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Why would anyone want to give this up?

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courageous posted 10/27/2013 19:24 PM

My SO met my kids this weekend after many weeks of Skype. Things went extremely well. My dd3 hung on him the entire weekend and wanted him to read her books and put her to bed at night. She doesn't remember what life was like before me being divorced because she was just 5 months old when exwh started his A.

Ds7 took to him also. Wanting to show him all his toys and said that SO was his best adult friend (ha ha OW isn't #1) the weekend consisted mostly if SO and the kids while I was a supporting role.

When I dropped off SO at the airport DS went with me. By the time we got home he was crying. He was very sad that SO had to leave and he wanted to see SO again soon. DS was 3 1/5 when his dad started cheating but exwh has never played a big involvement in the kids lives. This is also obvious that he is still like this because the kids seem so starved for attention and affection.

After SO met the kids he asked the question... Why would anyone want to give this (the kids) up? Why not try to have a relationship with them? All I can say is I don't know. I hurt for my kids and how they NEED their father to care about them.

Last year when I went up to have dinner with the kids during their month long visitation with their dad, my DS asked my brother if he could be DS's father. It broke my brother's heart.

risingfromashes posted 10/27/2013 21:11 PM

Because he is an idiot! Just pity the ex for what he has lost.

courageous posted 10/28/2013 14:57 PM

The sad thing is exwh payed even less attention to the kids when we were married. He felt that the kids only needed one involved parent and since that was me he preferred video games and sleeping to playing with the kids.

Crescita posted 10/28/2013 15:28 PM

I generally assume chemical dependency or mental illness when parents go poof. It's something beyond selfish or lazy which is why it's so difficult to comprehend.

nowiknow23 posted 10/28/2013 16:10 PM

((((courageous kids)))) There's no explanation that can justify it, honey. Thank heavens they have you for a Mama.

courageous posted 10/28/2013 20:29 PM

Thank heavens they have you for a Mama.

Thanks I really feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, trying to not only be a good mom but make up for ALL the deficiencies in exwh. The sad thing is OW is still in the picture. She doesn't have any kids but wants them. She has no idea how to be a good parent. She obviously has no morals,lies a lot (even in court.. I subpoenaed her), and continues to.... Well.... Breath. I'm grateful that she is nice to the kids but exwh needs to be the one involved with them when they are there for HIS visitation.

The sad thing is exwh has been traumatized by the abuse from his father during childhood. He promised he would never do that to his own children. Yet here we are and he emotionally abuses them. It breaks my heart to see how exwh treats the kids. He ignored dd during FaceTime until she was about 2. She would sit watching and hearing exwh talk to DS. She would call for dada and he wouldn't say anything to her AT.ALL. Now his conversations with her consist of "you're such a pretty girl" I found out during false R that he shook DS as a baby. No one lays a hand on MY babies!

I'm so glad SO has been willing to fill the void. He never wants to replace their dad just be a supporting role. Tonight dd didn't want to talk to her dad but she wanted to talk to SO.

I can't say enough how grateful I am to find such a wonderful man who loves me and my children. He treats them so well. It broke his heart to hear my DS cried for him when he left. He doesn't do things for the kids so that people can pat him on the pack... He does it because he genuinely cares for them. He spent 1.5 hours talking to DS when he was frightened about having to get a cavity fixed. He drops everything when my kids want to talk to him. I am truly blessed. I hope SO is able to show them what a true man is suppose to act like.

[This message edited by courageous at 9:46 PM, October 28th (Monday)]

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