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So for the past few years off and on, this man has sent me messages. "How are you"? , they start out as and then get more personal or in depth.

I have always mentioned to X when I received one of these and told X my response, for this is an X of about 25 years ago. And this is partly why I question the motives.

Several times he's hinted at being miserable in his marriage and last time, when it came out that I was getting divorced, he talked about it too...but then said he would rather have someone willing to have an affair with him and not complication of divorce.

So, I wrote him a pretty harsh NC letter and thought I'd heard the last of it.

We share a mutual "friend" who he pesters betwixt and between and when I told her I was getting divorced, she said, "well, can he write to you again?"

Since I needed help with some things he knew about I allowed it, but now am very angry because he's gotten back to personal, wanting to go down memory lane.

So, to nip this in the bud, I got a little annoyed and said, "does your wife know you write to me?" He said that yes she does and he tried to say he speaks of me "at home", but then...well, don't you know, he wrote me good bye again.

Told me to look him up if I need anything, but ugg...

No doubt he was after an EA and he said before was not opposed to a PA...he knows my position and lot in life and I am very sad he would put myself and his wife/kids in such a position.

I noticed he got less friendly yesterday because our mutual friend, who I've written about on SI before because the H is cheating and we've known her since childhood...well, we were talking about "happiness" and how it relates to people vs ourselves and I think he didn't like some things I said because he got distant again, too, so that's good.

I gave my opinion that putting happiness in others is bad magumbo and staying married for kids is the same.

I guess my reason to write is that it really made me sad to think that there's another spouse out there who could get the ax.

And my friend in the military is being as naïve as I was and not helping herself. I think she's going to need a 2 x 4 too, but she's holding on tighter to a guy who's emotionally gone even harder than I was.

ETA that each speak of their happiest times being in the past, when love was new and they are seeking to have that back...they feel old and wish for high school times.

I'm having trouble relating because I live in the now and the past...the past is part of us but is gone. If we don't live in the present, we will lose that and the future won't stand a chance.

Then there is X who is making fights if I choose communication and I just don't understand what about myself has people be this way with me?

Is it a vibe?

Thanks for the vent.

P.S. How ironic is it that this man ended up cheating on me. We were kids, mind. But in current times, he and our friend are trying to tell me that "it never happened", "he was on medication"...well, the one he cheated with is his wife.

Why do I need this?

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 12:23 PM, October 24th (Thursday)]

My STBX's AP was the victim of an unfaithful spouse. To choose to put somebody else through this nightmare tells me everything I need to know about him. We are better than that. Have a good day