From the sounds of it, I'm not sure it matters. You are hurting - and he isn't doing the work needed, so whatever hurt he's feeling is just more selfish wallowing. He's not in the same mindset as the WSs here. They are remorseful and want to help their BS. Your WS wants sympathy for cheating? In what world does that make sense???
You have an unremorseful WS - so, gently, very gently, - why are you staying with him, may I ask? It seems like he continues to hurt you, first with the A and now with his lack of caring over your feelings. If he is so careless with your feelings, both to have an A and now to not care that you're hurting, what is it that keeps him in your life?