"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

jemimapd posted 10/25/2013 09:14 AM

I am doing an house separation. Final hearing is end November and the in house is agreed. I can't change that.

I am absolutely wiped out. I have zero energy. I am normally very energetic but right now I am doing the minimumn. I can't believe how bad this exhaustion is.

Is this normal and how quickly will it get better?

7yrsflushed posted 10/25/2013 09:25 AM

I did in-house S leading up to official S when paperwork was filed and it was brutal. Is your IN-House ending in November? If so start marking your calendar off day by day. Focus on the end goal. For me it got better once STBX actually moved out. I still had ups and downs but it kept getting better once she was gone. In-house S sucks the life out of you, for me it really was a prison sentence and I was counting down the days. I tried to be gone as much as I could. I went to the gym as much as I could and went out with family on the weekends. I took the kids on trips when I could without STBXW and tried to start living my life like she didn't exist. It helped some but I always ended up having to come back to that house with her still in it. So for me anyway it really didn't get better until in-house was over. One day at a time until I was free.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 9:26 AM, October 25th (Friday)]

RyeBread posted 10/25/2013 09:48 AM

I just wanted you to know you are not alone. I am doing in house S also and it is one of the most soul emptying experiences I have ever had.

[This message edited by RyeBread at 9:49 AM, October 25th (Friday)]

jemimapd posted 10/25/2013 09:57 AM

You are right. It does suck the life out of you. It is soul-destroying. We are very civil but my WH just doesn't get it. Today he wanted a hug. I have made it clear that is completely inappropriate but he still asks from time to time.

What part of we are getting a divorce because of his serial infidelity is so difficult to grasp?

I think deep down he thinks that I will have a change of heart before the hearing. Hell will freeze over.....

I feel suspended and powerless. And too exhausted to do anything anyway. He is in the process of buying a house so we don't have a definite move out date.

RyeBread posted 10/25/2013 10:03 AM

I think deep down he thinks that I will have a change of heart before the hearing.

I get the same sense from my STBXWW, like if she waits long enough I will change my mind. She isn't doing anything to make the changes she is going to need when the D happens. Its frustrating. Not to mention the eggshells you have to walk on every single day.

7yrsflushed posted 10/25/2013 10:25 AM

He is in the process of buying a house so we don't have a definite move out date.

My STBX was in the process of building a house. The ready date kept getting pushed out for different reasons. I ultimately had to give her a GTFO date. She moved in with her family and it took an additional 3 months for them to finish her house. I needed a date for her to be gone and had to push to get it.

If you can push for a date no matter what that he is out go for it. Once all the paperwork was signed I pushed for her to be out as soon as possible.

jemimapd posted 10/25/2013 15:59 PM

Yes, it has definitely brought out to me my WH's complete denial about the state of our marriage. Honestly, I don't know how I managed to try to reconcile for so long.

He really doesn't get it. I think he would be very happy continuing to live together for the rest of our lives.
He was nicely set up with his wife and his girlfriends. This was why he constantly bleated during what passed for reconcilation that, "I never woud have left you." Of course not, he had me running his business and his girlfriends for fun.

Gemini71 posted 10/25/2013 16:54 PM

Exhaustion is a symptom of depression. Talk to your doctor. He can test for physical reasons for lack of energy or help you get treatment for depression if that is the cause.

Spelljean posted 10/25/2013 18:38 PM

Can't imagine. I lived with WH for two months after dday, until he moved out. I think he was wavering and OW finally applied so much pressure he finally left.

I don't know how I'd survive a longer in-house separation.

Thefly559 posted 10/26/2013 06:50 AM

I can surely understand and identify with your pain. I am not in in house separation but I did live there for the month or two prior to discovery. After she told me she wanted a divorce but not why! I can tell you I was dying , I was tore up from the inside! It was torture . The pain was unbearable! She would stay out all night, not come home, she would leave things out for me to find, she locked the bedroom door and wouldn't let me in!! So much more. Having her so close physically and so far emotionally was killer! I know your pain . You are stronger than me , that is good . I am not sure why you stay , or do not have him removed but that is your choice. I wish you all the best! Good luck