I think MC would agree to meet and mediate. I really do not want to hear about the A from her. I just want somebody to tell her to stay away and get on with her life away from us. Before the A she did not even come into our community because she considered it snobby and elitist. Now, she is everywhere.
We have the house up for sale, but why should I move from friends and family? My family has lived here since 1965.
My husband changed careers and works out of another city to lessen the chance of running into her. Yet, she has escalated her involvement in our area to the point I feel suffocated by her.
I hate my life. Having a really bad day.
[This message edited by Lovedyoumore at 2:28 PM, October 27th (Sunday)]
Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose
She doesn't care about you or your R, your marriage.
Inviting her into your MC would allow her insight into your world and your pain. If she is manipulating her way into your social circle she will more than likely get off on this.
IMO all you can do is keep going to your events, functions, places she is trying to invade.
I know it's hard, but don't allow her to take anything more from you. Do NOT sit home and let her win this. You deserve your friends, you deserve your places for fun and socializing.
Don't let her push you out of your own life. She will eventually get tired the antics not bothering you and go away.
Get your back-up ready, rehearse with your H how you will combat these events together.
Hold your head up, get the big girl panties on and show her you will not be bullied into leaving your own life.
If she approaches you or your H or your family, I imagine a restraining order would help a lot, but what you describe sounds legal.
Have you outed the A? That might make people shy away from her, but it's not foolproof.
It sounds like she's not ashamed of what she's done, so I don't see how mediation would work.
Other than IC/MC, we told one other person. The next week I saw a picture on her FB page of her inside OW house. That was a huge betrayal. I knew OW had been around her, but I asked her if they were friends and if she had been to OW house and she said no. This was a trusted friend. I think this episode has triggered my fears as much as the A.
My H would support me in her presence and we have rehearsed what to do when together. The trouble is when I see her by myself.
Whether or not she would feel power from a third party meeting, I am not sure. The IC was very strongly in my corner concerning the A. Think Shirley Glass in male form. I guess I just hope he would give her a chewing that I cannot due to our NC. I need someone other than us to call her out and tell her what she is doing is wrong on many levels. God, that sounds pathetic.
It sucks, but it can be done. Loving yourself is the first step. I wish you the best.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
That was a huge betrayal. I knew OW had been around her, but I asked her if they were friends and if she had been to OW house and she said no. This was a trusted friend. I think this episode has triggered my fears as much as the A.
You may need to revaluate your friends.
We actually don't have the same friends anymore. We found a new circle and it was huge for us. My great grandparents built my house in the 30's. I wanted to move too...screw that. Take back your life.
When you see her alone you act as though she is nothing, you walk by and don't engage. YOU did nothing wrong here, don't hide.
FYI. I have not spoken to "friend" since I saw the picture and she has not called to see why. That's all I need to know about that.
It has gotten to the point that stay home from things I used to enjoy. I know I should not but it has almost become a way of life.
I can get in the car, go nearly to the end of the street and I physically get ill. My heart pounds, my stomach turns, my IBS kicks in and I feel light headed. I have to race home. Not a pretty sight or feeling. I have anxiety meds I can take but I hate that.
So, any of you that come in contact with the OW on a regular basis have positive techniques or positive stories to deal with it? With or without your H present?
I did work with an IC though to learn steps to help me when I became anxious or angry about the OW. The thoughts were disrupting my ability to focus and live my life. The IC I met with used EFT but I have also seen others talk about EMDR being helpful to them. Don't know if you've looked into any of these but it might help give you some effective tools so you can drive anywhere you want anytime without the symptoms you are experiencing.
This is your town, your community and your life.....the OW is nobody...she is nothing but a hole...and I mean that figuratively and literally.....
I still see OW #1 at some stuff in town. Her children are the same age as mine. It was one of her ways of getting into my life. I saw her this last Saturday at my 8 year old son's football game. After seeing him play I know it won't be very long before the boy quits. I did get some pleasure knowing her new H was not with her. She was pretty much all alone.
I use to dread going to town just in case I would see her. I once ran into her in the bathroom. It took everything I had not to punch her right in the face. Now I don't care. I have seen how the years have treated her. She is pathetic as always. No real friends because they all don't trust her. The anxiety gets less as time goes by.
My biggest helper was having a community that supported me. She was told not to attend our church. She would show up there when my H wanted nothing to do with her. Mutual friends know what happened and are warned about her.Seek out support if you can from close friends who will be your advocate when dealing with her.
[This message edited by Hearthache again at 10:51 PM, October 27th (Sunday)]
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 1:18 AM, October 28th (Monday)]
So, any of you that come in contact with the OW on a regular basis have positive techniques or positive stories to deal with it?
What if you outed her to all these people she's trying to hob nob with??