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Stayingstrong15 posted 10/23/2013 12:26 PM

I have been married for ten years with a beautiful little girl. I found out about a year ago my husband had been living a double life. He had had sex with numerous women during the day when I thought he was at work. I found out by looking at the amount of text to one women on our phone bill us getting diagnosed with hpv. So when I confronted him with enough that he couldn't deny it he admitted it and promised me the moon. Since then he has done just about everything to change his life. He does counseling, he stopped all contact with anyone involved in this lifestyle, he comes home every day at lunch, he lets me see everything like phone etc. even confessed to a priest.. So why is it still so hard for me to let go . I want to and really do good on most days. Why is this so hard to believe that he woke up and changed. I am trying to forgive. I am trying to be happy in the now. It just all scares me so much. Anyone else in this kind of emotion ?

ionlytalkedtoher posted 10/23/2013 13:59 PM

So sorry for everything...After you find out such a thing it takes sometimes YEARS to get past. I wouldn't be trusting him anytime soon. I know he is doing these things now to improve--but he needs to do this over a very long space of time to earn your trust back...It may be years before you can move past this. I would not believe that he suddenly just changed overnight. I would need more proof of his newfound regret.

sisoon posted 10/23/2013 14:50 PM

Almost 3 years out, and our MC thinks it's pretty normal that I don't fully trust my W.

Your H broke years of trust, and he's only been rebuilding it for a year. It just takes longer than that to rebuild lost trust.

The trauma of being betrayed jut takes a lot longer than a year to heal. The rule of thumb here is 2-5 years to R. at a year out from discovery, you're about where most people in R are. Relax about the time recovery takes - you'll get there.

I'm sorry you needed SI, but I'm glad your H turned his life around.

[This message edited by sisoon at 2:50 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]

PinkJeepLady posted 10/23/2013 16:21 PM

"Scary" is a very good word. It really is isn't it?
I think it's great that he is making such good efforts and trying to make it right with your religious beliefs as well. I am glad you are recognizing his efforts. Good for both of you.
I am going to suggest to you that you are actually letting go, maybe just a bit. You are able to calmly express your feelings and say you find some happiness. It sounds like you are able to measure progress. To me that sounds like you are letting go and healing.
It's hard to be patient in this slow process, just sending you some encouragement because you seem to be on the right path!
Take care

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