I can relate so well to this situation.
Several years ago I did something similar. I posted about it a while back and now I cannot find it, I would have liked to have shared it with you.
I hid a financial problem from h. I had to really dig into myself to find my real reasons for doing this. What I learned about myself.
I was protecting myself for a few reasons.
1. I feared his anger.
2. I thought I had to be perfect, not make any mistakes to be loved.
3. I came to the realization that what I did hurt him. By not telling him in the very beginning, it just grew.
4. If I had been open and honest in the beginning there was the possibility we could have solved it together.
5. By hiding it, I caused it to become my fault, not the debt but the lying, and hiding and trying to handle it on my own.
6. I allowed my fear to decide the best way to handle this problem and that only made it so much worse.
7.The original problem was not my creation but my handling of it turned out to be the true problem.
8. If I am honest and open about a problem with h it is then his choice how to respond. If he gets angry and yells or walks away, that is on him not me. I cannot control him, only myself.
9. I was trying to control my world.
Now, if I feel fear, I stop and consciously work to understand what I am really fearing and I am very conscious of just being honest and knowing that no matter how h reacts, at least it is real. I can feel good about my actions.
I have no idea if this helps at all, just wanted you to know that you are not the only one that does this.
It seems to just be a matter of recognizing our patterns and what we are really trying to accomplish by our actions. Then has that worked? If not why? Is that the action that is going to sit comfortably inside me. I know during that time I was keeping this hidden it tortured me every day.
Now when I feel fear and I do, I do not allow it to be in control of my choices.