SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

adjective

1. (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
"I joined them for selfish reasons"
synonyms: egocentric, egotistic, egotistical, egomaniacal, self-centered, self-absorbed, self-obsessed, self-seeking, self-serving, wrapped up in oneself; More
antonyms: altruistic

Yep...that was me. What an asshole I was, and maybe still am. But I'm working on it.

Yup me to a T as well. I still feel as though I am selfish and don't know how to break this habit. All we can do is consciously try every second of every day to be different. It is exhausting but worth it. it is hard to become a brand new person. To create a new kinder being when it does not come naturally. open doors for strangers smile at them, for thier day may actually be worse than yours ( ours) And listen to others with everything you have. Stay strong!

It was just an eye-opener to read the definition and see myself for what I was. I'm working on not being selfish. It's sad that it requires effort on my part. I think what also makes things complicated to understand is that I often put my own desires to the side in order to avoid conflict. So, I wasn't always selfish. But perhaps the selfish side of me was what made me resentful because I felt like I deserved what I wanted, but gave in "to keep the peace". I wasn't keeping the peace, I was letting my resentments fester.

Was my picture in the dictionary next to the word? It used to be. My pic used to be next to liar, cheater, delusions, sad, pathetic, and douchey, too.

Not any more. Mostly!

My BH and I have talked about this word quite a bit over the past year plus since DDay. I was very selfish to have an affair; I was thinking only of myself. BH has told me (and our MC) that I am still selfish; I will always do what I want to do. Where I get hung up is the fact that I want to help him heal. I want to help him have a more peaceful, loving home to come home to at the end of the day. I want him to feel cherished and adored and loved and honored and all those other feelings that I did not nurture in the past. Some days I have a hard time reconciling these two facets of selfishness.