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letting go

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little turtle posted 10/25/2013 16:55 PM

Saw this on baggage reclaim via facebook:

How many of us can relate?

betraydtwice posted 10/25/2013 17:54 PM

Yup...definitely understand this

Ashland13 posted 10/25/2013 18:40 PM

Sign me up.

SBB posted 10/25/2013 19:27 PM

Yeppers!

It didn't feel like it at the time but his A was my free pass to get out of a shitty M. It wasn't shitty because of all of his Affairs, it was shitty because of his wayward mindset included emotional abuse as well as the abuse of infidelity.

He was the ideal man for the first 2-3 years. It was enormously difficult for me to accept that he acted for so long - enormously difficult for me to accept that I was not only holding on to nothing but also hurting myself by holding on.

The man I thought I married and had children with never existed, why was I waiting around for him to 'come back'?

little turtle posted 10/25/2013 20:36 PM

It's amazing how different things look when you are looking back.

Housefulloflove posted 10/25/2013 22:22 PM

I can definitely relate. When this all went down I wanted desperately to hold on to our marriage because we put 10 F*king YEARS into it and had 3 children who were going to have their lives turned upside down for nothing.

As the real Ex became clearer and clearer and I began to learn that everything about him was a lie (I consider our marriage a long con), it became easier to let go. Fighting to maintain an illusion was obviously not the best course of action for my children and myself.

tesla posted 10/25/2013 22:39 PM

Time is showing how true that is for me. The man I thought ex-shat was was an ideal he aspired to be. That person never actually existed but because we both believed that someday he would exist, we muddled on in our hellacious co-dependency.

lifestoshort posted 10/26/2013 09:56 AM

"Time is showing how true that is for me. The man I thought ex-shat was was an ideal he aspired to be. That person never actually existed but because we both believed that someday he would exist, we muddled on in our hellacious co-dependency."

this is my exact scenario. i went around in circles with him for a yr because of what he claimed he would do. words are not actions tho. and so we kept spinning.

and this
"Fighting to maintain an illusion was obviously not the best course of action for my children and myself"
after my last ex cheated i stayed in the mode of wanting this "illusion" of marriage and being one with someone. even tho it was destroying my soul. I was hanging onto MOMENTS of happiness I had with him. not the overall. But I also had to go thru it to learn to be more, accept and grow.

perhaps this is why Im not willing to stay in a relationship for the what ifs and the maybe it could be betters.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 10:03 AM, October 26th (Saturday)]

little turtle posted 10/27/2013 13:12 PM

Time is showing how true that is for me.

I agree. It took me some time to realize there was nothing there.

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