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iAmAMess0809 posted 10/27/2013 15:42 PM

My BW just told me I should leave for awhile.

An hour ago, I was sitting on the couch with her giving her a neck rub. And now I am in the basement of a department store with nowhere to go until she is ready for me to come back.

She started reading through old texts, and saw one where she told me she loved me more than anything else, and this was just before I met up with the OW for the second time.

We were doing as well as can be expected, but I am finding myself pretty distraught right now. She won't aswer my texts or anything.

Unagie posted 10/27/2013 16:12 PM

Leave her alone. Plan to find a hotel room or a friends house to stay in if necessary. Wherever you go take pictures and have receipts, even video to show her where you were and what you were doing. Stop texting her, let her know she can contact you at anytime and you are there for her but if she asked you to leave it means she needs space and time alone, give her what she needs. Right now at this moment this is not about you.

iAmAMess0809 posted 10/27/2013 16:31 PM

Ok, I sent one last text saying I will leave her alone and to contact me when ready.

This is new territory for me. I just don't know how to handle this. She has never ignored my texts for this long, or calls. She is not one to not talk, even if it means yelling at me.

I feel like some switch flipped and she is slipping away from me. I just want to go home to her and my kids. I am such a horrible person for having put someone I love so much throught this.

Sparkle0504 posted 10/27/2013 16:45 PM

If you're on FB on your phone, use the check-in thing fairly regularly - you can change the privacy settings so that only she can see them (at least your friends wont think you've turned into a check-in fruitloop lol). On the few occasions my SAWH has been kind enough to humour me, this has helped reassure me.

Meanwhile, yes, give her space. I know exactly where she's coming from on this, been there, but you seem to be grasping this, which is good to see:) I really wish you well.

Card posted 10/27/2013 16:47 PM

If your wife has not contacted you within a reasonable time period, maybe by 8pm, go home.

I don't agree with getting hotel rooms! It's your home and you need to be there.

Recovery isn't for the faint of heart. It's tough and it hurts at times.

When my wife triggered, I did what she needed, but once we agreed to recover our marriage, I never agreed to stay somewhere else, and never would have.

Eye's forward!

Unagie posted 10/27/2013 18:03 PM

Card while I agree that its hard and difficult I know that one of the things that helped us the most during R was when he asked me to leave for awhile I did. It helped him clear his head. Each couple is different though only you will know if going home is the best choice iamamess.

iAmAMess0809 posted 10/27/2013 18:27 PM

She let me come home about an hour ago. She has barely said a word to me though. I made dinner, but she hasn't joined me or the kids for it. She just left to go to her parents for awhile.

It is hard to remain an optimist right now. I am trying not to let this downward slip on this roller coaster send my own emotions spiraling out of control, but it is hard. I just want to crawl into a hole and die right now.

I hope she wants to talk later.

Jrazz posted 10/27/2013 18:31 PM

What happened was that she triggered, and the shrapnel in her soul started to twist and burn again.

Be her rock. Be there for her even if you're at a mall 10 miles away. Don't give up on her just because she's confused and hurting.

Tell her you will be here for her NO MATTER WHAT. And mean it. Live it.

This will help her, even if she doesn't start handing out cookies right away.

iAmAMess0809 posted 10/27/2013 21:17 PM

So she has come back home, but she has just shut herself in our bedroom.

I wentup andasked if she wanted to talk, and she said no. I slipped a card under the door that I got her earlier.

This is not an ordinary trigger for her. She normally gets sad and asks more questions. I suspect that I am sleeping on the couch tonight, which is the first time since dday.

I wish that I could do something to help her through this trigger, but she is comp, etely shutting me out.

nicjean83 posted 10/27/2013 22:55 PM

It's shocking as My latest posts says, how fast things change in our situation. How long ago was you DDay? Today My BS and I decided to seperate. yet 2 days ago i thought we were doing ok. I am sitting in a starbucks. with nowhere to go as he has not left yet he wont until tomorrow. I just don't want to be in our house.