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topperoff22 (original poster member #40762) posted at 11:53 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
I don't want to care anymore about her. He has opened everything to me and offered again tonight...he says he does not want to talk to her. He's going to counseling, talking with my pastor, he's sending me love notes throughout the day and constantly hugging me. But STILL I feel paranoid and on alert and check up on her online. I have become sad and pathetic. I haaate this. I hate that some days I am OK and strong and see her as someone of the past and other days I am a paranoid mess of a person.
BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month
musiclovingmom ( member #38207) posted at 12:21 AM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
I am 14 months out. Sometimes I still check on them. At 2 or 3 months out, I checked everything daily - fb, e-mail, phone logs. I read their fb pages. I had friends follow who I couldn't. I did google searches and read OW dating profiles. It was awful. The more I didn't want to do it, the more I did it. Then, as time passed and my H proved over and over again that it's only me now, I started checking less and less. Sometimes I still do, but not often and definitely not obsessively like before. Cut yourself some slack. And, maybe, try doing something else whenever the urge hits - search for a new recipe or a craft idea or whatever peeks your interest.
Chefj9 ( member #38604) posted at 12:41 AM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
Wow. I am in the exact same place. I am exasperated with myself for giving her any energy. I was about to post about this very subject. I want to not care, I want to stop giving her head space. I don't have advice, just wanted you to know you're not alone with this and that you were heard.
ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 26,16, 15 and 13
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere
Lionne ( member #25560) posted at 12:55 AM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
Speaking from experience...TIME. Oh, I still hate them, wish only the worst in life for them, but mostly I don't care. I really know that they were only boils on the ass of my SAFWH and needed piercing so their pus oozed out. They've dried up in my mind, mostly.
Hang in there.
[This message edited by scaredyKat at 6:55 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]
Me-BS-71 in May HIM-SAFWH-74 I just wanted a normal life.Normal trauma would have been appreciated.
niaveone ( member #40317) posted at 1:59 AM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
Between the first and second DDdays...I constantly had her FB page up at home all day long. WS thought he deleted his page, but he didn't. And she never took him off her friends list so I had unlimited friends access to her. I memorized every.single.post she ever wrote. Every.single.picture. Every little saying or poster that was supposed to be a "secret" thought for the WS. After DDay#2, she kicked him off her page because I called her out on it. I had mutual friends update me and forward me her pictures and her posts. Oh yeah. I get it.
Now, I realize she was a pathetic stand in for what WS thought he was missing IN ME. She is an empty shell of a resemblance of me and I realized if I kept keeping tabs on her, I was going to end up going insane. So I told my friends that were keeping me updated that I no longer needed the updates. And yes, I did go through withdrawl. ha ha. But I found my anxiety actually went down after the first few days because I wasn't constantly trying to figure out if there was a hidden reason behind her posts or ecards I know she must still be posting because the idiot can't think up anything original to post.
Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 24 years
2 children
2 DDays
Reconciling
mchercheur ( member #37735) posted at 2:03 AM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
When is the Karma bus going to hit them? I am waiting waiting waiting so patiently.
Me: BW; Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011 Married 35 years/Together 36 years/4 kids together, and 1 grandbaby; OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be
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