Every time I come to this forum gypsybird's "I got kissed" seems to leap off the page at me.
Isn't that a wonderful thing?
I have a potential new relationship that might one day lead to such a vibrant announcement. See? the world is full of possibility. might. could. one day. Aren't we all at that point in our lives about something?
One thing I have noticed is that I spend too much time second guessing, worrying, what iffing and analyzing all the ways the potential could be "misleading" or just "not there."
Why do I do this?
I have pretty much always been this way I think. Betrayal has certainly made it worse, in that I have a perfectly logical REASON for being this way.
But I don't think it is who I am at my core. At my core, real self, I think I am an optimistic, hopeful believer. What made me realize this was a throw away comment from a friend when I share my "tempered" excitement about this new guy and she asked, "Is he real?"
It is a valid question. But I got defensive on the inside. Like "why can't I deserve something great that if it seems to be present, it must be fake?"
My whole life doesn't HAVE to be a disaster.
After thinking about this, I came up with an analogy. It is about riding roller coasters. (I love roller coasters)
If the roller coaster looks unsafe I don't get on. But if the roller coaster has every indication of safety and I want that thrill and choose to ride, WHY in the world would I spend the whole time worrying about if it breaks or I fall out, or I get hurt, or it malfunctions? All of those are possibilities. But if I stand in line and get on board, doesn't it make more since to put my hands up and scream and holler and ENJOY the 3 minutes before it is over?
I don't know that I can achieve this. But I think it might be a better way of going about things than I have done.
