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Newest Member: thepainfull86 (61156)

User Topic: Will this ever end???
♀ 41022
Member # 41022
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

4 months past d day and every time we have sex, I'm wondering if he said this to her, did he touch her like this, did they use this position.... Will this ever stop?!?!

2/1/13 - 1st Dday - WH claims it is only an EA with coworker and it will end
6/19/13 - It never ended, it turned into a PA, but NOW it's really over.....he says
Married 7 years, together 11 years
3 children - 4 years, and 13 month old twins

Posts: 23 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ 37284
Member # 37284
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me personally, I still have these thoughts from time to time but not as often as I used to. I have learned to block these thoughts when they start to creep in to my mind. I think about how what they did was sex, pure simple sex. OW never had what my husband and I have, they never made love, there was no passion just mechanical sex. But yes like I say, the thoughts do still try to creep in sometimes. Give yourself time, you are only 4 months in after all.

Me - BW (39)
Him - WH (40)
D-Day 10/27/2012
3 beautiful, innocent young children.

Posts: 49 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Jacobell
♀ 40769
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 5:42 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm at three months and it still happens to me- not as often.
Have you guys discussed the physical details? I know it sounds hard and I didn't want to- but I had to. I crashed severely afterwards- but I no longer ask "did he do this with her?" Because I know what he did with her ( what he shared anyway).

We have been working in taking things back as ours- which was hard at first, but has become much more enjoyable lately.
I don't think it ever goes away, but my confidence about what we do has definitely increased. I do shut things out - and if I can't shut it out I tell him. He holds me, we talk and we try to move on. This whole thing sucks- but everyone keeps saying time helps, and in my experience so far, it is true.
The only thing that has truly helped me is talking with him about all of it. This is where I am right now and if he wants to be with me, truly in R, then we need to deal with all of the fall out... All of it. I try not to hold back when that hamster wheel in my head starts turning- I just talk to him.
I wish you strength and peace.

Just call me Wonder

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

The axe "forgets"- the tree remembers.

Divorced and super good with tha
2 DS- 15 and 16
DDay 1- 07-24-2013
DDay 2- June something or other 2017

Posts: 1245 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
♀ 38139
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am 10 months in and still have these feelings. It gets better with time. Its hard, but it gets better.

In the beginning,for me, knowing what they did was just just too painful. The main thing i did to help me thru it was to talk to my WH and find out what they DIDNT do together. I needed to know what was still mine, what he never gave her, what they never shared. I know they never had shower sex...they never took a bath together or had bathtub love...they never gave each other massages...he never surprised her/set up a romantic encounter for her with candles/soft music/incense like he did for us...he never gave her gifts or flowers or things of that nature.

Finding out those things has helped me to deconstruct their A....see it for what it really was.....being able to deconstruct it has helped me tremendously.

If knowing what they did is too hard for you....try this approach....get stronger...process. Then, when you are feeling more secure, start asking the questions about things they did do.

hugs to you

Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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