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Newest Member: RoreverBlue (61146)

User Topic: I'm pregnant and he's looking for an affair
♀ 41122
Member # 41122
Angry  Posted: 6:54 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I'm new to these forums but I've been lurking for a little while because I've suspected my husband of cheating.

We've been together for 8 years, married 5 of them. I have a DD that is 7 and a baby due any day now. My husband has a long history of alcoholism and we have separated several times now due to infidelity, alcohol, or violence. Last year was our last separation, when he threw me into a wall. He was arrested for domestic battery and pleaded guilty. I foolishly took him back a few months later after various promises of therapy, alcohol rehab, etc.

I got pregnant after we reconciled and I was very optimistic that things would work out and we would finally be a stable loving family. He recently took a job working out of state in the oil field. Needless to say, he has been acting shady lately, only wanting to pay cash for hotels/food, wanting to get a prepaid card, avoiding my calls, ignoring me when he actually does come home, etc.

I looked into his phone last night and noticed his history had been recently wiped, which is a red flag. I went into his email and did some searching and found emails for dating websites in his trash can. I thought maybe it was spam, until I went on and checked.

Sure as hell, he made a profile. He is listed as married, but he wants something discreet. Freaking cake eater!!!!! So I am done. He doesn't know that I know about it, I am hoping if I play this smart I can get the upper hand.

I don't have proof that he has committed adultery, but I know he is trying... Any advice at this point?

Posts: 11 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ 39801
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry you find yourself here. It looks like you have a long history of issues and I am sorry for that too.
Others will be along very soon to help you.
My advice is stay strong and know that things will get better.

I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry.

I would keep what I know close and not say a thing. Collect all the evidence you can. See an atty, get some therapy and start making yourself strong.

You need to be strong enough emotionally to take care of you and the kids.

Eat well, rest and come here when you need strength.

I am sorry.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 4012 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
♀ 30631
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Open a checking account ASAP. Fund it with as much as you can. Then kick him to the curb.
See an attorney to find out what rights you have. You do not need to file yet.

Sometimes, the reality, hard reality, will shake them up enough they fly straight. If he doesn't, there's your answer.
You need to protect you, and your kids right now. Do whatever you can to do that.
I'm so sorry, I know this is so hard.

In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!

Posts: 917 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
♀ 41122
Member # 41122
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know for certain I do not want to reconcile. I am heartbroken, but I feel like I'm wasting my youth by repeatedly taking him back.

I just don't get it. Whenever I leave him, he fights tooth and nail to get me back and once he's comfortable again, he has to mess everything up again.

If he didn't want me, he should have just let me go. I think the only reason he stays with me is because he doesn't want to pay child support/alimony.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ 11176
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


But in the past you've taken him back for the cheating and other things so you've taught him that it's OK for him to treat you like this.

So for him...he apologizes, makes nice until the storm passes and then goes back to normal.

Is this what you want to live for the rest of your life?

Are you working and do you have health insurance? If yes...then why stay? If no, then the option is to stay until the baby is born and then divorce him.

Sorry Goose...but I don't see him changing anything. He doesn't have to.


BS: 58
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 7511 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

. I am heartbroken, but I feel like I'm wasting my youth by repeatedly taking him back.

You are, and you are teaching your kids all about dysfunctional relationships.

Have you ever heard about the abuse cycle? I think you might find it helpful to read about.

What are your plans to help you heal and become strong emotionally? Living with an abusive alcoholic does a number on everyone in the family.

Keep posting as we are all here for you.

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Posts: 4571 | Registered: Jan 2010
♀ 41122
Member # 41122
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not working. We had agreed that since he is working away from home that I should be home with the girls. Husband has always been the main provider. I took a job as a waitress when DD7 started school, but I quit two months ago when I started having pregnancy complications.

What makes this situation difficult is that we just bought a small home and he comes home on the weekend to help my father remodel it. It still has a few weeks to go before it's finished.

After everything that's happened, I agree that subjecting our children to this relationship is unhealthy and I want to walk away. I don't know how I'm going to be able to afford a lawyer either.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to SI, Goosee1.

I'm so glad you found us, because we can help you get to the healthiest place for yourself and your kids. Take a deep breath, and know that you don't have to just rip the bandaid off. Taking small steps toward the place you want to be will get you there.

Read our Healing Library, and take care of yourself right now. You don't have to be stuck there forever.

Sending hugs and strength.

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 9

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