hugs to you!!
Sometimes he just tells these little lies and I am not really sure why.
My FWW did this. It was because she wanted people to like her, or to impress them.
I have a thought regarding lying to control.....but haven't matured that thought yet. But it is a component of a WS ability to lie to themselves in such a fashion so as to "okay" adultery as a choice for them.... To enable adultery to be a tool in their box to be used to "deal" with life.
That is part of why it is important for me to observe a change in my wife...to witness her abandoning this "tool" and replace it with healthy ones. I can not think of a situation where lying is "healthy".
God be with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 10:12 AM, October 28th (Monday)]
[This message edited by devasted30 at 10:23 AM, October 28th (Monday)]
Finally10 and I have suffered a setback. Last night he lied to me when I asked him a clear, direct question. It was about something so small and stupid. But the damage is big and disheartening. I feel dismal and depressed that he so easily lied to me. He eventually came clean, but my heart had already sunk-damage done. He appologised this morning and will be talking with his therapist about it. But...it's a setback. Ugh, no trust. He can't give me the gift of honesty because, like by having the A, he's putting himself first and avoiding things.
I do think it's a slippery slope, hopeful18. Non A things are never considered in the same way after d-day- especially lying. And the ease of lying which you speak of, truly freaks me out. I think it does undermine healing- no question.
I think Blakesteele makes good points. I want that "tool" gone, though.
I mean, if WS's lie about anything, regardless if it's A related or not...what else are they lying about??? Thats why being truthful about ANY and EVERYTHING is critical to rebuilding.
[This message edited by SoVerySadNow at 10:31 AM, October 28th (Monday)]
Any type of lie hurts recovery. Truth is an absolute for reconciling. IMHO.
All lying is manipulative. Think about it....trying to get you to believe something that is untrue.
I wish you strength and healing.
the fact that he's a liar now doesn't mean he's doomed to be a liar forever. He can learn to tell the truth, and if he does, he pretty much becomes a good candidate for partnership.
But like Sisoon wrote, doesn't mean that will be his path for life.
I remember my H saying to me during A years...we were having a convo and he wasn't sure of a fact. He followed it up with, "if you just say it with confidence people will believe you". Shudder!