Me BS, 41
This has always been an issue for fwh. It was obvious when we met. He didn't want to have sex with me because he liked me too much. He didn't like blow jobs because nice girls didn't do that. FFS I should have realised this wouldn't end well but I was young and in love. Now I'm old and still in love. The bastard
Our sex life was pretty good if not that adventurous in the early days but it took a hit with the arrival of children. Which I thought was normal with tiredness, breast feeding etc. But which was really him putting me on the Madonna pedestal. There were relationship issues when they first two were young which also had an impact and then he had his breakdown 7 years ago. When he got out of hospital after the bipolar diagnosis and he was a lot better there was a period of HB which then fizzled out. I can't remember how or when. We limped on. His denial and my knowledge of his illness and his ongoing symptoms and resentment and lack of engagement in life had a big impact on all aspects of our relationship. I know to the minute when our little one was conceived because that month like many others sex was so infrequent. Then I had a rubbish pregnancy and vomited the whole way through. This meant I had been on all sorts of drugs and I felt guilty so I wanted to breast feed for at least 2 years and dd was in our bed. I wasn't that bothered about sex for a while and by the time my libido came back he was fucking OW. Who didn't want him having sex with me and so he rejected my advances because he didn't want to be unfaithful to his fucking girlfriend.
I'm sure I gave messages to him that were bad for his pathetic self esteem and while breast feeding my breasts were in pain a lot of the time but he still doesn't get that I never wanted to be the Madonna. Not do I now want to be a whore. I just want to be me
Sex is in some ways the only thing that makes me feel better but last night wasn't great. Triggers and evidence of his issues and he said he still thought I wanted the Madonna role at some point
This shit hurts
We need MC and sex therapy but is this ever survivable? No hope apparent for me today
[This message edited by Marathonwaseasy at 1:32 AM, October 27th (Sunday)]
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...
"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."