Member # 40950
| Posted: 9:54 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013|
I hate that I told a friend about my WS ONS. I needed someone and I thought they would be there for me. My WS is not a piece of shit person. I hate hearing "this is all I know that your relationship is" bullshit. This doesn't help my healing or R. Sorry just venting :(
DDay 8/03/13 husband told me not even 24 hours after it happened.
Almost ONS actual sex never took place
Currently in R and doing great.
Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 2
| Posted: 10:28 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013|
People that you confide in need to be friends of your marriage. Those that say the things you've described are not truly listening to you nor are they supporting you in your efforts towards healing.
I'm sorry that it didn't turn out the way you felt it should.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
Posts: 208995 | Registered: May 2002
Member # 39210
| Posted: 10:35 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013|
I'm sorry :(. I waited months before I told the two friends I hung out with the most. It sucks being around people who know, but I think it's just as hard being around people who don't know. Such a double edge sword. If they don't know you or your ws that well, and aren't offering the support you need, walk away. Those roots aren't that deep. I'm learning through my own isolation though that you do need someone.
Do you have a trusted FOM you can talk to? Our church has a program of sorts, basically they will set you up with someone who has been through whatever your problem is, so you have a person to talk to. Is that an option for you? I'm guilty of not taking advantage of that though :/
[This message edited by Lostinthismess at 10:36 PM, October 28th (Monday)]
'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'
Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 40753
| Posted: 10:59 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013|
Ive told a few friends. Some have experience with infidelity, one even has an OC in the picture, some don't. The ones who don't seem to be more adamant on me leaving than the ones who do.
The ones who have made comments like your friend I just don't talk to about it anymore.
Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head
Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Member # 28611
| Posted: 8:58 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013|
I told everyone I could after dday because I didn't want OW to have any friends. It worked. However.. . Now, almost 4 years later, our whole social circle and social life has changed. It really weeded out the phony friends. So, while we don't have many friends, we do have a few true friends. I wouldn't change what I did because I couldn't bare her still be liked by anyone. She has a couple of new friends that don't know. Sooner or later she ends up losing them because of her continued poor choices. I stand tall, and appreciate the friends I have.
BS (me) 39
D-day 3/11/10 (3 month EA,1 week PA)
Whore was my best friend
Posts: 700 | Registered: May 2010
Member # 24534
| Posted: 9:01 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013|
After STBEXH and I separated I lost a lot of friends. Even through STBEXH and I have a mostly amicable relationship they seemed to be worried about picking friends so soon neither of us were invited to events anymore. Kinda depressing but it happens.
Other friends have stuck by me like a rock and just let me vent. Hang on to those friends.
BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.
Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 34827
| Posted: 9:29 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013|
I told someone that I regret horribly. It was a bad decision at a bad time and I so wish I had a do-over.. I guess we,all live and learn.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Posts: 5731 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 35846
| Posted: 9:37 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013|
DS is right here.
People that you confide in need to be friends of your marriage.
Surround yourself with those who support you and your marriage. Doing otherwise is harmful to R.
Your friend doesn't get it, and I can't say I did either, until it happened to me. We can't ask of others what they cannot give.
She thinks she is being supportive. You need a different kind of support.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
We have R'd
Posts: 3993 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
|Topic Posts: 8|