I think the EA part of his A began around this time, so that is triggering me a lot, and I'm feeling barfy still when I think about him touching her, and all the lies, and on and on, and I am dreading Christmas, but I don't feel hopeless anymore.
I told my H I wouldn't say, 'I just want to die' anymore, and so far I've been able to keep that promise. My kids appear to be emotionally stable and not flunking out of school. All in all, considering the trauma of the complete f*cking over of my whole entire life, I really think I'm going to be ok.
Just thought somebody might need to hear that, as a little encouragement. I know it's not exactly a Hallmark card. It's all a long, long way from healed, but I'm definitely, definitely better than I was after D-day.
Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.
WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013
Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?
This stuff sucks horribly but it actually DOES get better. Keep moving forward!
I don't say this to be discouraging, but because it can be very startling, when you think you're okay---then realize that whoa! you're not.
If that happens to you, remember how you feel today---and remind yourself that there WILL come a time, no matter WHAT the outcome, when peace and calm are the (lasting) norm.
ETA: It makes me uncomfortable that you husband has asked you to promise not to express certain things to him. Safety aside (it's important, don't you think, for a loving partner to KNOW if his wife is so down that the thought that ceasing to exist is preferable to enduring a moment more of agony?), you should be able to express your feelings. Even if they are uncomfortable for your husband. I'm not suggesting you have active ideation---just that you should be able to give voice to your feelings, and not feel encumbered by a promise extracted by the man who caused your pain.
[This message edited by solus sto at 8:01 AM, October 25th (Friday)]