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Newest Member: Saad (61538)

User Topic: Friendships
♀ 40950
Member # 40950
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate that I told a friend about my WS ONS. I needed someone and I thought they would be there for me. My WS is not a piece of shit person. I hate hearing "this is all I know that your relationship is" bullshit. This doesn't help my healing or R. Sorry just venting :(

DDay 8/03/13 husband told me not even 24 hours after it happened.

Almost ONS actual sex never took place
Currently in R and doing great.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013
Deeply Scared
♀ 2
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


People that you confide in need to be friends of your marriage. Those that say the things you've described are not truly listening to you nor are they supporting you in your efforts towards healing.

I'm sorry that it didn't turn out the way you felt it should.

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

Posts: 210060 | Registered: May 2002
♀ 39210
Member # 39210
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry :(. I waited months before I told the two friends I hung out with the most. It sucks being around people who know, but I think it's just as hard being around people who don't know. Such a double edge sword. If they don't know you or your ws that well, and aren't offering the support you need, walk away. Those roots aren't that deep. I'm learning through my own isolation though that you do need someone.
Do you have a trusted FOM you can talk to? Our church has a program of sorts, basically they will set you up with someone who has been through whatever your problem is, so you have a person to talk to. Is that an option for you? I'm guilty of not taking advantage of that though :/

[This message edited by Lostinthismess at 10:36 PM, October 28th (Monday)]

'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'

Posts: 401 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 40753
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ive told a few friends. Some have experience with infidelity, one even has an OC in the picture, some don't. The ones who don't seem to be more adamant on me leaving than the ones who do.

The ones who have made comments like your friend I just don't talk to about it anymore.

Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
♀ 28611
Member # 28611
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told everyone I could after dday because I didn't want OW to have any friends. It worked. However.. . Now, almost 4 years later, our whole social circle and social life has changed. It really weeded out the phony friends. So, while we don't have many friends, we do have a few true friends. I wouldn't change what I did because I couldn't bare her still be liked by anyone. She has a couple of new friends that don't know. Sooner or later she ends up losing them because of her continued poor choices. I stand tall, and appreciate the friends I have.

BS (me) 39
WH 50
D-day 3/11/10 (3 month EA,1 week PA)
Whore was my best friend

Posts: 700 | Registered: May 2010
♀ 24534
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After STBEXH and I separated I lost a lot of friends. Even through STBEXH and I have a mostly amicable relationship they seemed to be worried about picking friends so soon neither of us were invited to events anymore. Kinda depressing but it happens.

Other friends have stuck by me like a rock and just let me vent. Hang on to those friends.

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told someone that I regret horribly. It was a bad decision at a bad time and I so wish I had a do-over.. I guess we,all live and learn.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Learn

DS is right here.

People that you confide in need to be friends of your marriage.

Surround yourself with those who support you and your marriage. Doing otherwise is harmful to R.

Your friend doesn't get it, and I can't say I did either, until it happened to me. We can't ask of others what they cannot give.

She thinks she is being supportive. You need a different kind of support.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 4012 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 8

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