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LearnToLoveAgain posted 10/28/2013 21:54 PM

I hate that I told a friend about my WS ONS. I needed someone and I thought they would be there for me. My WS is not a piece of shit person. I hate hearing "this is all I know that your relationship is" bullshit. This doesn't help my healing or R. Sorry just venting :(

Deeply Scared posted 10/28/2013 22:28 PM


People that you confide in need to be friends of your marriage. Those that say the things you've described are not truly listening to you nor are they supporting you in your efforts towards healing.

I'm sorry that it didn't turn out the way you felt it should.

Lostinthismess posted 10/28/2013 22:35 PM

I'm sorry :(. I waited months before I told the two friends I hung out with the most. It sucks being around people who know, but I think it's just as hard being around people who don't know. Such a double edge sword. If they don't know you or your ws that well, and aren't offering the support you need, walk away. Those roots aren't that deep. I'm learning through my own isolation though that you do need someone.
Do you have a trusted FOM you can talk to? Our church has a program of sorts, basically they will set you up with someone who has been through whatever your problem is, so you have a person to talk to. Is that an option for you? I'm guilty of not taking advantage of that though :/

[This message edited by Lostinthismess at 10:36 PM, October 28th (Monday)]

suposd2btheonly1 posted 10/28/2013 22:59 PM

Ive told a few friends. Some have experience with infidelity, one even has an OC in the picture, some don't. The ones who don't seem to be more adamant on me leaving than the ones who do.

The ones who have made comments like your friend I just don't talk to about it anymore.

LadyYoga posted 10/29/2013 08:58 AM

I told everyone I could after dday because I didn't want OW to have any friends. It worked. However.. . Now, almost 4 years later, our whole social circle and social life has changed. It really weeded out the phony friends. So, while we don't have many friends, we do have a few true friends. I wouldn't change what I did because I couldn't bare her still be liked by anyone. She has a couple of new friends that don't know. Sooner or later she ends up losing them because of her continued poor choices. I stand tall, and appreciate the friends I have.

ninebark posted 10/29/2013 09:01 AM

After STBEXH and I separated I lost a lot of friends. Even through STBEXH and I have a mostly amicable relationship they seemed to be worried about picking friends so soon neither of us were invited to events anymore. Kinda depressing but it happens.

Other friends have stuck by me like a rock and just let me vent. Hang on to those friends.

Ostrich80 posted 10/29/2013 09:29 AM

I told someone that I regret horribly. It was a bad decision at a bad time and I so wish I had a do-over.. I guess we,all live and learn.

karmahappens posted 10/29/2013 09:37 AM

Hey Learn

DS is right here.

People that you confide in need to be friends of your marriage.

Surround yourself with those who support you and your marriage. Doing otherwise is harmful to R.

Your friend doesn't get it, and I can't say I did either, until it happened to me. We can't ask of others what they cannot give.

She thinks she is being supportive. You need a different kind of support.


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