Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Tigress5455 (45753)

User Topic: Can you believe the WS that ap really meant nothing to them
sad34
♀ 40358
Member # 40358
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wh has said the same things for so many months and doesn't waiver. That even though his affair was 4 years his ow meant nothing to him. I don't understand how u can text someone all the time, email and have sex with someone for that long and not develop feelings.
He did throw her under the bus on dday but it just seems far fetched to me.
Anyone out there truly believe their WS when they say that?


Bs: me 32 WH: 36
Dday: July 2012
LTA: 4years (ea, pa)
Dd-4. Ds-2
My life is shattered unsure about R

Posts: 140 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: canada
headdesk
♀ 40787
Member # 40787
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For mine it was more the EA he was into. The praise and flattery to fill that hole inside of him that he hasn't learned to fill on his own yet.

But yeah, I'd say that was BS. Either that or you have a scarily manipulative man who will do whatever it takes to get a girls panties off...which is worse.


Me: 39
WH: 42
DDay:Sep 19 2013 (only TT of EA)
Oct 4th 2013 revealed PA through snooping.
Marred 16 years, together for 20. Looking to R at this time. We have awesome kids (12/14).

Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2013
RightTrack
♀ 36976
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH says the same of his two year affair. It meant nothing/ he was never in love. I can't really comprehend that but part of that is probably due to the different way women want to have meaning and emotion in sexual relationships.

Posts: 643 | Registered: Sep 2012
Goosee1
♀ 41122
Member # 41122
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't believe my WH after the first DDay (years ago), he tried to protect her until the very end.

He stayed with her for two weeks, wouldn't come home to see DD or take care of bills. It wasn't until I told him I was filing for divorce that he threw her under the bus and told me that she didn't mean anything, she manipulated him, etc.

Bullshit.


Posts: 11 | Registered: Oct 2013
HardenMyHeart
♂ 15902
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That even though his affair was 4 years his ow meant nothing to him.

The three biggest lies are:
1. The checks in the mail
2. You may already be a winner
3. They meant nothing to me

Why is it when a WS finally falls out of the stupid tree they have to hit every branch on the way down?

Somebody does not have an LTA without having strong feelings for the AP. So sorry that after everything you have had to deal with your WS is now making you wade through crap.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5718 | Registered: Aug 2007
Gemini71
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually believe my STBX when he says 'she/they meant nothing to me.'

What I don't understand is how that's supposed to make me feel better. He betrayed me in the worst way possible for someone he doesn't even care about???!!!

Since the main OW was by BFF, she also betrayed me for something she could get from a good vibrator.

It just pisses me off more.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1979 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
HardenMyHeart
♂ 15902
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 12:43 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Gemini71))) Your story sounds so painful. I can't begin to fathom the pain of a double betrayal like that.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5718 | Registered: Aug 2007
Marathonwaseasy
♀ 40674
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When the fog lifts they can start to see the ap in a different light for sure. But at the time of A, yes they meant something.
Sucks doesn't it?


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
Ostrich80
34827
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:49 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ws said the same thing and they had been carrying on for about 3 yrs. I believed him but like you, didn't see how it was possible since he had been involved with her for so long.
Mine lied, he went underground. I just don't see how you can so flipantly risk your m and family for someone you don't give 2 shits about. I don't think its impossible but extremely rare.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5242 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Scubachick
♀ 39906
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 3:00 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I struggle with this more than anything else. My husband had an EA and denies having any feelings for her. He doesn't waiver either. We fight about it day after day. I don't believe It. I'm not sure I will ever.

Posts: 793 | Registered: Jul 2013
Whatdoido333
♀ 36597
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 3:15 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH says thy are just friends and then he said business associates...that's it. But, why would he be looking to buy a house with a business associate? Or tell a business associate that if she spent the weekend with her boyfriend, tat would be the end for WH...liars...all of them

Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2012
forlornheart
♀ 40726
Member # 40726
Default  Posted: 3:25 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In some instances I can believe that the AP could mean nothing. ONS and very short A. LTA.....no don't believe it at all. In my case it has been relatively short term but when divorce is looming, the DD's are begging him to please just don't visit her anymore. If she's just a friend then our feelings should matter, right?

He'd then swear it was her children he couldn't possibly leave, they needed him. He broke our youngest heart the worse, she was always daddy's girl. Now her feelings mean less to him that the OW he just likes as a friend. And her children??

Sorry don't believe that line of BS. He's a selfish bastard and when she kicks him out on his ear (he's living there now) his going to have no one to turn to but his mother.

He told his kids they don't love him the right way?!? WTF is that?

I'm sorry Sad....4 years and no feelings? I just can't believe it.

Hugs!
Deb


Me: 48- BW
Him: 45-WH-chronic cheater, PA and EA
Current Her: Mid to late 30's fatassed, no necked, troglodyte
D Day: August 23, 2013
Separated: August 23, 2013


Posts: 52 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Michigan
mchercheur
♀ 37735
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He betrayed me in the worst way possible for someone he doesn't even care about???!!!

I don't understand this either.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 6:24 AM, October 28th (Monday)]


Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1458 | Registered: Dec 2012
Kelany
♀ 34755
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I can believe it, even in a LTA.

My husband is SA, he had multiple affairs, one was a LTA of almost 2 1/2 years. She meant nothing to him. She was easy, convenient, he used her. She never turned him down. He "cheated" on her with a former AP even.

When their A ended, within 3 months he was on to someone else. she truly meant nothing, he did not mourn the loss of the relationship at all.

Now...she loved him...wanted his baby, had adifficult time giving him up. But him? Not at all.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Skye
325
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely. Obviously, after 35 years I meant nothing to him, so I expect she meant nothing, too. He had an affair for himself. Who she was wasn't part of it.

Posts: 5632 | Registered: Jul 2002
Holly-Isis
♀ 13447
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MrH told me about 1A, merely to control the info before xOw1 outed them. He spun it as an EA. Told me he was in love with her. Kept contacting her, sharing their discussions with me. Acted like he was soooooo conflicted as to who to pick. Yes, I should've left then. I'm pathetic.

Now that the PA has been outed, he calls her a "f*ck toy". Claims that was his attitude towards her and the lurv thing was to throw me off.

Which do I believe. I believe the truth is somewhere in the middle. I believe that for most people, sex creates a bond. Especially repeated sex. I know him, he attached or convinced himself he attached. Otherwise, the moment she told him she was going to tell me in the most hurtful way she could, he would have cut ties.

The 2A was 6mos from the first time they talked until he sent the NC letter. That time included the build up to an EA, the PA, a supposed pregnancy and subsequent abortion, dday, taking the A underground and MrH leaving for Iraq. They talked M, though she claimed in an email to me it was all his dream, not hers. Even in the relatively short time from beginning to end, I do not believe she meant nothing.

People do not risk the lives they built for someone who means nothing.

People don't see the person they later claim to love with all their hearts in shattered pieces then grind their heels into those pieces for the sake of a person who was nothing.

We tell ourselves that for comfort, but really...even if it was temporary and ultimately superficial...it wasn't nothing.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11282 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Strugglestreet
♀ 40301
Member # 40301
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH also says OW meant nothing to him. He said it was the attention he got from her (the ego boost) that he enjoyed. Apparently she was a dud root as well, so why go back 5 times??!!

I don't know what to believe, all I know is that he threw her under the bus on dday, and avoids every meeting she will be in at work and hates her with a vengeance!!


BW (me) 34
WH (him) 36
Together 13yrs
Married 8years
4 Beautiful children
DD - 6th May 2013
Status - Trying to R, but fuck it's hard!

Posts: 36 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Australia
heforgotme
♀ 38391
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't believe it. In the early weeks after Dday I did, but I think it was just a self preservation kind of thing. Looking at the facts, I just don't see how it is possible.

They talked for 2-4 hours a day. He lied to me and neglected his children. He accepted gifts from her and let her pay for everything.

These are not things you do for/with someone who means nothing. In his case, I don't think he thought he was in love, but there was definitely some sort of affection imo.

He doesn't really lie much anymore and has been painfully honest about the details surrounding this. So, the only thing I can figure is that he sees now how ridiculous and fake it was and since he knows it wasn't real, counts that as not caring. Bc he knows now it was a farce.

In any case, it definitely means nothing to him now except in an extremely negative way, so that is what I try to focus on.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1085 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
TrustGone
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. I think that the affair partner has to mean something for them to be willing to give up their families and home. My WH said she meant nothing to him but she was a friend. They had a 3yr affair and he even gave her an engagement ring (he called it a frienship ring to me ). She outed him after he wouldn't leave me after two years and then they took it underground for another year until she outed him again. I said I was done and he threw her under the bus or he got even better at hiding it. Not sure which, but if he does see her now it has to be during work and I look at his paychecks. I don't know if I would have handled it better to know he was in love with her. I think maybe I could have understood it better if he had. Now I don't really believe that he loves me either. I think the only one he really LOVES is himself.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
sodamnlost
♀ 37190
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same story here sadly. My gut knew better but I TRIED to believe he didn't have feelings like he claimed. It took 13 months for my WH to admit the one sided "lurv" he had for his AP. It's fake, unicorn farting rainbows bullshit "love" but at the time for him - yeah it was real.

Your gut KNOWS. Trust it.

((((Hugs))))


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Topic Posts: 46
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.