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Newest Member: Betrayedwife1120 (45756)

User Topic: How much to trust your gut?
justafool
♀ 23195
Member # 23195
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are almost 5 years into reconciliation. Things have been rocky, but over the last year they have finally settled down and were actually getting really good - better than ever, I guess. However, a year ago, we had a really rough three months. I had made a really snide remark, and instead of telling me how much it hurt him, he withdrew and we had reached the point of calling it quits after Christmas. I had the feeling that he was somewhat involved with someone else, although never had the proof. I have asked him about it maybe four or five times over the last year, and each time he denied anything - said that he was just really depressed and that he didn't talk to anyone. Each time, I felt like he was telling me the truth. But every so often, something will come up and I get that feeling all over again. Well it has happened again, but now I think I finally have a who to go with the suspicions. He got really defensive when I asked about her age - which seemed not to fit the conversation. I know that I analyze everything, though, and maybe I am just hanging on to this for some reason. The only way I can get any sort of corroboration for my suspicions is to talk to his boss, which would open us up to gossip and possibly making things very difficult for him at work. I really don't want to do that, but otherwise it will remain him denying and me suspecting.
I haven't said anything else because honestly I just don't want my life to change right now. Other than these concerns that recur every so often, I am very happy and have no wish to disrupt all of our lives. I can keep this to myself and no one will ever know, except me. Is that selling out? Maybe, or maybe it is just taking whatever happiness I can find.


Five years into reconciliation, and still hanging in there!

Posts: 299 | Registered: Mar 2009
still-living
♂ 30434
Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tid-bits of unfitting data can make your gut uneasy. I recommend that you don't ignore your gut, however, confronting without hard facts is just an accusation. I recommend that you snoop and verify when your gut is uneasy, and believe that the more people cheat steal and lie, the greater the odds they will keep doing so more radically, until eventually they are caught. My gut was right, and I caught my WW.


BH(me)47
WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14
Recovery is constructing a pyramid of inference from which to see clearer.
The process involves using the reflexive loop.

Posts: 798 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
ladies_first
♀ 24643
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I trust MYSELF 100%.

I listen to my "gut," but it's just a yellow flag, i.e. trust but verify. My gut warns me that I had that feeling in the past, but that's not a guarantee it's happening in the present.

It's more like a miraculous balance of head, heart, gut, groin. The trick is not to let one of the 4 rule my life.

[This message edited by ladies_first at 5:23 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
sri624
♀ 33956
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i think trusting your gut is always best. the heart is a fool...and your head will play tricks on you to make you think things are better than they really are.

i agree with the other posted...i would snoop..and snoop until you find something. if there is something there...you will eventually find it. i think a lot of times, our gut tells us something IS there, but we are too afraid to snoop. but in the end, finding the truth is the only thing that will bring you peace.

dont ignore your gut. do what you have to do to find out. and dont believe him...no way...he wont tell you the truth...especially about cheating.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 1038 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
ladies_first
♀ 24643
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the heart is a fool...

My heart is where I feel: Joy. Gratitude. Love.


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Topic Posts: 5

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