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momof1girl posted 10/24/2013 05:28 AM

Just out if the blue yesterday. She left one sentence, but it cut through me. I was so upset that I called WH immediately and read what she sent. He promised to talk with her about it immediately... But, I wish I had answered her the way I wanted, consequences or not. Her message basically implied that she made him happy and I hadn't.

khaleesi posted 10/24/2013 05:43 AM

OW contacted me as well just a few days ago. I think it was because she is unable to get ahold of WH anymore since he deleted his FB and changed his cell phone number. We actually discussed it in MC yesterday and she agreed that it sounds like OW is fishing for a way back into his life. I blocked her from contacting me again and WH agreed not to contact her in response to this.

Not responding to her very rude, disgusting message was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Every cell in my body screamed to tell her exactly what I thought of her, but that's what she wants I guess. After a day I decided to look at this as a good thing, confirmation that WH is not contacting her at all now.

mchercheur posted 10/24/2013 05:51 AM

(((momof1girl)))

He promised to talk with her about it immediately

Your WH should most certainly NOT be talking to her ever again.
There should be no more contact with her, by either of you. Crickets.
Indifference is a very strong message.
Block her on whatever medium she contacted you on.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 5:52 AM, October 24th (Thursday)]

UKgirl posted 10/24/2013 06:50 AM

I’ve read your previous thread. Has your WH made a commitment to you, or is he sitting on the fence with OW in the wings? This is very, very difficult for you with him being away and you being with your Mum – is this still the case and does she know?

Lay down some ground rules. If OW is still working with him, he is to go NC in every way possible. If he does have necessary contact or conversation with her, it is only about work, nothing else. No idle chit chat niceties. He is to write a letter to that effect.

Secondly, he is to be an open book and you should be able to contact him any time you want or need to. Any time. You should be more important than his job right now.

He should be with you physically as much as possible if you are not already under the same roof. Go over your finances and see what’s available to cut back on.

Change your phone numbers. Both of you. In the NC letter he must tell her she is NOT to contact you either. That all attempts at contact will be recorded and he will apply for a restraining order if she doesn’t stop. He tells her it is OVER, he loves his wife and family and is not going to jeopardise things any more than he already has done.

She is doing this to get a response from him. Don't give her the satisfaction that she has got to you.

Hugs
UKg

sailorgirl posted 10/24/2013 07:10 AM

You did the right thing. Don't validate OW with a response. You have class and dignity and are above her silly insults.

WH should not be responding either, in any way. Why would he communicate with a person who hurt your family so deeply? Ignore OW until she goes away. Block every avenue of connection. Protect your marriage from this immoral, weak, desperate person.

Is WH in counseling? He needs to fix the damage that allowed him to lie, deceive and break his vows.

As for what OW said, that's complete rubbish. If WH was truly unhappy, it was his job to do something about it! Each person is responsible for their own happiness. He could have given more to the marriage, taken up a new hobby, read books about how to be a more fulfilled person, gone to a therapist etc.

Instead, he threw away his integrity and values with a messed-up OW. He risked the most important people in his life and became an adulterer. Not exactly a recipe for happiness!

Raven96 posted 10/24/2013 07:17 AM

(((Momof1girl)))

You can deactivate that account as well. You can always reactivate it later, when things settle down. You need to go dark from both of them except for the phone so he can call your daughter.

She got everything she wants, so why contact you? Because she is an F-ing bully. Unbelievable!!!! THIS is what will eventually make you mad. It will come, and it will be a GOOD thing.

Go dark. I know it's hard, but you must.

Kelany posted 10/24/2013 07:35 AM

Why on earth is your WH going to talk to her??? He should be NC!!! She will get validation if he talks to her. No, no, no!

Raven96 posted 10/24/2013 07:38 AM

NC is not applicable in this case. WH and OP are together. OP is bullying Momof1girl.

shiloe posted 10/24/2013 07:50 AM

((momof1girl))

You need to go NC with both of them. Can you block her?

what a f*@king b#*ch!

heartache101 posted 10/24/2013 07:54 AM

I would file harrassment charges!

Go see a lawyer and file now!
You need to start painting her in the negative light so you can legally if possible keep her from being around your child!

LA44 posted 10/24/2013 08:00 AM

Exactly what heartache101 wrote. Exactly!

(((momof1girl))

momof1girl posted 10/24/2013 08:11 AM

Why can't things ever be resolved like they are on tv?

angerisme posted 10/24/2013 08:12 AM

Good Morning Mom...
I am going to send special prayers to the Gods of Revenge and Karma special for the idiot man and evil woman in your life...HOWEVER let me just say...I would not be too terribly surprised to learn that there is trouble in paradise :P Why else would the selfish cow attack you for no reason whatsoever? Think about it...remember laying in your lover's arms, filled with joy and satisfaction and dreams of the beautiful future together...and then suddenly..."OH WAIT HONEY! LET ME JUST SEND A LITTLE NOTE TO MAKE THIS MOMENT COMPLETE." NOT!!!

haha...I can guarantee you one thing...people ONLY target other people when they themselves are filled with dread and fear. I would be willing to bet there is more than ONE other woman...and OW1 is now getting a bitter taste of OW2....or....he is pining away for you and she knows it.

Enjoy the knowledge that SHE is miserable....and then set your sights on building yourself a great future! Maybe a new job or go to college...start a business...AND NEVER EVER EVER EVEN THINK ABOUT whats his name you used to trust before finding out he is a useless liar and evil manipulator.

KARMA IS AWESOME!!!

momof1girl posted 10/24/2013 08:32 AM

I don't know her reason. I just know I was feeling somewhat good yesterday because I got a job that I interviewed for earlier in the day. I couldn't wait to get home and share the info, which was something in and of itself... that I wanted to get home quickly. I came home, grabbed the phone and noticed my FB notification blinking. I went to my computer and saw it was a message in my inbox... and it was her. Immediately, whatever buzz I had was gone. I don't know about trouble in paradise, honestly. I think she was rubbing my face in the fact that he's with her and she's there and I'm not. I'm thousands of miles away and not sure what I'm going to do. The original plan was to work and save up and move back home and our future was going to look brighter. I can't see beyond the black clouds to any kind of future.

k94ever posted 10/24/2013 08:38 AM

Because this ain't Hollywood and people get hurt in real life.

Mom, you shouldn't be talking to your WS if he is living with the OW. All you are doing is feeding the Drama Llamas.

Block both him and her. All inquiries go through a lawyer or are emailed so you have a record of what was said. And if I was you I'd save the email the OW sent you to start building a case against her for harassment.

How High Schoolish of her. What....is she 16?


k9

UKgirl posted 10/24/2013 08:45 AM

Momof1 – what IS your situation? Are OW and WH together? Has WH finished the affair? Are you planning reconciliation? If so, does WH still work with OW? What are YOUR future plans?

And gold stars to you for getting the job!!! See? You CAN do it! Well done girl.

momof1girl posted 10/24/2013 08:53 AM

I don't even know the situation. He and I are still together, just I'm a few thousand miles away. He is also with her and she believes he left me completely for her... This is just one huge mess and leaving the marriage isn't easy. It's an international thing... long story.

sailorgirl posted 10/24/2013 09:05 AM

You are not "together" if he is with her.

SisterMilkshake posted 10/24/2013 09:12 AM

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Exactly!

momof1girl posted 10/24/2013 09:14 AM

I'm not ready to be over and he says he isn't either... but I don't know anything anymore. All I know is I try to be normal for my child when she is here and when she isn't, I lie in bed all day and cry. I feel like this is beyond wounding, this is straight massacre. Her contacting me brought me right back to the bottom of the well.

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