"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

embee posted 10/25/2013 19:31 PM

Okay, this might be silly, and sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong place. But I'm trying to cut back on my spending lately, so I'm getting as many books as I can from the library. Lots of recommendations from here. While some of them are sort of innocuous sounding, a lot of them make it REALLY obvious that they're about marital infidelity. I go to a small town library, in a place where I just moved - now all the librarians are going to know. :(

Am I insane for even thinking about this? It's not like they "know" me, or I know them...I just see them when I check out a book. But now I'm feeling like I should cancel all my hold requests. It feels like airing my dirty laundry.

Did anyone else experience something similar, or am I a total nutbar?

Ascendant posted 10/26/2013 14:08 PM

Do they possibly have self check-out? I know my library does? Also, many libraries nowadays have agreements with other nearby libraries that let you check out from other libraries...so if that's an option, you could go a town or two over where no one knows you....

wifehad5 posted 10/26/2013 15:19 PM

I do understand what you're feeling, but I'm sure they've seen everything. For all they know, you could be doing research for a class

embee posted 10/26/2013 15:34 PM

Heh, yeah, I thought about telling them it's research. They should have a notes section when you request a hold. "I'm getting these for a friend!"

I think in a way I NEED to do this, just to get over it. My library doesn't have self check out, and even if they did, holds are always behind the counter. SOMEONE'S going to know what's up. More than anything I think I was nervous about what WH's reaction would be. We always go to the library together. But, I told him I requested a bunch of books and while he seemed a little taken aback, I think he felt he couldn't really say anything... and he's 100% right!

metamorphisis posted 10/26/2013 16:31 PM

embee, another option is if you have an ereader or tablet or laptop you could download them from home . Our library has a pretty extensive list of materials we can borrow online. I don't even have to set foot in the building

embee posted 10/26/2013 16:46 PM

Unfortunately my library's ebook catalog is REALLY lacking. Much better than where I used to live, but they are still missing a lot. I almost bought them all on Kindle for the privacy alone, lol. But they're all $10-12 each and that's just not a smart decision for me right now. Blergh.

PurpleRose posted 10/26/2013 20:20 PM

I'd send WH to pick up the books for you.

RedRose posted 10/26/2013 21:17 PM

I work in a library. We are a small town, but so many books come through, we don't pay a lot of attention to who is getting what. Also, there are privacy laws, so we can't discuss what patrons check out with anyone else.

That being said, I would probably pick them up at a nearby library :)

Skye posted 10/27/2013 08:46 AM

Where I live, I am able to use libraries in nearby counties. Do you have that option? It might be worth a few minute drive to be anonymous.

Ascendant posted 10/27/2013 11:33 AM

Where I live, I am able to use libraries in nearby counties. Do you have that option? It might be worth a few minute drive to be anonymous.

That's what I'm saying. Most libraries nowadays have agreements in place that allow their users to go to another (nearby) library and check out books. I don't know if that differs in places where the library is operated by the city/town/village, but here in Illinois many of our library districts share computer catalog services.

embee posted 10/27/2013 11:41 AM

Yes, I would have had the option of going to another branch, but I already requested the one that's close to me as the pickup spot. At the time, it didn't occur to me, especially because I don't actually know where any of those other branches are, being so new to the area.

I guess I'm more worried about my feelings not being insane than the actual process of picking up the books. I am sure I will survive, it just feels weird. But I also feel like I shouldn't have to jump through hoops to cover up something HE did, which I guess is why I haven't cancelled the holds or changed them.

RedRose, that is really interesting about the confidentiality. I had NO idea there was any such thing! Not that I'm worried any one person in particular will "find out," just someone looking me in the face and wondering what happened...even going to a different branch wouldn't solve that, actually, now that I think of it.

Thanks for the sanity check, all. I'm having a lot of weird thoughts lately.

Crescita posted 10/28/2013 11:58 AM

If the librarians don't know you personally outside of the library, I don't think it would even register.

That being said, e-libraries are amazing. I'd go to the bigger library to get a card just so you can have access to a larger e-library.

sisoon posted 11/7/2013 17:50 PM

Can you just take the books off the shelf and read them at the library?

I bought all my infidelity books online, too. I never faced a bookseller or librarian.

mainlyinpain posted 11/8/2013 00:51 AM

I like Purple Rose's idea of having WH pick them up. Maybe throw in a few more really embarrassing books, heh heh.

And then have him go buy you tampons.

And then....

Sorry...I can understand your thoughts, I would be too uncomfortable to get them at the library. I even keep the books I have on my shelf turned around so the title doesn't face out in case some random person in my home would see them.

So know, you are not insane or else you are not the only one.