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surprise posted 10/28/2013 12:39 PM

This just occured to me, since my SO decided that the past 9 years meant nothing I have found myself with so much spare time and nothing to fill it.
I seem to have lost all interest in anything, any old hobbies have no meaning and the only friends I have would be bar buddies and thats somewhere I really need to stay away from ATM.
How do I go about enjoying things again? How do I make friends again?

ninebark posted 10/28/2013 12:43 PM

It took me almost 2 years to sort myself out after my DDay.

I was so shattered I had no interest in anything. Then slowly I started to emerge, because my DS encouraged me to walk in the Bluenose Marthon, which then turned to running.

I started to feel better and found new interests and new friends (the old ones kinda dissapeared after the separation).

But I do remember those dark days of just existing. It sucks.

7yrsflushed posted 10/28/2013 15:29 PM

I felt the same way. My M had unfortunately defined me. What I did was make a list. I had bucket list types of things on it and small mundane things on it. This list was comprised of stuff I wanted to do and stuff I neeed to do. It had stuff on it like updating financial records, fix the wall socket, tear up the carpet, and other household D related stuff. It also had stuff like go to as many museums in my area that I could find, go on a day trip to another town, go to another state and visit, spend more time with family and friends, spend even more time with the kids, sign up for and join some meetups in my area, continue to workout everyday. In the beginning I tried to do something from the list every day even if I had to force myself. Over time I started doing things without thinking about it. It takes a awhile to adjust to single life but it's doable. The other thing is keep adding to the list.

As for meeting friends, go volunteer, if you are religious start going to a new church, look for social events in your are on meetup. It takes awhile to get going and there will be setbacks but it's worth it.

Take2 posted 10/28/2013 15:54 PM

ditto what 7years said.

Start a bucket list. I always thought I would travel - but kids, homeschooling, no money... we never did. So mine was mostly travel - and initially a pipe dream for way down the road. Still I signed up a travelzoo, watched for deals, and in the meantime I cut out pictures of where I wanted to go someday and what I wanted to see. Pinterest was a good place to explore for that.

Just getting to that list now. Carribean - check. Iceland is on deck.

Smaller things - learn to play poker, go to a concert, a play, read more, eat out more...

Bluebird26 posted 10/29/2013 06:34 AM

I am exactly the same, yet to find anything I am interested in. I catch up with friends occasionally but my spare time is so infrequent there is nothing I can commit too.

I will be moving again soon and then Christmas but after this busy period my goal is to start find things I like to do, even small things to start with hopefully that will help.

ISPIFFD posted 10/29/2013 16:37 PM

It took me a LONG time and many posts here about "how do I make new friends?" and similar laments. I still don't have many friends, but I'm doing better with filling my days with enjoyable pursuits. I've taken up soapmaking again. I volunteer at the local shelter. And I actually ignored one of my "Never again!" vows and got a dog, specifically a puppy. Wow, they are a LOT of work. But I have to admit, now that most of the puppy phase is over, he's a blast and I don't have time to be bored and feel lonely like I used to.

Keep trying new things. I know some people have had success with meetup.com groups. If there's a cause you believe in, volunteer there. Look in the local newspaper (or town website) for weekend events that might be interesting (it seems to be Fall/Harvest/apple/pumpkin Festival season these days). Unfortunately, it does take time I still see an IC every few weeks, and that helps, too.

[This message edited by ISPIFFD at 4:38 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)]

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