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AlexFL (original poster member #40966) posted at 11:33 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
It's been about 10 days since I found out he's been cheating in me again, but don't worry "it meant nothing", "was only physical", "was exciting until after" he says THEN he felt guilty. But he went back and did it again a week later. Anyway I was in the shocked phase. Still think I am, but now I notice I am hating everything. I hate this town, I hate work, hate everything. I know its a reaction to everything and I know its cause everything is in limbo - I'm actually not able to make a huge life change at the moment, don't even know why I would. All people are the same. Any partner you get with seems like they'll cheat. I wouldn't mind being alone. I am on an emotional roller coaster. I didn't do anything to put myself in this position but here I am wasting valuable days and hours AGAIN. I never will let these walls down. I guess this is the beginning if the anger phase ??? Anyone have advice??
mom of 2 ( member #11214) posted at 5:15 AM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
I don't know if it's the anger stage or not, but I do know for me, the anger actually motivated me to make decisions, make progress, etc. I would take the anger any day over the sobbing mess I was on other days.
So sorry for what you're going through. 
Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.
Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)
SerJR ( member #14993) posted at 1:04 AM on Friday, October 25th, 2013
(((Alex)))
Don't feel frustrated with yourself. Your anger is a good thing - it is alerting you that something is wrong and that it must be righted. What matters is whether you let you anger control you or you can make your anger work for you. It can provide us with intense energy which we can use to propel ourselves through the healing process. Use it to fortify your boundaries. Use it to find te courage to act on those boundaries. Use it to take steps forward with your life independently. Focus the energy into exercise to help drain the anxiety and rebuild your self esteem.
Hang in there Alex... it will get better.
Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.
LMomof2 ( member #41064) posted at 8:20 PM on Friday, October 25th, 2013
I left you a short private message
LMomof2
Me - BW - 59
Him - WH - 59
35 yrs - 2 daughters 17, 21
DDay - 10-15-13
ONS - 9-20-13 and probably YEARS of gaslighting - signs were there.
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