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BeyondBreaking posted 10/23/2013 22:27 PM

Okay, something disgusting and terrible happened today.

Some background about my situation: DD's dad cheated with a bunch of OW. His main one was an ex of his- he used to take her to taco time and they f---Ed in his truck. Real classy thing she is. Anyway, at some point I found out and he ended things with her and she flew off the handle. Stalked our house, and at her worst threatened to kill DD and I. I have a court ordered restraining order in which she is to stay 500 feet away from my home, DD's home, my work, and both of us. She is not to contact either of us, first person or third party contact either. Restraining order is still active.

Additionally, when DD's dad and I broke up, I put a provision in our parenting plan about him not ever bringing DD around that person.

Today, after dinner, DD pointed at a commercial on television and said, "that looks like name of OW." I asked her to repeat herself, and DD immediately covered her mouth and refused to repeat herself, saying that she was afraid I would get mad.

I am not sure how to handle this situation. If DD's dad has been bringing her around this person, he would be violating our parenting plan, and I could choose to hold him in contempt if I investigated and proved it. Additionally, OW would be violating her restraining order by being around DD, and I could send her straight to jail. And most importantly, I might be able to modify our parenting plan and take away visitation from DD's dad or further limit it, if I am able to prove he intentionally brought her around someone who is a known threat to her life and not supposed to ever be around her.

My problems are:

1) I don't know how to prove this
2) I am not sure how expensive all of this would be
3) Is this really worth it? If DD's dad goes to jail again, he would lose his job. He is already not paying very often- any hopes for child support or reimbursement for her school, etc... Do I really want to utterly destroy his life?

Someone give me some advice, I don't really know what to do, but I am very upset and disturbed. I hope she just heard the name on a tv show or something, and that I am way WAY off base.

Hearthache again posted 10/23/2013 22:50 PM

I personally would do whatever I could to keep this person away from my DD. I would contact the police and explain what happened. Maybe having a police officer ask your DD what happened she may open up. Also explain to her that she is not in trouble but OW is the one who was wrong.

Also file with friend of the court. This is an innocent child who's life was threatened and if your ex wants to take it lightly than ok, but not you. You are to protect your child above all else.


What if something was to happen, could you forgive yourself for not doing everything to prevent it?

[This message edited by Hearthache again at 10:51 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]

anewday78 posted 10/23/2013 22:52 PM

I don't understand how you can even question what you need to do here. You've already stated that this woman is a threat to your daughter's life - the COURTS agreed with that when granting a restraining order. As a mother, you have a duty - no matter the cost - to protect your child, even if it's from her own father who is putting her in harm's way. If it means destroying him, so be it. You won't be destroying him anyway - ultimately, he'll be able to once again thank his own poor choices for the consequences visited upon him.

If DD's dad goes to jail again, he would lose his job.
Is this truly an issue considering this?
He is already not paying very often

[This message edited by anewday78 at 11:06 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]

anewday78 posted 10/23/2013 22:58 PM

I want to add that if you turn a blind eye to this and your xh continues to get more deeply involved with this lunatic, what happens if he dumps her or *gasp* she finds out he cheated on HER? Does your daughter become collateral damage all over again? Put an end to this shit at all costs - bulldoze both of them if you have to - they're both adults and they both know she is not to have any contact with your daughter. They chose to assume the risks involved in ignoring a judge's ruling so now they must assume the consequences of violating the terms set in that ruling. Too bad, so sad.

heartache101 posted 10/23/2013 23:49 PM

OMG! I just watched a talk show Dr Phil imagine that? and a child was killed by tbe OW! hire a pi if you have too. I am so sorry your x is not thinking imagine that!

karmahappens posted 10/23/2013 23:53 PM

1) I don't know how to prove this

Get your daughter to an IC STAT.

She threatened your daughters LIFE.

2) I am not sure how expensive all of this would be

I don't think your child's safety has a price

3) Is this really worth it? If DD's dad goes to jail again, he would lose his job. He is already not paying very often- any hopes for child support or reimbursement for her school, etc... Do I really want to utterly destroy his life?

His life or your DD, who is more important?

I lnow you are upset, but this really seems like a no brainer here. You have someone that threatened your DD's safety.

You know this wasn't a coincidence, your daughter's reaction when she covered her mouth says it all.

You need to get her to an IC and have everything documented, then contact the authorities.

I would NOT mention it to your ex, he could go into damage control. Your daughter doesn't need any head games from him!

Ostrich80 posted 10/24/2013 00:38 AM

How old is your DD? I ask because I'm wondering if she's old enough to question or is she too young to.understand an urgent answer and details. I think you need to get on this
quickly. If ws is stupid enough to have this crazy bitch around your DD,then he needs to be punished.

BeyondBreaking posted 10/24/2013 08:06 AM

You guys are right- DD is almost 5. I really don't want to drag her into the court system and be fighting with her father again, this is just such a mess! How could he have done that!

I am going to call my attorney to find out exactly what to do and what steps to take and how to move forward.

I already looked at OW's FB (oh god that was triggering-it has been a while). She has gotten married and just had baby number 2 literally weeks ago. I see that, and I can see that her and DD's dad are not friends on there- but that means nothing. They could be messaging each other, and she could be cheating on her H. He hasn't changed his phone number, never did block her, and not too long ago (few months) did mention that she tried to text him (of course he told me that and that he didn't text her back to try and look better- he could very easily be lying).

Or, the whole thing could be nothing-DD's dad could have simply showed her a picture. Or DD could have heard that name on television/at school and then been reacting to me freaking out about her saying it the first time. But it is better to know, than to not know.

So far, my H has been wonderfully supportive which is also good because usually in times of stress, we turn on each other. But he agreed with me, was just as concerned, and was very protective, which was a really nice change.

LovesLaboursLost posted 10/24/2013 08:25 AM

It *could* be nothing...but you don't want to find out the hard way. This woman threatened your dd life? Take action to resolve this. Like yesterday.

anewday78 posted 10/24/2013 10:51 AM

Come on, really!?

Or, the whole thing could be nothing-DD's dad could have simply showed her a picture.
Or, the fact that she put her hand over her mouth and wouldn't answer your question because she was "afraid you'd get mad" indicates that she HAS been in contact and she's been INSTRUCTED to keep it a secret. THAT seems like the most likely scenario to me and THAT is completely unacceptable on your xh and ow's parts. Nail there asses to the wall TODAY.

Ostrich80 posted 10/28/2013 00:43 AM

Or, the whole thing could be nothing-DD's dadcouldhave simply showed her a picture.

Or, the fact that she put her hand over her mouth and wouldn't answer your question because she was "afraid you'd get mad" indicates that she HAS been in contact and she's been INSTRUCTED to keep it a secret. THAT seems like the most likely scenario to me and THAT is completely unacceptable on your xh and ow's parts. Nail there asses to the wall TODAY.

^^^^^ I agree. I have a 5 yr old gdd, she does this when repeating something she's been told by her crazy ass mom while visiting.

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