As if I wasn't dealing with enough right now with still trying to deal with the infidelity on my own without outside help or discussions with WH, now I have something else to add more stress.
WH lost(long story but kinda quit after a major mistake) his job. He was the sole breadwinner and made decent money for the area we live but we were still only making it from paycheque to paycheque. We don't live extravagantly at all but we have a large debt that takes up a large portion of our income due to job losses by WH in the past. Plus, WH is bipolar and requires many medications for that plus a myriad of other conditions and now we have no health coverage.
I don't know how we are going to manage. With winter weather and heating bills, high debt repayments, prescription pills and the holidays around the corner, I am stressed to the max.
Along with the stress, I am feeling extremely sad. I was blessed to be able to stay at home with my daughter for the past 3 years and had planned to stay home this one last year before she goes to school and now that dream is gone. I have to find a job asap which will likely be a temporary retail position for little pay and terrible hours and no benefits. I have to give up my dream.
I will also likely have to give up my plan to go back to school next year once my daughter is in school. We won't be in a financial position to allow me to register for school by early next spring. So that puts that off for at least another year depending how much further in debt this particular unemployment results in. Another dream gone - POOF!
And I am mad. He took it upon himself to do this without informing me or discussing any of it with me first. I feel like I deserved to have some input.
But I don't feel like I can talk to him about any of this. I don't want to push him further into a depression. I feel like I have to be the strong one again and already it is breaking me. I used to be good at that. But after only a day, I am crying at the drop of a hat and getting mad at my DD4. I have no strength left after the year I have had.
Oh yeah, I should also mention that the dday of the PA is coming up and all of the related lies and deceptions including a terrible holiday last year which I was hoping to make better memories this year but now I will have 2 things to push deep down and hold them down to try to put on a happy face.
Sometimes I just feel like letting go of the rope and falling, falling...no net just sweet release from all my troubles. But I cannot do that to my baby.