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Gottagetthrough posted 10/24/2013 12:27 PM

Today at music class, my 4 year old son was not too bad... He's been worse :-)

He is very active, etc. I think sitting and trying to do music might not be his thing. Maybe gymnastics or something would be better...

The teacher (we've been going to this class over a year). Said to my son, in front of the whole class, "johnny, you can have your sticker today, but next week, I want you to listen to mommy. If you don't, you will not get a sticker. OK? I'm holding you to that."

She's never done that to other kids.

I don't know how to feel about this-- an opportunity
to teach my very spirited son to sit and listen, or should I be pissed that she picked my kid out and said this in front of everyone?

I'm really nervous about next week. I was actually happy with his behavior this week. He did do a few things (run into the middle of the circle, etc). But he also participated well. I told him when I was happy with his behavior. I mean, does she expect certain behavior? She's never said anything.

I kinda don't want to go back

tushnurse posted 10/24/2013 12:53 PM

First of all, don't get mad at the teacher. Your kid will get called out for all kinds of stuff, and if you make a big deal about it at 4 he will learn that it isn't a normal thing, and freak every time it happens.

Sounds like he is an active kid, maybe even a little ADHD with impulsiveness, so what I would recommend is contacting the teacher, and asking her specifically what it was about this week, and what her expectations are. Then use that to talk to your son about it when you find out, and remind him again before going into class so he can try his best.

As a former ADHD kid, I can say that I was constantly not getting sticker, being singled out, and sometimes made to feel bad about my inability to control myself, what did it do for me? Made me not feel uncomfortable in front of others, I was always able to get up and speak to a group, I can take charge in almost any situation set before me. So being called out, in front of others is not a bad thing, it's how he reacts, and you react to it that make the difference.

circe posted 10/24/2013 14:26 PM

To be honest, I don't see anything wrong. She's the teacher, so she's supposed to be in charge and mete out the minor discipline that keeps a class running smoothly. You acknowledge that your son is spirited and active, and that his personality might not fit the music class because of this, at this age. There's nothing wrong with that. It sounds like she set one of her students a reasonable expectation and a reasonable boundary, with a clear consequence. I get that because it's your son you of course see a much bigger picture - his improvement, the times he was doing everything he should, and you provided the positive reinforcement for that. But her job as a teacher is different in this case than yours as a mom, so you're each just doing your thing.

There is pretty much no way (and iMO no reason, within the usual bounds) for a teacher to privately handle all minor discipline, especially with that age class, and by being so clear with her expectations in front of the class they've all understood an important boundary as well.

Gottagetthrough posted 10/24/2013 14:31 PM

Cool. I'll take this as an opportunity to help him learn how to sit and participate better.

I dont know why it felt bad when she did this today... Similar thing happened in a preschool class (son didn't get the treat) and I was GLAD that there was a consequence.

Something about the music teacher rubbed me the wrong way

jo2love posted 10/24/2013 14:47 PM

My mama bear "need to protect" claws come out if I think someone is disrespecting or being mean to my DD.

If she said it nicely and was respectful to him, then I would take it as a learning opportunity.

Gymnastics would probably be a lot of fun for him, too. DD loved it.

million pieces posted 10/25/2013 17:44 PM

Gymnastics was WONDERFUL for my spirited active boy.

monarchwings posted 10/25/2013 19:59 PM

I dunno making a 4 yr old sit through music might be torchure. I like more active stuff like gymnastics or soccer to burn off some of their energy. Better for kid and parent..LOL..

movingforward777 posted 10/26/2013 10:44 AM

How long is the music class? Is it "interactive" or do the kids have to sit and watch the teacher for a long period of time?
It is a lot to ask of a 4 yr old if that is the case.
Short periods of "instruction" followed by the kids doing it would be a good way to teach kids that age I would think.
How excited about learning music is your son? Is it something "he" wants to do, or something "you" think he should do?
My son was ADD and a "reward" system meant absolutely nothing to him...he just didn't have the ability to sit still for long periods of time...no amount of bribery or rewards made him...
Don't be quick to jump to the conclusion that is what it is...sounds like your son is a normal, active 4 yr old.....HUGS

Lucky2HaveMe posted 10/26/2013 14:23 PM

As a day care provider I see this a lot:

Kids do things for others that they don't necessarily do for their parents.

That teacher may have done you a favor! Before the next class you can remind your DS what the teacher said last time. Then he can be in control of getting the reward... or not.

Lalagirl posted 10/28/2013 11:06 AM

I dunno making a 4 yr old sit through music might be torchure. I like more active stuff like gymnastics or soccer to burn off some of their energy. Better for kid and parent..LOL

I agree.

My 4-year-old grandson is quite spirited and active. He loves sports and gymnastics - anything where he is active.

Undefinabl3 posted 10/28/2013 11:12 AM

I dunno making a 4 yr old sit through music might be torchure. I like more active stuff like gymnastics or soccer to burn off some of their energy. Better for kid and parent..LOL..

Sometimes i find being made to sit through things torture too, i'm 30.

Is 4 a little young to understand the lesson that is going on - probably, but this happens all the time in adult world.

You get a jerk boss that calls you out infront of everyone - how do you handle it?

Shaming a kid into behaving is an easy way out, but I would use it as a learning moment.