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Dare I hope?

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Sammy2013 posted 10/25/2013 18:28 PM

Well, he came home last night. The first time I see him in person since finally getting the truth about sex and the last time being last week. Also the first time seeing him since I told him I was filing. He asked to talk to me this morning. It turned into 2 hours if very calm discussion. He went first and came clean on everything. Gave me a timeline, feelings, etc. For the first time since this all started I actually believe what he is telling me. Mainly because it adds up to my time line. I then spoke, told him my time line of finding out, my feelings, etc. Yesterday he called my dad and filled him in. Dad came over and he and step mom were amazing and I needed it. He also told his father. Then he called the kids in. My 7 year old told me she was sad last night and didn't want her family to change (kids are very perceptive and she had seen my crying all the time). WS said he hurt mommy, but he would spend the rest of his life trying to make it right. And if he was lucky Mommy would let him try. But he did a bad thing. My 9 year old of course wanted to know what. Without being too graphic, WS told him he kissed another girl and thought he loved her. But he was confused and loved mommy very much and feels ashamed that he did that. Kids seem ok, but I am going to watch them closely.

So, we are at him in guest room, MC appointment for next week, IC appts for next week. Me making it known to him that this does not mean it's fixed. He has given me full access to phone, email, etc. both of us go for STD testing next week (he admitted to not using a condom). He cut off all contact with OW (showed me email). Deleted all if her contact info from every device in front of me.

I want to have hope. But with all of the trickle truth I am approaching like a dog who has been beaten and there is a hand reaching out to it. I want to hope that this one won't smack me, but I am cautious. I still have my appointment with the attorney next week too. I hugged him today, but won't lie, it was hard. I don't know if I will ever be able to have physical contact with him without thinking if him touching her the same way.

karmahappens posted 10/25/2013 18:37 PM

Hang onto your hope Sammy.

It's a good thing to have during this time. Whether you R or D you need the hope that your future will be wonderful and you will find your way.

I would walk slowly and follow your gut. It took a lot for him to call your dad and to confess to everyone.

I don't agree with him telling the kids he doesn't know if you will let him fix things, IMO thats putting the blame on you should you decide to D. I would let him know discussions with the kids need to be done together and with a plan.

You don't have to decide anything today. You do owe it to yourself to continue with your healing, so do that. See the atty, know your rights.

Get strong inside and out and let him do the same. If further down the road you want to continue, you take the next step. Let him do the lifting right now, let him continue to provide you with the actions which will ultimately make your decision to R or S/D easier to make.

Just watch....actions not words.

kra127 posted 10/25/2013 19:51 PM

Hi Sammy2013, I think you're doing the right thing by exploring all of your options. Hugs. Because our situations are so similar, I am going to look for updates from you. IC has helped me so much and I feel so much better when I leave there. I hope you get the same feeling after your appt.

Sammy2013 posted 10/25/2013 20:20 PM

Karma, I addressed that after the talk. I was present for it.

Kra - I am looking forward to IC. I will admit that I lost who was over the past ten years and became mother and wife only. I need to find me.

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