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I don't want to care about OW anymore...

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topperoff22 posted 10/23/2013 17:53 PM

I don't want to care anymore about her. He has opened everything to me and offered again tonight...he says he does not want to talk to her. He's going to counseling, talking with my pastor, he's sending me love notes throughout the day and constantly hugging me. But STILL I feel paranoid and on alert and check up on her online. I have become sad and pathetic. I haaate this. I hate that some days I am OK and strong and see her as someone of the past and other days I am a paranoid mess of a person.

musiclovingmom posted 10/23/2013 18:21 PM

I am 14 months out. Sometimes I still check on them. At 2 or 3 months out, I checked everything daily - fb, e-mail, phone logs. I read their fb pages. I had friends follow who I couldn't. I did google searches and read OW dating profiles. It was awful. The more I didn't want to do it, the more I did it. Then, as time passed and my H proved over and over again that it's only me now, I started checking less and less. Sometimes I still do, but not often and definitely not obsessively like before. Cut yourself some slack. And, maybe, try doing something else whenever the urge hits - search for a new recipe or a craft idea or whatever peeks your interest.

Chefj9 posted 10/23/2013 18:41 PM

Wow. I am in the exact same place. I am exasperated with myself for giving her any energy. I was about to post about this very subject. I want to not care, I want to stop giving her head space. I don't have advice, just wanted you to know you're not alone with this and that you were heard.

Lionne posted 10/23/2013 18:55 PM

Speaking from experience...TIME. Oh, I still hate them, wish only the worst in life for them, but mostly I don't care. I really know that they were only boils on the ass of my SAFWH and needed piercing so their pus oozed out. They've dried up in my mind, mostly.

Hang in there.

[This message edited by scaredyKat at 6:55 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]

niaveone posted 10/23/2013 19:59 PM

Between the first and second DDdays...I constantly had her FB page up at home all day long. WS thought he deleted his page, but he didn't. And she never took him off her friends list so I had unlimited friends access to her. I memorized she ever wrote. Every.single.picture. Every little saying or poster that was supposed to be a "secret" thought for the WS. After DDay#2, she kicked him off her page because I called her out on it. I had mutual friends update me and forward me her pictures and her posts. Oh yeah. I get it.

Now, I realize she was a pathetic stand in for what WS thought he was missing IN ME. She is an empty shell of a resemblance of me and I realized if I kept keeping tabs on her, I was going to end up going insane. So I told my friends that were keeping me updated that I no longer needed the updates. And yes, I did go through withdrawl. ha ha. But I found my anxiety actually went down after the first few days because I wasn't constantly trying to figure out if there was a hidden reason behind her posts or ecards I know she must still be posting because the idiot can't think up anything original to post.

mchercheur posted 10/23/2013 20:03 PM

When is the Karma bus going to hit them? I am waiting waiting waiting so patiently.

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