I have not been here for awhile.
I just got too tired to talk of my pain.
Things have changed since I wrote my profile.
1year ago my ws admitted that he had an affair (although he doesn't call it that), for a few months. Not the one night stand, twice, while drunk.
It hurt so bad. I went back into therapy for a few months, alone again.
We don't have personal talks anymore. Haven't for a year. He responds with anger and I have died emotionally too much to care anymore.
I am staying for the kids and because I am scared to make it alone. Also because he has taken most of our personal money to invest in his company and so we couldn't afford to be separated.
I was a stay at home mom, but I have started working as a casual. But that doesn't make enough money for me yet.
Recently I mistakenly talked about my day at work and he criticized where I work, again.
This time I asked to not do that because it didn't make me feel good. He reacted with anger.
This is the kind of life I now live.
I am loosing a big part of me.
He will then act like nothing is wrong and try being nice and attentive again. For awhile.
And I then feel like the bad person when I get more and more detached from him as time goes on.
I can't hug him back....I can't put any effort into showing him affection.
I know what I should do
I am just weak.
And most of the time I just don't care anymore.
But I do get lonely.
So here I am again.