hugs to you!!
Sometimes he just tells these little lies and I am not really sure why.
My FWW did this. It was because she wanted people to like her, or to impress them.
Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.
I have a thought regarding lying to control.....but haven't matured that thought yet. But it is a component of a WS ability to lie to themselves in such a fashion so as to "okay" adultery as a choice for them.... To enable adultery to be a tool in their box to be used to "deal" with life.
That is part of why it is important for me to observe a change in my wife...to witness her abandoning this "tool" and replace it with healthy ones. I can not think of a situation where lying is "healthy".
God be with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 10:12 AM, October 28th (Monday)]
[This message edited by devasted30 at 10:23 AM, October 28th (Monday)]
Finally10 and I have suffered a setback. Last night he lied to me when I asked him a clear, direct question. It was about something so small and stupid. But the damage is big and disheartening. I feel dismal and depressed that he so easily lied to me. He eventually came clean, but my heart had already sunk-damage done. He appologised this morning and will be talking with his therapist about it. But...it's a setback. Ugh, no trust. He can't give me the gift of honesty because, like by having the A, he's putting himself first and avoiding things.
I do think it's a slippery slope, hopeful18. Non A things are never considered in the same way after d-day- especially lying. And the ease of lying which you speak of, truly freaks me out. I think it does undermine healing- no question.
I think Blakesteele makes good points. I want that "tool" gone, though.
I mean, if WS's lie about anything, regardless if it's A related or not...what else are they lying about??? Thats why being truthful about ANY and EVERYTHING is critical to rebuilding.
[This message edited by SoVerySadNow at 10:31 AM, October 28th (Monday)]
Any type of lie hurts recovery. Truth is an absolute for reconciling. IMHO.
All lying is manipulative. Think about it....trying to get you to believe something that is untrue.
I wish you strength and healing.
the fact that he's a liar now doesn't mean he's doomed to be a liar forever. He can learn to tell the truth, and if he does, he pretty much becomes a good candidate for partnership.
But like Sisoon wrote, doesn't mean that will be his path for life.
I remember my H saying to me during A years...we were having a convo and he wasn't sure of a fact. He followed it up with, "if you just say it with confidence people will believe you". Shudder!