Right after D-day, I bought a book about saving our marriage, but now I just really want something that focuses on how to heal after the A. How do I (BS) heal from the A? My WH has done very little work on himself, but I want to recover...even if it's on my own.
Yay for inner strength!
Reading really really helped me!
[This message edited by Medea1536 at 6:25 PM, November 8th (Friday)]
Living the Truth by Keith Ablow, MD (ISBN 0-316-01782-5)
~ Dr. Keith Ablow, bestselling author and host of a new daily one-hour daytime-TV talk show, presents his first self-help book. Based on more than 20 years of clinical experience and highlighting stories from his own practice, Ablow shows how ignoring or burying painful memories and experiences can negatively affect every aspect of our lives, and he presents strategies to help the reader transform the pain of the past into the power of the future. In a world where short-term talk therapy and medication are the latest trends to "fixing" an unhappy life, Ablow's message is controversial. But though examining the past can be daunting, LIVING THE TRUTH is as comforting and rewarding as it is transformative. And through Ablow's fine storytelling skills, empathetic voice, and straight-up advice, the experience of reading this extraordinary book becomes the first step to living a truly authentic life.
The Secret of Letting Go by Guy Finley (ISBN 0-87542-223-3)
~ Guy Finley’s message of self-liberation has touched people around the world. Discover how to extinguish self-defeating thoughts and habits that undermine true happiness. Exploring relationships, depression, and stress, his inspiring words can help you let go of debilitating anxiety, unnecessary anger, paralyzing guilt, and painful heartache. True stories, revealing dialogues, and thought-provoking questions will guide you toward the endless source of inner strength and emotional freedom that resides within us all.
How Can I Forgive You? The Courage To Forgive, The Freedom Not To by Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D. (ISBN 0-06-000390-6)
~ Using illustrative material from her nearly 30 years as a therapist, the author outlines four approaches to forgiveness: (1) cheap forgiveness, which she sees as an inauthentic act of peacekeeping that resolves nothing; (2) refusing to forgive, which is categorized as a rigid response that keeps one entombed in hate; (3) acceptance, which is a healing gift that asks nothing of the offender; and (4) genuine forgiveness, which the author describes as a healing transaction and an intimate dance. Spring has discovered that we are all looking for "some new approach, that frees us from the corrosive effects of hate, gives voice to the injustice, and helps us to make peace with the person who hurt us and with ourselves." This self-help book is aimed at those who have done wrong and those who have been wronged.
Happiness NOW!by Robert Holden, Ph.D. (ISBN-10: 140192039X; ISBN-13: 978-1401920395)
~ Happiness NOW! is a truly powerful and radical exploration of one of life’s most treasured goals. Packed with rich insights and practical wisdom, it offers a message of profound hope and healing for a generation that is often too busy chasing happiness to be truly happy.
Robert Holden, Ph.D., presents a personal, warm, and entertaining account of how he developed his pioneering work with The Happiness Project. Using a highly creative mix of stories, exercises, meditations, poetry, and prayer, Robert shares his distinctive philosophy and practice of “the how of happiness.”
Visionary and practical, challenging and compassionate, Happiness NOW! gives you valuable keys to true self-acceptance, everyday abundance, loving relationships, inner success, and lasting joy - starting NOW!
"Are you hurting the one you love?
You said you got to heaven, but it wasn't enough."
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli
The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity by Scott Haltzman
The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family
by Eleanor Payson
I'm also less than 3 months from DDay... so YMMV
The smart man divorces a lawyer.
The smarter man never marries one in the first place.
To her we were never worth the effort. :-/
Healing is a Choice - Steve Arterburn
The Strong and The Weak - Paul Tournier
Grace Filled Marriage - Tim Kimmel
Walking With God Through Pain And Suffering - Timothy Keller
Suffering builds perseverance, perseverance character and character hope.
Hope you're doing okay since you posted this and finding all the written wisdom in the world!
For my own healing, I wound up leaving the affair themed books behind. I found them potentially useful moving forward only if Ws was participating, which he was not. So I started to dabble in books that focused on me dealing with my emotions, my wants and needs and I'm so glad I did. Working on me actually worked it's way into my feelings about the A, and helped me move toward healing there too.
I work with books so I skimmed a lot!!! But I have to say I adore melody beattie. It's more much more than codepency stuff...it's runs the gamut of emotional and self empowerment themes. I especially liked her letting go book even if repetitive.
David richo is an author I like for his book how to be an adult in relationships. And because my Ws is very selfish icread the Oz book about narcissism which helped open my eyes in a huge way to what I was really dealing with.
Also pema chodron , who hails from Buddhism but who rally is entirely human focused is great. Many of her stuff is available for free on YouTube. Great lessons for holding it together and valuing ourselves.
Self healing is so vital. More important in a way than R. Or at least probably wise to do before R. Take back yourself before you give yourself to another person again....that's my thinking anyway and I really believe it.
[This message edited by TheAgonyOfIt at 1:28 AM, January 14th (Tuesday)]
Not infidelity based at all. It really is an inspirational and uplifting book that gets ya thinking.
I think it's exactly what MH & DS did in making this site
[This message edited by Lucky2HaveMe at 12:05 PM, January 14th (Tuesday)]
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords
Especially good for those in limbo.
Also book called Deal Breakers. Pink cover. Helpful when we are blind to the boundaries we really should be holding. doeS a good job of showing which behaviors are encouraging, and which are truly unacceptable. I know I accepted the unacceptable for far too long. Good for moving forward.
It is not just about losing a love - but the loss of anything - a pet, the innocence in a marriage, a job, etc. It is just one of the best books of all time. It saved my life many years ago.
Good luck to you.