Remember, it was your WS fault that he cheated - nothing you did or do should have caused him to cross that line....but, we all need improving one way or another and like I said, IMHO, you haven't realized what has happened yet.

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