SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Faithful w/Love posted 10/23/2013 14:20 PM

you seperated and you gave and gave like a dumbass? And now your the one struggling trying to make ends met.
I feel like I hit rock bottom with debt. I don't get no help but I sure helped him when we were R and thinking I would be moving back home. I am very upset with myself.

I am going to give my car back to the bank because on my own there is no way I can keep this up. When I got the car there were 2 incomes and now with 1 it seems to me to be a waste of money for a car and that money can be saved and used elsewhere instead of scrapping by. Yes, it will effect my credit but that is already bad do to the house. But, that got remodified with my help.. And there is always raising again. Right? I will get back on my feet. I will get my credit back to where it needs to be. And I will drive a less expensive car. It is just a car in my head.

Thank you for the vent!

Phoenix1 posted 10/23/2013 14:27 PM

Oh, I SO get it! I supported XPOS while he was unemployed for over a year, and all the while he kept spending, spending, spending on credit cards and racking up debt while fucking other women! I am now starting over, with totally screwed up credit thanks to that dick, and a mountain of debt since I had to assume half even though he created ALL of it. It SUCKS!

Like you, I will get back on my feet, get control of the debt now that I don't have the perpetual sucking drain constantly making my efforts in vain, and I will restore my credit to the greatness it once was! I am realistic in knowing this will take a few years, but we gotta start somewhere, right?

Vent away! You can do this! WE can do this!!

Faithful w/Love posted 10/23/2013 14:37 PM

Yes we can do this!

I am right along with you! I will be honest in what I did, I fork over my car payment in order for the gas to stay on and paid his cell oh bill because our son is on it. I gave money when he was short on house payment.. Why because I felt bad and I know what it is like to be scared financially, all while I thought I would get paid right back.. Ummm NO! So I am behind on the car and that is my fault for being nice. But, even without doing that this car payment always has kept me up at night thinking 413.00 could go along way, and I need to give it back now. It is just a car. I will drive a beater.. As long as it gets me from A-B. I could buy food instead of worrying about that car note, I could pay my utilities on time, I could not have to STRUGGLE!

Its all about starting from the bottom and getting back on my feet in any means nessary!

jemimapd posted 10/23/2013 15:12 PM

Perfect post for me today. I have been feeling really angry about the number of times I bailed STEXWH out. He doesn't have any savings, retirement, as soon as he got money he blew it. He has never in his entire life made a budget. He eats out (junk) all the time, has to have a big car, loads up the credit cards, buys all his toys. He was constantly borrowing money from me and never repaying it.

I cannot wait to see how he manages out there on his own.

My plan is to do a long-term budget and I will put myself on a frugal regime as soon as everything is finalized and work my way back.

Unlike WH I don't have to have everything I see. It's all part of the entitlement/gratification thinking that made him feel entitled to cheat, spend and lie.

In the long run, Faithful, you will end up in a way better financial position than your ex.

Merlin posted 10/23/2013 15:25 PM

I sat down with my accountant and a financial planner in March. Under NJ's principle of 'equitable distribution, my ex-w now has 70% of everything we had as marrieds.

She is not contributing to higher education expenses and just got the court to unwind my whole life insurance policies so she can take half the cash value. At 62, life insurance is not cheap and so I and my kids will now go without.

This after each of us spending @ $60,000 each on a knockdown dragout divorce that took from September '08 until January '11 and her getting $3,100/mth permanent alimony.

Divorce is ruinous on many levels. But when the law (and lawyers) get done with you, you may as well go lie on the train tracks and wait.

Faithful w/Love posted 10/23/2013 15:43 PM

I am glad I am not the only one. Holy shit!

Charity411 posted 10/23/2013 15:59 PM

To make it short my Ex left me for his best friends wife. At the time we owned a Bed and Breakfast and had a contract on our home which was due to close, so I gave him a power of attorney so he could go to the closing without me.

Big mistake. He used it to get out of the contract without my knowledge and moved OW into our home. He told me the contract fell through. He then used the power of attorney to borrow almost all of the equity out of the house and used it to buy a summer home in Michigan in her name.

I eventually sold the B&B and got her kicked out of our home as a squatter. The mortgage payment was now huge but I worked three jobs and got two room mates to make it. I wasn't going to let her just step into my life and take it over. It was hard but I did it.

dmari posted 10/23/2013 16:40 PM

Aaarrggghhh!! These posts are so hard to read but I'm loving the fortitude so many of you hare showing. Thank you!

sunsetslost posted 10/23/2013 18:16 PM

I'll lose money but fortunately not go into debt, largely thanks to the advice I got here. First thing I did was tell STBX to get her own credit card. She stalled. She informed me her AP was coming back to town before her card arrived. I promptly cancelled her cards (which were all on my accounts anyway). I handed her a check for half the checking account and her cards were no longer valid. She exploded. Screamed at me, called me every name in the book. I simply said, "I don't feel obligated to finance half of your affair." And then I went to work.

inconnu posted 10/23/2013 18:28 PM

I'm in debt because even with CS and a few years of SS, I couldn't get a job that paid enough, after being a SAHM for almost 20 years. To be honest, I also was not as frugal as I could have been. There were things I could have done without, but I chose not to. On top of that, I ended up having to buy a car a few years ago when my previous, paid-for, vehicle got totalled in a wreck. Having a monthly car payment was not in my original post-divorce budget.

But, I just started a new job this week. It's the 3rd job I've gotten since the divorce, and I am finally making a salary I can live on. Of course, my young adult kids still live with me, and I'm no longer getting any financial support for them from their dad. So until I get them completely launched, money will still be tight. At least hopefully I won't be digging the debt hole any deeper, though.