We've been together for 8 years, married 5 of them. I have a DD that is 7 and a baby due any day now. My husband has a long history of alcoholism and we have separated several times now due to infidelity, alcohol, or violence. Last year was our last separation, when he threw me into a wall. He was arrested for domestic battery and pleaded guilty. I foolishly took him back a few months later after various promises of therapy, alcohol rehab, etc.
I got pregnant after we reconciled and I was very optimistic that things would work out and we would finally be a stable loving family. He recently took a job working out of state in the oil field. Needless to say, he has been acting shady lately, only wanting to pay cash for hotels/food, wanting to get a prepaid card, avoiding my calls, ignoring me when he actually does come home, etc.
I looked into his phone last night and noticed his history had been recently wiped, which is a red flag. I went into his email and did some searching and found emails for dating websites in his trash can. I thought maybe it was spam, until I went on and checked.
Sure as hell, he made a profile. He is listed as married, but he wants something discreet. Freaking cake eater!!!!! So I am done. He doesn't know that I know about it, I am hoping if I play this smart I can get the upper hand.
I don't have proof that he has committed adultery, but I know he is trying... Any advice at this point?
I would keep what I know close and not say a thing. Collect all the evidence you can. See an atty, get some therapy and start making yourself strong.
You need to be strong enough emotionally to take care of you and the kids.
Eat well, rest and come here when you need strength.
I am sorry.
Sometimes, the reality, hard reality, will shake them up enough they fly straight. If he doesn't, there's your answer.
You need to protect you, and your kids right now. Do whatever you can to do that.
I'm so sorry, I know this is so hard.
Always, tell the other BS! Always!
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!
I just don't get it. Whenever I leave him, he fights tooth and nail to get me back and once he's comfortable again, he has to mess everything up again.
If he didn't want me, he should have just let me go. I think the only reason he stays with me is because he doesn't want to pay child support/alimony.
But in the past you've taken him back for the cheating and other things so you've taught him that it's OK for him to treat you like this.
So for him...he apologizes, makes nice until the storm passes and then goes back to normal.
Is this what you want to live for the rest of your life?
Are you working and do you have health insurance? If yes...then why stay? If no, then the option is to stay until the baby is born and then divorce him.
Sorry Goose...but I don't see him changing anything. He doesn't have to.
. I am heartbroken, but I feel like I'm wasting my youth by repeatedly taking him back.
You are, and you are teaching your kids all about dysfunctional relationships.
Have you ever heard about the abuse cycle? I think you might find it helpful to read about.
What are your plans to help you heal and become strong emotionally? Living with an abusive alcoholic does a number on everyone in the family.
Keep posting as we are all here for you.
What makes this situation difficult is that we just bought a small home and he comes home on the weekend to help my father remodel it. It still has a few weeks to go before it's finished.
After everything that's happened, I agree that subjecting our children to this relationship is unhealthy and I want to walk away. I don't know how I'm going to be able to afford a lawyer either.
I'm so glad you found us, because we can help you get to the healthiest place for yourself and your kids. Take a deep breath, and know that you don't have to just rip the bandaid off. Taking small steps toward the place you want to be will get you there.
Read our Healing Library, and take care of yourself right now. You don't have to be stuck there forever.
Sending hugs and strength.