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Mothering a pre-teen daughter (T.M.I. alert!)

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stroppy_wanadoo posted 10/28/2013 12:05 PM

My almost 12 year old baby girl got her period last night. She came and whispered it quietly to me. She's mortified to talk about it, as expected, and I'm equally as uncomfortable though trying to pull it off as "no big thing." Night one of bulky pads was - errr - eventful. She was incredibly worried about going to school today.

I'm not ready for this! Nobody gave me this roadmap! I want her to stay a fourth grader forever (though she's already two years past that, in sixth grade).

Feeling sad that she's growing up so quickly.

jo2love posted 10/28/2013 12:15 PM

(((Stroppy)))

I hear you. My DD is 12, too. We talked about it over the summer since it will probably start soon. Not a fun conversation. I told her if she had a question, but was embarrassed to ask, then to leave me a note. Then I will write the answer back. Her response was priceless. "So I just have to put up with it?" Um yes honey. There isn't an opt out option.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:37 PM, October 28th (Monday)]

Lucky2HaveMe posted 10/28/2013 12:35 PM

Go to the store and get her some super THIN pads. They are very absorbent and not at all bulky.

I remember looking at my dd and said something like "I don't know what to do, but I feel like giving you a hug" We hugged and chuckled.

GabyBaby posted 10/28/2013 12:39 PM

Go to the store and get her some super THIN pads. They are very absorbent and not at all bulky.
Ditto this!
Pads have come a looooong way since I was a young teen. Its no longer akin to wearing a diaper. They're so thin now that you almost don't know they're there!

Hugs to you both- time really does fly, doesn't it?

EvenKeel posted 10/28/2013 13:08 PM

We have been on 'period-watch' for a year at my house. Each month I am so sure my DD (12) is going to be there too but nothing yet.

We practiced ahead of time. Not on purpose, but I had stocked her backpack just incase she was at school the first time, etc. She asked if she could try a pad on. So she did and announced "This isn't so bad". I said "Ohhh just wait honey!"

Someone on here had a demonstration to help their DD be less worried about leaks. Anyone remember that? They had laid out different types of feminine products and used water to show how much they absorb, etc?

It is hard because they are shy about questions and sometimes what we THINK they might want to ask....isn't it at all. I ended up getting my DD the American Girl book about her body. She spent a lot of time privately reading it.

lieshurt posted 10/28/2013 13:11 PM

Go to the store and get her some super THIN pads.

I would get an assortment of different ones, so she can determine which ones feel most comfortable for her.

MrsDoubtfire posted 10/28/2013 13:19 PM

I remember this with my DD.

My mom told me to always be prepared so I had bought some thin ones beforehand and always left a couple in her bag just in case.

When she started she laughed then cried!

Get her some really thin ones and just be there for her as it is such a big thing to start off with.

I also remember the day DD asked if she could wear tampons and I had bought her the super slim ones and talked to her about them and said the first couple of times to take it out after half hour or so (as it definitely feels odd until you are brave enough to insert them properly- sorry if TMI) and after about 3 months of periods she decided they were easier then pads.

It is a funny time for you too as you see that your baby is growing up and it's 'weird'!

Good luck

Nature_Girl posted 10/28/2013 13:43 PM

We've been talking about this for years, just waiting for the day. Bought thin pads in advance. Let her pick out a pretty "make up bag" to keep in her desk that will hold her supplies. Have talked to her teachers about this so she knows she can go to them if it starts at school. Have covered every possible angle. We're just waiting for the day.

Had fun doing a demonstration with how much water these things would absorb. It's shocking how much!!! I got all the kids involved, yes, even the boy. We made it a science experiment in the kitchen & had lots of laughs. I want to demystify the whole thing, make it not shameful as much as possible.

Kalleigh posted 10/28/2013 13:47 PM

my daugher 14 likes the Always in the green box, the yellow ones..

stroppy_wanadoo posted 10/28/2013 14:06 PM

I knew there would be many here that could commiserate!

I had attempted to talk to my daughter about this over the summer after her pediatrician at the annual check-up told us we could probably expect it within the year. She wanted nothing to do with the conversation, and kept putting the American Girl book I bought her back in my room on my nightstand, unread. I did make her take a little makeup bag of supplies to keep in her locker at school.

Her problems came overnight from sleeping on her back... and things kind of drain funny in that position. So we ended up with two pads overnight - one up the back of her underwear. She doesn't want to try tampons yet. I do have several kinds of pads for her to try.

Why does this frighten me so much?! I know I survived just fine, and I wasn't afraid for myself when it happened! But I just want to cry for my daughter (who just called and said she is home from school, and her day was fine - thank goodness!)

Tripletrouble posted 10/28/2013 16:25 PM

My DD is about a year in. I buy her the stuff marketed to teens.

k94ever posted 10/28/2013 16:29 PM

Why does this scare you?

Because:

a) it's proof positive your little girl is becoming a young woman.

and

b)
wait for it

wait for it

you are now entering the gates of Hell. Be prepared for the moodiness and eye-rolling and being treated like you are the dumbest person on earth.

{{{hugs Stroppy. Welcome to the Club}}}}

k9

Tripletrouble posted 10/28/2013 16:31 PM

^^^^^^^^ lord have mercy yes!!! My sweet as pie girl turns mean as sin when she has PMS!!!!

PricklePatch posted 10/28/2013 16:45 PM

Mine uses the noted for teens. We also called and and asked noted questions she felt reassured.

Whalers11 posted 10/28/2013 19:41 PM

I could never get comfortable with tampons.

I am a big fan of the Stayfree Ultra Thin products - I exclusively use the "Overnight with Wings" pads and never had any "incidents". Those particular ones may be too big to comfortable fit young girl underwear, but they also have regular ones that are very absorbent but not as long. They are super thin and don't feel like you are wearing one at all.

Whalers11 posted 10/28/2013 19:41 PM

Double post.

[This message edited by Whalers11 at 7:42 PM, October 28th (Monday)]

jo2love posted 10/28/2013 20:54 PM

you are now entering the gates of Hell.

Chrysalis123 posted 10/28/2013 20:57 PM

Also get her a book for teens about maturation. Leave it lying around and she WILL read it.

Losttransport posted 10/28/2013 21:10 PM

We made it very casual at our home about periods. We have three daughters, and I started talking with each of them when they were about 10, and we talk about cycles regularly: problems they may have, products that work, more importantly, products that don't! But it isn't just me, my hubby buys their pads for them, tells them if they need a guy's perspective that he will talk to them too. My girls just say, "Tom is here now," : Time Of Month!!

kickboxer posted 10/28/2013 21:51 PM

My ten year old daughter wears an insulin pump, and one of the side effects of insulin can be early onset puberty. I've noticed some subtle changes, and her well-visit confirmed my suspicions that "things" are happening.

Anyway, I wanted to talk to her about her body without worrying about her little sisters busting in or her walking into the living room and feeling embarrassed with her dad sitting there...so I took her to a hotel for the night. We ate chocolate cake and watched a movie. I brought along the American Girl book and we read through some sections together. The next morning, we slept in and hit the free breakfast...then we stayed in our room until the last possible minute before we had to check out.

As we were packing up, I told her that the world would tell her many things about her body -- how to dress it, move it, use it, who to let touch it, what it "should" look like...but I wanted her to know that I will always tell her the truth. No matter how confused she feels, she can come to me with anything and we'll figure it out together.

She gave me a little hug and got up to check under the bed...

Then she stood right in front of me, and stared me in the eye.

She said, "You said you'd always tell me the truth, right?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Is Santa real?"

Sigh.

She's still my little girl...and she knows the truth about Santa now.

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