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Book for healing myself?

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Healing2012 posted 10/25/2013 13:54 PM

I looked through the books section in the Healing Library, but was hoping to get a recommendation.

Right after D-day, I bought a book about saving our marriage, but now I just really want something that focuses on how to heal after the A. How do I (BS) heal from the A? My WH has done very little work on himself, but I want to recover...even if it's on my own.

Yay for inner strength!

Any recommendations?

dmari posted 11/8/2013 02:31 AM

Good for you!! I borrowed a bunch of books from the library. I also bought some. My favorites: Healing from Abandonment, all codependency books by M. Beattie, When He Leaves (faith based), Runaway Husband.

Reading really really helped me!

Skye posted 11/8/2013 08:04 AM

Check out M.J. Ryan. She has a number of books and they are all amazing.

Healing2012 posted 11/8/2013 10:42 AM

Thanks you guys! So much stuff to read about healing your marriage, but not much on personal healing. I love the suggestions

sisoon posted 11/8/2013 12:12 PM

Born to Win, Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward. I think it's been in print fro 40 years.

Medea1536 posted 11/8/2013 18:07 PM

I have found that anything by the Dalai Lama has really helped me. One Buddhist philosophy is that anger and rage will only continue to consume us, forgiveness can set us free. I know, this is a bit "out there" for some people, but I have found it very helpful. "The Art of Happiness" or "the Dalai Lama's Little Book of Wisdom" are both great. Sorry, this is not in any way meant to offend, only to help:)

[This message edited by Medea1536 at 6:25 PM, November 8th (Friday)]

looking forward posted 11/14/2013 15:05 PM

Forgiveness ~ How To Make Peace With Your Past And Get On With Your Life by Dr. Sidney B. Simon and Suzanne Simon (ISBN 0-446-39259-6)
~ Based on their popular "Forgiveness" seminar, the author of Getting Unstuck and his wife designed to help readers let go of their pain and get on with their lives.

Living the Truth by Keith Ablow, MD (ISBN 0-316-01782-5)
~ Dr. Keith Ablow, bestselling author and host of a new daily one-hour daytime-TV talk show, presents his first self-help book. Based on more than 20 years of clinical experience and highlighting stories from his own practice, Ablow shows how ignoring or burying painful memories and experiences can negatively affect every aspect of our lives, and he presents strategies to help the reader transform the pain of the past into the power of the future. In a world where short-term talk therapy and medication are the latest trends to "fixing" an unhappy life, Ablow's message is controversial. But though examining the past can be daunting, LIVING THE TRUTH is as comforting and rewarding as it is transformative. And through Ablow's fine storytelling skills, empathetic voice, and straight-up advice, the experience of reading this extraordinary book becomes the first step to living a truly authentic life.

The Secret of Letting Go by Guy Finley (ISBN 0-87542-223-3)
~ Guy Finley’s message of self-liberation has touched people around the world. Discover how to extinguish self-defeating thoughts and habits that undermine true happiness. Exploring relationships, depression, and stress, his inspiring words can help you let go of debilitating anxiety, unnecessary anger, paralyzing guilt, and painful heartache. True stories, revealing dialogues, and thought-provoking questions will guide you toward the endless source of inner strength and emotional freedom that resides within us all.

How Can I Forgive You? The Courage To Forgive, The Freedom Not To by Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D. (ISBN 0-06-000390-6)
~ Using illustrative material from her nearly 30 years as a therapist, the author outlines four approaches to forgiveness: (1) cheap forgiveness, which she sees as an inauthentic act of peacekeeping that resolves nothing; (2) refusing to forgive, which is categorized as a rigid response that keeps one entombed in hate; (3) acceptance, which is a healing gift that asks nothing of the offender; and (4) genuine forgiveness, which the author describes as a healing transaction and an intimate dance. Spring has discovered that we are all looking for "some new approach, that frees us from the corrosive effects of hate, gives voice to the injustice, and helps us to make peace with the person who hurt us and with ourselves." This self-help book is aimed at those who have done wrong and those who have been wronged.

Happiness NOW!by Robert Holden, Ph.D. (ISBN-10: 140192039X; ISBN-13: 978-1401920395)
~ Happiness NOW! is a truly powerful and radical exploration of one of life’s most treasured goals. Packed with rich insights and practical wisdom, it offers a message of profound hope and healing for a generation that is often too busy chasing happiness to be truly happy.

Robert Holden, Ph.D., presents a personal, warm, and entertaining account of how he developed his pioneering work with The Happiness Project. Using a highly creative mix of stories, exercises, meditations, poetry, and prayer, Robert shares his distinctive philosophy and practice of “the how of happiness.”

Visionary and practical, challenging and compassionate, Happiness NOW! gives you valuable keys to true self-acceptance, everyday abundance, loving relationships, inner success, and lasting joy - starting NOW!

Healing2012 posted 11/14/2013 17:38 PM

Thank you! I keep coming back to see if anyone else has I've got a long list to take to my library!

embee posted 11/15/2013 14:46 PM

Echoing thanks, this thread is very helpful for me too. I've realized now this is where my focus needs to be, with or without WH.

Lyonesse posted 11/15/2013 18:22 PM

The Bounce Back Book: How to Thrive in the Face of Adversity, Setbacks, and Losses

Karen Salmansohn

phmh posted 11/15/2013 19:18 PM

Not a book, but I think that the website really helped me and is a good place to spend a few minutes.

Helen of Troy posted 1/8/2014 15:05 PM

Bounce Back book is an excellent one to keep in purse or diaper bag or brief case!

totalheartbreak posted 1/10/2014 09:49 AM

I've found the following pretty helpful:

Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli

The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity by Scott Haltzman

The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family
by Eleanor Payson

I'm also less than 3 months from DDay... so YMMV

focusupward posted 1/13/2014 14:59 PM

Couple of great recent reads:

Healing is a Choice - Steve Arterburn

The Strong and The Weak - Paul Tournier

Grace Filled Marriage - Tim Kimmel

Walking With God Through Pain And Suffering - Timothy Keller

TheAgonyOfIt posted 1/14/2014 00:47 AM

Hi healing,

Hope you're doing okay since you posted this and finding all the written wisdom in the world!

For my own healing, I wound up leaving the affair themed books behind. I found them potentially useful moving forward only if Ws was participating, which he was not. So I started to dabble in books that focused on me dealing with my emotions, my wants and needs and I'm so glad I did. Working on me actually worked it's way into my feelings about the A, and helped me move toward healing there too.

I work with books so I skimmed a lot!!! But I have to say I adore melody beattie. It's more much more than codepency's runs the gamut of emotional and self empowerment themes. I especially liked her letting go book even if repetitive.

David richo is an author I like for his book how to be an adult in relationships. And because my Ws is very selfish icread the Oz book about narcissism which helped open my eyes in a huge way to what I was really dealing with.

Also pema chodron , who hails from Buddhism but who rally is entirely human focused is great. Many of her stuff is available for free on YouTube. Great lessons for holding it together and valuing ourselves.

Self healing is so vital. More important in a way than R. Or at least probably wise to do before R. Take back yourself before you give yourself to another person again....that's my thinking anyway and I really believe it.

Best wishes!!!!!!

[This message edited by TheAgonyOfIt at 1:28 AM, January 14th (Tuesday)]

Lucky2HaveMe posted 1/14/2014 12:01 PM

Turning Hurts into Halos by [Robert H. Schuller

Not infidelity based at all. It really is an inspirational and uplifting book that gets ya thinking.

I think it's exactly what MH & DS did in making this site

[This message edited by Lucky2HaveMe at 12:05 PM, January 14th (Tuesday)]

gypsybird87 posted 1/14/2014 16:44 PM

Getting Past Your Breakup by Susan Elliott is terrific. I found it really helpful.

TheAgonyOfIt posted 1/16/2014 02:27 AM

Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion

Especially good for those in limbo.

Also book called Deal Breakers. Pink cover. Helpful when we are blind to the boundaries we really should be holding. doeS a good job of showing which behaviors are encouraging, and which are truly unacceptable. I know I accepted the unacceptable for far too long. Good for moving forward.

eleanor2012 posted 3/3/2014 10:44 AM

How to Survive the Loss of a Love

It is not just about losing a love - but the loss of anything - a pet, the innocence in a marriage, a job, etc. It is just one of the best books of all time. It saved my life many years ago.

Good luck to you.

MandMs posted 3/12/2014 15:41 PM

Just started reading Living and Loving After Betrayal by Steven Stosny. Its about healing from betrayal in general, including adultery. It's focus is on healing and not trying the figure out the whys and hows.

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