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Just hit me that the holidays are going to be really hard. We are currently separated and don't know how things are going to work out.

We are together as a family unit a lot and get along well as co-parents. But now that its time to start making plans for who is doing what for the holidays, I am especially sad about the changes in our family.

The kids and I are traveling for the holidays, H is invited but he feels that it would be too awkward to be around my family for a few days. I don't blame him, I understand. I wouldn't want him to feel uncomfortable.

But this is the first holiday we have been 3 instead of 4. And as Christmas approaches I am sure there will be a lot of family events on both sides that one of us will miss.

I would like to bite the bullet and be together for the kids (and our sanity)-forget the grown-ups who don't understand our unique amicable separation. We should write our own rules, and show them how our family is going to look. Not let awkward moments on their part dictate our choices.

But this is new and scary territory for all of us.

Advice on how to make this time of year easier?

I don't know your story... Are you separated and thinking of reconciliation? Or S and on the road to divorce?

We are unsure at this point. We both really want to repair the relationship but it was extremely unfulfilling for both of us pre A. My EA was a wake up call for everyone.

We get along, but doing a lot of personal emotional work that should have been done a long time ago. Trying to examine what we each did to lead to bad dynamic between us. We also wonder if we are too different in what are needs are to be happy together. Example: I am extreme extrovert and he is extreme introvert. I want an active connection, but it seems draining for him. I don't want to take from him, but also don't want to live without the interaction that I need.

So we don't know what direction that this will go right now.