So here's my question- is anyone else's house just a mess? I am usually a spot on house keeper- working full time with two kids makes having a cleaning schedule absolutely necessary. But we have been spending SO much time on US and on R ( which is amazing, really). But this Sunday we both realized that NONE of our stuff at the house was getting done.
I haven't been motivated to do anything. The heavy wieght in my heart made it so difficult, and the house and hours of taking and crying and ... Yes... HB :) has meant that the lawn hasn't been mowed in weeks, no one has cholera or anything but my laundry pile is now nicknamed "Jabba the Laundry" and I forgot how the vacuum works.
For so long I just didn't care- I made sure the kids were cared for and clean, but it seemed pointless to do more. I busted my butt for 15 years keeping a nice home, and that didn't stop the A.
We kicked it into gear together yesterday and everything is sparkly shiny again in the house. I feel calmer and like everything is in its place. Most importantly, I felt motivated to clean up, with him beside me, because now I have a reason. I have a strong family and we are moving forward.
I know there will be more dips and turns and tough places, we are still so new. But I slowly feel like we are claiming our lives back. No Monday blues today. :)
Anyone else go through something similar?
I thought I had stopped pretending. I was wrong.
Me- BS 41
Him- WS 38 and STBX
2 DS- 15 and 16
DDay 1- 07-24-2013
DDay 2: EA w/CoW, 06-15-2017
"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."
1 year ago I was cleaning 3 bathrooms everyday...now its like once a week...our laundry is insane...our house is a mess in every room in every place. I tried to make a dent in it since the kids started back to school but have only gotten a small dent in it.
maybe today I will get somewhere.
(And similarly, being a great cook didn't keep my husband from straying. Seems the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach.)
Fortunately fwh has stepped up and is doing a lot more than before.
Marathon, how did you get him to do this?
I can't get my WH to turn the game off. It has been a problem since the first day of our marriage, & caused a lot of resentment over the years.
I guess I couldn't make him do it. I have wanted him to do more for years. He has just decided as part of R to take as much pressure off me as possible and has reframed household chores as loving and nurturing his family which he hasn't been doing enough of for a very long time, including before the A.
I'm glad you are getting to a point that you feel good again. The housekeeping will come back...but what is even better is that you worked on it together. Keep doing what you're doing! The housework will ALWAYS be there. You need this time to keep moving your M forward!
Soooo happy for you!!!
I also grew up with a Mom who was OCD about cleaning, seriously white glove test weekly in my room, drawer checks, and if not perfect she would dump them all out in a pile and I would have to reorganize it all.
Housekeeping has never been a huge priority for me, but I worked hard to keep my house nice and pretty, esp when it seemed important to H.
Now I keep it just clean enough that DFS wouldn't take the kids, and I am perfectly happy with it. Seriously, I keep my kitchen very clean, but the rest of the house not so much.
I tell my kids when I'm dead and gone, you aren't going to care if I kept a perfect house, you will care that I was always willing to go do things with you, and my family was my priority.
Now, it just doesn't take priority.
Like right now, my day off. I just got back from MC and here I am on SI.
I would like it to be cleaner and more organized, but I don't seem to have the motivation.
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
I attempted R, he was a lie
Finally this is R 8/14/13
Filed for divorce 5/8/15
We are in the very early stages of reconciliation. I can only hope my housekeeping skills will return with time, just like anything else.
After 2 years of messy we both went into clean up mode. We took loads to donate and loads to the dump. It was cathartic and the house looks better than ever. The key, we did everything together. We sorted, toted, painted, cleaned and got our house back together.
I remember that hopeless feeling permeating everything in my life, including cleaning the house. If you are dying, who cares about cleaning up?
Now, if I could just clean my mind up and scrub it, I would be a lot happier.
Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose