My mom has been diagnosed with cancer. She starts chemo on Monday. I've been cleaning up my spare room the past few weeks, wanting to put together a bedroom she can use as my house is closer to the hospital than hers, and if she can't make it home after a treatment, she will have a comfy place to lay down for a while. Room was a junk room, so cleaned it out, threw out a bunch of stuff, now, I need a bed. I wanted a double bed so my dad can lay down with her if he wants. Of course, I'm flat broke, so I'm trying to figure this out cheap.
I sent out an SOS to a group of sport officials that I'm part of, if anyone had a line on a double bed for me. XH is also part of this group. He's the one that contacts me with a couple he found in my down on Kijiji. One is only $60, older couple, was in their guest room, barely used. I would have preferred anyone other than him be the one to answer, but ok, I can suck it up that he's being nice.
He picks me up, we go look at it. (Bed shopping with my XH? Naaaa, that's not weird!) Decide to take it. I say I'll be back tomorrow with the cash, he pulls out his wallet and pays for it.
Now, I need to find a truck to get it. He takes off to go borrow from his best friend, whom I have not had any contact with since he left us. He allowed the skank into his house immediately, and it hurt me. I treated him as my "second husband" for years and years while he was single, and didn't have much of a life. He was family to me and the kids.
Not only does XH come back with the truck...his BF came with him, and they had already picked up the bed. No warning he was bringing him. The two of them and my son wrestle it into the house and up the stairs. BF comes into the kitchen and says Hi. I say hi back, but can't even look at him. I'm taking a deep breath, and figure, ok, I can talk to him for a min...and he's back out the door, into his car and gone! I felt so guilty...I didn't even say thank you for the help with the truck, and he does NOT live close by.
Awkward all around. Having XH help, pay, his BF here for the first time in years....just...awkward.
I know my XH is helping because he's hurt that I have more or less cut him out and not let him know what is up with my mom, while I supported him all through his dad losing a leg last year and almost passing away. I know he just wants to support me back...but dude, you aren't in my support circle anymore. His parents and I still talk. Never stopped. Any time we talk, they still consider me family, and tell me they love me. My xh has not spoken to my parents since he left except maybe a hi when it couldn't be avoided. My parents were PISSED when he took off on me and the kids. I know my mom would not want his "help".
I did thank XH, and will give him the cash back tomorrow. I'm thinking I should contact BF on FB or something, apologize for not thanking him properly, as I didn't realize he was heading right back out the door. He didn't have to help, but he did. I should, right?
Gah. The things you suck up when you need something for family.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009. EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
Ugh, I am trying to live generously and with love etc etc which make me think a simple thank you would be a good.
On the other hand, I had this cynical thought that the BF was there to support your ex in that situation more than to help specifically you. So, I'm not doing so well taking my own advice of living with love. So in a sense, I'm with newlysingle.
I think you probably know in your gut which way you want to go - do you?
That's where I'm at, too. Send a thank you, because that's the kind of person you are, dm.
Hugs, K
Ugh...but I'm sure it was awkward...glad it's done. And thoughts and prayers for a strong recovery for your mom.
DDay:2011 Status: D 2011
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. - J. K. Rowling
Couldn't help myself.
