Jackie! I hear you, I am in the same boat. It was a "we" decision when married that is now an "every man for himself" situation during a divorce.
Yeah, I will never trust a man to have my back again. I am going to have my own money, own accounts, and no more of this WE shit when it comes to money.I am going to tell my daughters to keep working, always have their own money.
We both had professional jobs, and I left mine to lessen the stress in the family and so he could grow his career. It made his life easier, kids loved it and I loved it. I had the time to not be just work me and mommy me, but just me. Things seemed great to me, I was never happier!
When I picked up all the kid and house responsibilities, he used his extra time not on his career or not on me, or on our family - but on Ashley Madison pursuing an affair, Nice. And here I thought he seemed happier because we had a less stressful lifestyle, he started running again, all seemed good...and all the while I am playing SAHM he is telling me that I shouldn't go back to work unless I do something I really love, not for the money, but to follow my passion....WTF.
Seeing he was already deep into his affair, it would have been kinder to me, and smarter for him, to encourage me to get my butt back to work, esp since I had the bigger job and more money in the first place. He said recently that "he supported my decision to stay at home" not that he said he DIDN'T want me to work (because that would make his life less easy and he would have to do more)and he also refused to even try and get a higher paying job to offset my income, because he didn't want the stress or travel of a higher paying job. Seriously?? What a selfish f**K!
And in the state I live in, sadly, I will probably not get much, if any alimony. They will look at my salary history and tell me I have the potential to make money and get back to work. Too bad so sad for the rest of it, no fault state. I will have to negotiate it with him, so hopefully his "runaway train" of a plan will crash soon and he will feel some guilt and agree to some alimony because it is FAIR. But then again, he is a lier and and asshole, do not holding my breath...... SO PISSED OFF!!!!!