Do I ask? Do I let it go? I have no idea what direction to go, and obviously, he's quite the liar, so I don't know how/if this would be any different.
ALSO: I went to Wal-mart and got copies of all of his receipts for several months, and know he hasn't been getting extra cash that way.
[This message edited by Iamhappytoday at 11:47 AM, October 25th (Friday)]
If anything, I will request financial records at mediation. I think you are right about letting sleeping dogs lie for now.
And don't even get me started on division of assets!!!! This guy is screwing me over, but by the time I spent serious $$$ fighting it out, I'd be less well off financially...
My suspicious brain is yelling out that they said that so that your WH can pay the very LEAST to you as you gain employment, he will be off the hook for maximum pay.
I was advised by people to wait until later and others I know have done this, too. Then they go within a pay scale to keep the CS money to a maximum-it becomes a very messy game.
It would be my 2 cents to not ask your WH directly about the money because it could stir up unnecessary trouble between you and make stress for you. There are other ways to find out, like you were able to do at the store. Asking him could also send him further "under cover", so to speak.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
I wouldn't bother asking him about where the money is coming from because any answer you get could just as likely be a lie as it is the truth. That leaves you in the same position of not knowing so why bother?
After separating from my ex I had to learn to focus solely on *my* money. I was the financial planner when we were married so it was (and still is!) very difficult to stop wondering wtf he is wasting his money on while his bills go unpaid. Instead, I focus on the money that he is supposed to pay me. As long as the support payments come on time, he can make a bonfire with the rest of his income for all I care.
I have not yet filed under advisement from our mediator until I get a job and we can set up CS, etc.
Oh, I just reread this. I hope you realize that a mediator will not advise you on what is best for YOU. There job is simply to get a settlement. If they think a settlement will be easier if you already have a job, then they may advise of to get a job.
MY advice to you is to get a lawyer ASAP!! YOUR L will advise you on what is best FOR YOU, not what may be easiest to get a settlement. I am not saying that mediators are not trustworthy, but they absolutely are NOT on your side so you should not trust their advice.
I agree with what everyone has advised. No job till after divorce, get that CS at the highest amount possible. It's extremely difficult to come back into the work place after staying home for any length of time to raise the kids. Because of that, an employer may lowball you with starting wages. Make sure you are getting every dime possible coming in you will need it.
I'd ask the attorney about spousal support for a minimum of a year, that will give you time to find a job and get settled in the company.
I hope you realize that a mediator will not advise you on what is best for YOU. There job is simply to get a settlement. If they think a settlement will be easier if you already have a job, then they may advise of to get a job.
This times 100.
The mediator is not on your side at all, they are on the side of the process of getting you divorced.
Because of this mediators are only good for couples who are willing to be fair and basically honest. This doesn't seem to be the case with you if he's still spending marital assets on his "recreational activities". You need your own lawyer.
Don't trust this guy's word. If I were you, I would file immediately to protect yourself financially. Good luck..