This was a pretty bad week for me. I was feeling good at the beginning of the week, like I am holding the cards and I am stronger and I have a good chance to get what I want given Mr. Integrity is such a huge coward.
I had an appointment with my attorney on Wednesday. On Tuesday, I wrote out an outline of what I wanted to discuss, mainly strategy, timing, etc for what I want to get re custody, finances, etc. I spent a lot of time writing out my rationale for my position as back up. I was feeling pretty good.
I was hoping to bang through all my questions because they are quite busy there, and I wanted to keep in under one hour because this is not cheap.
So, two hours and $600 later, I had a pretty non productive meeting that turned into probably the most expensive therapy session ever.
She gave me tough love, again. She told me the truth. Yea. She told me the strategy is to wait it out, slow it down, grieve, get healed so you can approach this like a non-emotional business deal because the legal system isn't going to consider what a shitty thing this bastard has done to you, they don't care, non of my "ammunition" really matters here in this state. She said divorce court is not the place to get justice, it is not fair, it totally sucks, and she doesn't really think I am ready to make the decisions I need to make yet.
I brought up all my concerns and ammunition, and she played devils advocate with me...
50/50 custody would not be good option for my family. Especially the dreaded, yet popular with judges, 5-2-2-5 plan. My poor kids would hate it, shuttling back and forth, being away from mom 5 days in a row would be HELL. I had shit communication with Mr. Integrity before, and this freak show of a plan would be a nightmare unless you were totally amiable.
Drug testing? maybe to scare him, but not to really impact custody all that much.
Psychological testing? maybe will scare him but unless he is diagnosed with something MAJOR, it won't matter.
The fact he travels and has a sales job and could never help with kids before? doesn't matter, the judge will say just because he didn't before doesn't mean he can't now.
Being into swinging and open marriage and other Lifestyle/morality issues that may impact parenting of two young girls? Doesn't matter as long as he isn't having a three way right in front of them.
If I contributed more financially to the marriage over the years and this divorce is going to break us and it is his fault do I get compensated in some way? No, doesn't matter and she said, "you can thank Gloria"
Alimony? A big maybe! Even though I gave up my career to stay home and support his career and my family, given my salary and work history, they may actually penalize me for not trying to go back to work already (3 months out of d day) and I may get nothing, but won't know it for another 6-9 months when it would be pretty detrimental...
What the HELL!!!!!! It was so depressing. I know I asked for the meeting, I was anxious, there is nothing I really need to do right now, we don't even have a pre-trial intial hearing yet. I know she told me the truth, the reality, so I am not wasting more money chasing a bunch of bullshit...but GEEZ this SUCKS.
It boils down to this, in a no fault, community property state a trial is not going to end well for me getting what I want. This, of course, is not fair, but it is what it is. I asked her why does anyone even need lawyers then...to negotiate on your behalf she says, to get you the best package your going to get.
This F*ING SUCKS. I have a nuclear option and I really hope I won't have to use it, but man, they aren't leaving me many options...