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Newest Member: sassylee (45766)

User Topic: Opinion needed....
befuzzled110
♀ 35787
Member # 35787
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, so it's been a really rough, emotional week here. I called WH out on behavior that was unacceptable. He was reading and answering ads on CL, he had been in high contact with OW2, whom he works with. With no explanation, no anything. He just figured if we didn't talk, all was well, and he was hiding his tracks well. I threw the book "How to Help your Spouse Heal from your Affair". Now- WH didn't know about the book. I hadn't had the courage to give it to him. In my screwed up head, I thought he would have just thrown it back at me- and luck had it - I threw it at him instead. I told him I was done, I was done working on the marriage on my end while he was still selfish, and lying and pretending. I told him I ready to leave. The next night he had therapy, and he came home with a "plan". To always share with me when he was feeling weak, and so on. Then he started to read the book I had thrown at him. Now, I don't know if he truly "gets it", or what, but he handed me his phone yesterday after I got home from work. He made me dinner, even though everyone else had eaten. He sat me down and said he was so sorry. He had never understood how deeply he had damaged me. That he had been reading the book, and he now understood the "sluething" I had been doing over the years, and he said he would never make me work so hard to protect myself again... I don't know...I want to believe him, but after all these years, I am wondering if he's just saying the "right" words, just to go even further underground...Basically, it's too early to really see if there's anything TOTALLY honest at this attempt. But at the same time I am intrigued. I don't know. I guess the best step for me would be to step back, and let him continue reading and learning, while I continue to get my "ducks in a row" right?


Me: 37 and awesome
Him: 42 and not so awesome
OW1: 47 and desperate OW2: 34, freshly divorced, was once my friend OW3: is OW1 who took in WH during seperation.

Posts: 201 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Michigan
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like some good behaviors might just be clicking into place. You don't have to put all your eggs in the hope basket just yet, but I would advise that you hand him the next book you want him to read, and thank him when he hands you his phone.

Positive reinforcement works wonders on a WS who is really trying. I know we don't have a ton of heart and energy to give, but if you feel that hope in your chest it's ok to make small gestures back without feeling totally vulnerable.


"If the path you walk leads back to yourself, you'll never get anywhere." - Master Oogway

Posts: 18371 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
befuzzled110
♀ 35787
Member # 35787
Default  Posted: 5:48 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

False alarm.. It lasted just that day. He was in contact with OW2 (work, supposedly), never offered the phone. Never brought it up. Slept horrible last night. I should stop getting my hopes up that he "gets it". He never will.


Me: 37 and awesome
Him: 42 and not so awesome
OW1: 47 and desperate OW2: 34, freshly divorced, was once my friend OW3: is OW1 who took in WH during seperation.

Posts: 201 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Michigan
jjct
♂ 17484
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. Ducks in a row.

Comes a point, when it's no longer waiting for them to get it -

We get it.


Posts: 6773 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Topic Posts: 4

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