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I don't know anymore.

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kellye posted 10/23/2013 21:36 PM

My husband and I just celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary a little over a week ago. We have a two year old little girl and we live with my family and have lived with them for the past year. Before moving in with them, my husband was in the military and we lived elsewhere. He got out of the army after five years with a traumatic brain injury and PTSD. We had a major rough time in our marriage after he came home from Afghanistan, but for the last year our marriage has been solid.

I finally believed that my spouse was really my best friend. We've been connecting on so many levels, really enjoying our relationship. We took a trip on our anniversary for four days and it was wonderful. A week later and my husband starts staying up super late on his computer and I felt in my gut that something wasn't right and checked his email account and found a reply to a craigslist ad for a woman looking for a married man, who is looking for discreet fun but not looking to ruin either marriages. The next day, I check his email and instead find that he posted an ad in the strictly platonic personal ad, "looking for an older lady friend". He is 27, I am 26. We have been together since we were 18, married at 20.

I feel blindsided and betrayed. I'm waiting to see what plays out before making the decision to confront him. If I confront him, I know I will end it. Am I crazy to wait for confirmation of an actual honest to god affair before deciding to end the marriage? He knows something is up with me, he's asked me multiple times what is wrong but hasn't pressed when I dodged his questions.

I don't understand why he would do this. We worked so hard at our marriage, at our friendship together and it seems like he is ready to potentially throw it away. This isn't the first time in our marriage he has done this, but in the past there was no follow through with anything because I confronted him and worked with him because of the issues he had with his PTSD and ongoing problems we had with the military regarding his treatment. Now to see it again, after all the crap we've worked through just feels like a slap in the face. I feel so disrespected and unappreciated that it is making me reevaluate our whole relationship and regretting always giving him the benefit of the doubt and loving him so fiercely even when he was breaking my heart.

jjct posted 10/23/2013 22:04 PM

kellye, stay and keep posting, read the healing library. It may be that there were some things about his brokenness that were swept under the rug the first time, and are resurfacing now.

We are hugging you.

I would ask that you don't back yourself into a corner right now ("...if I confront...") and take care of yourself FIRST.

If that means going to a lawyer to learn what your options are, then do it. By all means. Get settled first, get your ducks in a row first - before throwing down a gauntlet.

You have confirmation *enough* that he is still not a whole person - you know. Begin to protect yourself, do that first.

kellye posted 10/23/2013 22:26 PM

Thank you Jjct for the warm welcome. I've been reading since I found this forum while waiting to be approved, even while he sits across the room from me without any knowledge that I know. I feel so hurt right now that it's taking everything in me not to cry or let on that I know what he is up to. We already sleep apart so at least I won't have to make an excuse to sleep elsewhere since I can barely look at him right now.

jjct posted 10/23/2013 22:44 PM

You have 40,000 people knowing exactly what you are feeling. Right now. You are not alone sister. Hang your weary head right here.

Skan posted 10/24/2013 11:21 AM

Hey there. Welcome. I sure wish that you didn't have the reason to find this site, but I'm glad that you did so that we can be in your corner.

If you're going to gather evidence, then make sure that you have a place to store it that he can't get to. If a WS can destroy evidence, they will. And deny that it ever existed.

I'm going to go look for a couple of posts to bump to the first page for you. They will have bulls eyes next to them and give you ideas on what to do. Please read them before you confront. They will help you do what you need to do and say what you need to say in the most effective way possible. When you confront, you want to be strong and you want to have all of your ducks in a row so you don't get side tracked. And I would second that you go see a lawyer to find out what your rights are. That's a another duck that you can have lined up "in case." (((hugs)))

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