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gotmylifeback posted 10/28/2013 19:23 PM

I am needing to vent!

I pay my spousal support on time every time. I hate the fact that she had the affair and it is still affecting me financially. Yes, I have the degree but I also have the student loans. Plus, its not like I am making a huge amount of money.

So, I'm in a new relationship with a great girl and she has a little one. We have discussed a long term future together which is great. But, this stupid spousal support makes a difference in any kind of financial future as it related to this new relationship. Gosh I hate the fact that her A is still affecting my life like this!

Don't know if I have a point in this. Just needing to share with others who can understand.

jo2love posted 10/28/2013 19:32 PM


I'm glad you have found someone special. I'm so sorry that you have to pay ss after she betrayed you. Is it permanent or for a certain # of years?

gma56 posted 10/28/2013 20:39 PM


Infidelity keeps taking from the BS in many ways for years.

I hope for your future that SS is for a specified time only.
Big Hugs and keep pushing forward.

gotmylifeback posted 10/29/2013 00:51 AM

Support is for a little more than 2 years longer. Not forever, but it feels that way. It really sucks that she has money for her bills without having to work or even having to get out of bed. How frickin fair is that? I would rather spend that money on my SO's little one.

That money could be going for us moving in together. It sucks that I don't have that money to use in an aeffort to truly move forward. Until support ends, I still have some connection to the ex. We do not speak, but I can't truly rid my life of her completely. Plus, I still have a relationship with DD while the ex does not. I still try to help DD out financially when she needs it.

Plus, I've had to pay for counseling to get through ex's behaviors. And, lets not forget about the STD she got during her A (s) which got passed along to me. Having to pay for medication when I have an outbreak is just another expense that falls on me.

Dang, i hate taking the high road. Where is that karma bus. When does the ex start reaping the consequences of her choices and actions? It just feels like she is walking away without any consequences.

cdagal posted 10/29/2013 07:07 AM

I can relate. I've just entered year 3 of a 5 year obligation to pay XH. It's 1/3 of my monthly income that goes into his hands - he's living quite comfortably thank you very much. Between his job, the OW's job and my money, he's living quite a bit better than me. However, at the end of the day, I'm able to look myself in the mirror and know that I'm the better person here. Besides, I just look at it as a very expensive car payment
Hang in there. It will end. There's no use in trying to see the justice of any of it - there is none. But you've got your self respect and the respect of your DD and SO. Priceless!

7yrsflushed posted 10/29/2013 07:39 AM

Where is that karma bus.
Unless I missed soemthing in your post your Ex is NOT working. If that's the case the my guess is the karma bus will be rolling around in about 2 years when your SS stops. You are making ends meet now but she doesn't have a job so in 2 years you essentially get a bump in pay and she has to start working. Has she not looked at the job market lately.

EvenKeel posted 10/29/2013 09:25 AM

Besides, I just look at it as a very expensive car payment

On a broken lemon!

I know two years seems like forever when we are going through this BS; but you WILL get there. You will send that last payment and be happy-dancing away! What a load will be lifted off of you.

You stated your relationship is new so this will buy you time to take it all slow, etc.

You got this!

msk99 posted 10/29/2013 11:14 AM

Don't drive yourself into the ground with this, there really is no justice in our society for this inexcusable action. Other parts of the world, well....they are put to death.

I know this totally sucks, but just watch your nickels and before you know it that bitch is going to have to face her own reality.

gotmylifeback posted 10/29/2013 11:15 AM

Just to clarify. She had back problems for a good portion of our marriage. She has been able to work off and on but eventually went on permanent disability.

Fine, I worked a full time job and then some so she could be a homemaker. However, she ended up using that time to work out and have an A. At the divorce trial, she played the "I'm disabled card." Yea, she has back problems....but, not to the extent that she can't work. And, being in a no fault state means that the A really could not be used in the divorce.

So, now she can go to school and get her basic bills paid without having to work. Yes, she will have to get a job when spousal support ends. However, she probably living with someone by now so, my support may just be going straight into her pocket. And it wouldn't be worth it to try and prove to the court if she in fact is living with a new boyfriend.

So, I just continue to pay and wait until its over.

lifestoshort posted 10/29/2013 11:24 AM

if you have the child full time, I am not sure why you have to pay at all! but I guess thats not my business. if you have 2 yrs left, you could reopen the case so say your circumstances changed and you want the maintenance dropped (such as she doesnt see child) and 2. if that doesnt happen- count your blessing as things are better than they were before. 2 yrs is nothing compared to what you have now and it may last :)

gotmylifeback posted 10/29/2013 11:49 AM

DS is living on her own so its not like I am having to care for all of her needs. However, I try to be there to help; sometimes helping with an unexpected car expense.

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