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Newest Member: Invisiblesoul (61783)

User Topic: Selfish
♂ 33607
Member # 33607
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, October 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


1. (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
"I joined them for selfish reasons"
synonyms: egocentric, egotistic, egotistical, egomaniacal, self-centered, self-absorbed, self-obsessed, self-seeking, self-serving, wrapped up in oneself; More
antonyms: altruistic

Yep...that was me. What an asshole I was, and maybe still am. But I'm working on it.

Me: FWS 46


Posts: 445 | Registered: Oct 2011
♀ 40959
Member # 40959
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, October 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup me to a T as well. I still feel as though I am selfish and don't know how to break this habit. All we can do is consciously try every second of every day to be different. It is exhausting but worth it. it is hard to become a brand new person. To create a new kinder being when it does not come naturally. open doors for strangers smile at them, for thier day may actually be worse than yours ( ours) And listen to others with everything you have. Stay strong!

Me- WS- 30
Him BS- 35
A- 1 month
Kids 1 age 6
D-day- 10/6/2013

"Just as night is followed by day,so to your dark times will be followed by brighter days"

Posts: 23 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Menifee Ca
♂ 33607
Member # 33607
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, October 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was just an eye-opener to read the definition and see myself for what I was. I'm working on not being selfish. It's sad that it requires effort on my part. I think what also makes things complicated to understand is that I often put my own desires to the side in order to avoid conflict. So, I wasn't always selfish. But perhaps the selfish side of me was what made me resentful because I felt like I deserved what I wanted, but gave in "to keep the peace". I wasn't keeping the peace, I was letting my resentments fester.

Me: FWS 46


Posts: 445 | Registered: Oct 2011
♂ 39665
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Was my picture in the dictionary next to the word? It used to be. My pic used to be next to liar, cheater, delusions, sad, pathetic, and douchey, too.

Not any more. Mostly!

2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 51. Her: BW, 50. Married 20 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 404 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
♀ 40654
Member # 40654
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My BH and I have talked about this word quite a bit over the past year plus since DDay. I was very selfish to have an affair; I was thinking only of myself. BH has told me (and our MC) that I am still selfish; I will always do what I want to do. Where I get hung up is the fact that I want to help him heal. I want to help him have a more peaceful, loving home to come home to at the end of the day. I want him to feel cherished and adored and loved and honored and all those other feelings that I did not nurture in the past. Some days I have a hard time reconciling these two facets of selfishness.

Him: BH 1969
Me: WW 1973

Wedding: April 9, 1994

Son: 1998 (college freshman)
Son: 2002 (high school freshman)

Caught at AP's house: 10 Aug 2012

I do not have it all together.

Posts: 862 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Far, far away
Topic Posts: 5

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