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Follow or find the secret phone number?

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chinup posted 10/28/2013 21:55 PM

If this belongs in investigative tips forum just let me know, and I will understand. Just not sure if this qualifies.

My husband has a dental appointment tomorrow. He has not told me about it. I happened to catch a peek at the email subject on his phone.

I suspect him of going places while leaving his phone at work but forwarding his number to a secret cell.

Tomorrow would be perfect because his appointment is at 11 and he could take a long lunch all the while with find my iPhone app showing him at work. Of course he may still text me tomorrow 1/2 hour before he leaves and let me know like he sometimes does, but I suspect something is going on. He spent most of the evening by himself in the bedroom watching TV with the kids out here while I work. Of course he left his main phone out by us.

Anyway, I am thinking of showing up early at the medical building to see if he shows up by himself or with someone else who might bring him (so his car remains at work too) or meet him. I then could either talk to ow who might show up and wait, follow after, or if following is too hard go to his office.

I am hoping if I end up going to office that I will hear his phone vibrate when I ring it so I can locate it and get the forwarding number plus prove he is lying about whereabouts, and if his friend is there who helps me out I can show him too. Then, I could call him from there and ask where he is to see what he says.

I'm worried about an emotional reaction if I follow him after dentist and find something. Plus I unfortunately have to bring my 3-year-old along.

So if this is in wrong forum I understand but if anyone has ideas or experiences or just some extra courage and strength lying around I could use that too!

[This message edited by chinup at 9:57 PM, October 28th (Monday)]

hitbyatruck posted 10/28/2013 22:32 PM

This seems to be a lot of chasing for something you already know and have proof of. Taking your 3 yr old along is not a great idea, period.

At most see if his phone was left at his office. I wouldn't go chasing him around with such a young child or any child at all. That is just my opinion though. I know how it feels to be desperate for more information but from your previous posts you already have solid proof.

Ostrich80 posted 10/29/2013 01:03 AM

Can you find a sitter? If you want to catch him, sounds like that might be the day.

chinup posted 10/29/2013 01:07 AM

Sometimes I don't feel like I have enough proof. I certainly don't have extremely solid proof. Not like I had in the past for his EA and his date with a single girl he knew.

You're right of course that taking my child with me is not a good idea. I hate doing any of this sleuthing myself. It puts me in a crazy place I don't want to be.

I had tried hiring a PI 2 different times. First guy couldn't because he was waiting for license renewal. Second guy said he would but then kept putting me off, canceling meetings, saying he would work without payment first since the lawyer I am going to hire had recommended him, etc. But I got nothing. For whatever reason the guy didnt want to take my case and instead of saying it outright even though I bluntly asked him kept saying he was going to work on it. Hence the dive into my own sleuthing.

I spent most of the day today trying to be calm and content, deciding I would just file with what I know because I can't take it any longer and I felt pretty good about it . Then I triggered this afternoon because my husband wasn't answering my email or calling me back and it all went downhill from there. I had asked him to call me from his work phone so I knew he was there and he was pretty mad about it but did it. Wanted to know where I thought he would be and I said I didn't know but that I felt better knowing he was there.

So I may just stop at his work or at least drive by dentist and then work tomorrow. It's common for me to be at his work. We do weekly lunch dates and I meet him there. So I won't look out of place.

It is a lot of chasing around and I am tired of it. So many better, more fun and fulfilling things I could be doing.

Thank you for your post! It has helped me to calm down and think about this more rationally .

Also my sitter probably won't be able to come as we have had some illness in the household and she is staying away until everyone is better.

Ostrich80 posted 10/29/2013 08:50 AM

I spent an entire summer sitting in a parking lot where I could view my ws
route to work, trying to see who he was seeing. I never caught him but I regret that summer I spent in a parking lot instead of home with my kids. I do know though that when your mind wont stop, its somehow calming to do something, even if its driving because you feel too antsy to stay home. Ahh the things we bs do . I haven't done it in a few years, just don't have the desire to waste my time but I totally see where your coming from, guess I stopped cuz the sucker is uncatchable. Lol

tushnurse posted 10/29/2013 09:11 AM

I would say that you seem fairly certain of things. You should probably plan a few days in the near future to do this. Get a sitter for the kiddo, maybe trade cars with her as well, so you can see what he's up to, without being obvious of following him.

I was tempted more than once to follow my H to his Out of Town business trips to see what he was really up to, but couldn't muster the courage to have someone watch my kids and make the 8 hour round trip drive. I eventually got my proof. It would have been nice to end it sooner, but I'm not sure that it would have changed the outcome.

Meaning how about focusing on you for a while, getting strong, seeing a lawyer if you haven't, plan for a few times of following him. What about a VAR in his car, or his office?

lynnm1947 posted 10/29/2013 09:15 AM

Many moons ago, I spent an evening scoping out the approach to a certain condo building and yep, caught my XSO as he whipped his Porsche into her visitor parking lot. There’s nothing as final and decisive as seeing it with your own eyes. That being said, bringing babe along………..maybe not a good idea.

karmahappens posted 10/29/2013 09:19 AM

Man that's a whole lot of crazy-making.

It's not a judgement, I have been there and I get it. I just remember the pain and emptiness but NEED to find, look , see.

(((hugs))) to you in whatever happens today. I wish I had the magic solution. Unfortunately in these instances it doesn't matter what anyone says, your gut is screaming and you need to find your answers.

I understand. Please keep your daughters safety in focus.

I think I can posted 10/29/2013 10:00 AM

What are you going to do when you catch him? Do you have a plan? Are you going to move out, ask him to move out, file for divorce? Take some time to walk yourself through those steps mentally.

It's usually not that hard to catch them. But we tend to fixate on that and not what comes next.

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