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momof1girl posted 10/26/2013 09:35 AM

The ups and downs.. it's weary and it's lonely... It's breaking and it's exhausting. For every good day, I have a string of bad ones and it feels like punishment for having a good day.

ItsaClimb posted 10/26/2013 09:45 AM

I know just how you feel. I posted a while back here: You might want to read it.

I'm 14 months out and it's STILL a bit of a rollercoaster... But you do learn to cope with it a bit better as time goes by! Hang in there! {hugs}

starstone posted 10/26/2013 10:55 AM

I know exactly how you feel. I can be feeling pretty good for a few days, but I am just waiting for the crash. It hits and then I am down again HARD! I have a new strategy, though. Yesterday, while I was at work, I felt the crash coming. I called my WH right away and told him what was happening and that I needed some reassurance. It happens that he was on his way back from his IC appt. and had done some good work. The conversation was raw and tear-filled, but it ended well and amazingly I recovered from the crash quickly (this was the first time my recovery was so quick, usually takes days in the dumps). Letting him know right away what was happening and hearing his reassurance that he loves me and will continue to do the work necessary to heal himself as well as our M was helpful in stopping the quick downward spiral. I find if I let my mind go the wrong way for too long I can't get it out of the bad thoughts. I have to change my thinking quickly and focus on the healing and moving forward piece rather than the horrible night. I don't expect this nasty rollercoaster ride to end anytime soon, but developing strategies to help make it more manageable is working for me.

I feel for you so much because I know it absolutely sucks. I will say that while I am only 3 months from DD, it has gotten better each day.

Me, 43 (BS)
Him, 48 (WH) - ONS while I was on vacation
Married 16 years, together 21
Working very hard to R and feeling positive about it working, but realistic about the road ahead

momof1girl posted 10/26/2013 11:08 AM

But you do learn to cope with it a bit better as time goes by

The problem for me is that I still have hope even though OW isn't out of the picture yet. WH seems certain that she will be (she's lied so much at this point and claimed attempted suicide twice) and the hope flares in me, just to die again

UKgirl posted 10/26/2013 11:54 AM

Momof1, OW should be out of the picture already. There is no way of ďletting her down gentlyĒ or any of that crap. If your WH wants the marriage, OW has to be gone and the kindest thing for him to do is to do it now and make it very clear that it is OVER.

You say that OW has, apparently, attempted suicide. That is not an uncommon tactic to use. Very few (I canít think of any) go ahead with it. Whatís the point? Itís done for attention and if she was to succeed, she wouldnít be around to see the effect and, whatís more, her beloved would go back to his wife anyway! Itís a way of trying to keep him around and interested. Itís HER problem. She CHOSE to get involved with a married man. She puts up with the risks and she puts up with the consequences. Tough shit.

Iím sorry. I think your WH is spinning things out and lying to you. When are you seeing him face to face?

hummingbird8 posted 10/26/2013 16:51 PM

Mom I do not think that the OW is out of the picture or will be any time soon. She just moved in with him. You need to start protecting yourself. I know this isn't easy but I fear you will only end up more hurt.

momof1girl posted 10/26/2013 17:38 PM

Mom I do not think that the OW is out of the picture or will be any time soon. She just moved in with him.

She actually hasn't moved back in. He and I Skyped earlier today and there is ZERO sign of her stuff in the apartment (where before, she had rearranged stuff and had her stuff laid out). Plus, she's a neat freak, so the mess that was behind WH during Skype would have been gone. It was seriously at least two-three days worth of stuff. I don't know if she will be gone soon, but I hope so.
Any hope of seeing him face to face anytime soon is pretty much gone. He's paying my bills (and they are pretty big, especially the cell phone) and taking care of everything by himself. By everything I mean food, rent, bills... OW has her own job and he doesn't buy her anything.

UKgirl posted 10/26/2013 17:47 PM

Honey, trust but verify. You can't do that from afar.

I thought that he was moving in to her place? Where is he living now? where is she living? Who can you trust to verify that they are NOT together?

You need him to write a NC email and blind cc you. Don't be hoodwinked. Protect yourself. You can let your guard down later, but for now move swiftly. See a lawyer who can tell you where you stand in this US/Canadian situation. Get some money out to call your own. Make YOU your #1 priority.

When are you going to see him? And not "skype" see him. All sorts of things can be hidden when all you can see is through a screen.

Honey, be cautious. Take advice and heed it.

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