Halloween 2011 I dressed as Mother Earth, WH was an angel, all in white, complete with huge white wings.
The Saturday before Halloween he met the OW, they corresponded via phone, text, email for a whole week until they met at her house the following Saturday for sex.
This continued until the day after Thanksgiving. I found out he cheated (with somebody else) on Dec. 11.
He finally admitted to OW2 on Oct. 11, 2012. Tonight I despise him.
I made a big effort to "take back" Halloween, then find myself lost. Unable to function. I have Halloween stuff scattered all over the house for a party I'm helping decorate, I've lost my purse again, or perhaps it was stolen.
My house and yard are disorganized, cluttered, and neglected. Just like my mind and our marriage.
Sometimes I can hardly stand to be around him and his voice makes me want to run away. We are each seeing our own psychiatrist. He is so damaged MC was a total waste of time and money.
He's a sex addict. The first affair partner was a man. They did their stuff for 7 years until I busted them. Both our psychs say there is great hope, he's motivated etc . I don't really feel it. Sometimes a little. Rarely a lot. I do love him.
Just needed to vent, I guess. I moved back into the guest room about 3 weeks ago. I wonder about divorcing him.
I committed to another year because he is so messed up. He's in a special experimental cognitive behavior program.
I considered dressing up like OW and when people asked, I would say I'm a skank. But I won't. This is so hard and I'm so sad.
Dear Lord, please help me through the next few months.
and name her _____ if someone asks
no but seriously, maybe he doesn't have to be there for the party?
and no I don't actually suggest you dress up like a skank
7 years of double-digit ONS, LTA, hookers - the works.
First found out: August 20, 2013 Whole truth: January 1, 2014
This year we tried to take things back and so far it has gone pretty well. My original costume idea for this year was her as a voodoo priestess and me as voodoo doll with a giant pushpin through my heart. We ended up both dressing as witch doctors.
Taking things back is great. Don't push it. Don't force it. When the time is right you will know it.
Please follow the Reconciliation forum guidelines. There is no OW namecalling in this forum.
Thank you.
Thanks for your comments, everybody. I suck them up like a crazy person, I'm so lonely and sad. I was thrilled that a mod noticed my faux pas. Is that sick or what?
My WH spent half the evening and a couple hours this morning repairing our washer. It's on its last legs. We looked at new washers yesterday during lunch, had one picked out. I went home to get the cash, (lost my purse), thought about it, decided not to spend the money. I might need that money if he steps out again.
I want to sell this big old house, move out of town a little, into something smaller with more land. The entire time we have lived here WH has been cheating, until he was caught, anyway. 10 years.
I'm thinking about a forlorn ghost type thing, raggedy gray ghost clothes, gray makeup, spray my hair gray/white, black out my eyes etc. I don't want to be easily recognized as this will be my first major public appearance in 2 years.
Is it this hard for everybody? In the beginning I remember reading it would be 2 - 5 years. I have been on this site almost 2 years!
I want be one that just checks in now and then, to update how happy I am and offer support and encouragement to others. That is my goal.
My goal today is to get out of this bed and have a little Halloween fun and to be productive. Wish me luck.
Thank you, survivors, for throwing me another floaty. One day I'll catch that lifeline and begin pulling myself back to shore. What a ramble. Thanks for reading. Really.
I must add that writing on here is cathartic, I figured several things out or your comments lessened my stress. 1. I want out of this house. Our big Southern dream house was only my dream. I can't maintain it alone. 2. I still need an escape plan and the means to escape. 3. My husband is trying. I think. 4. It's ok to be sad. 5. I'm still incredibly hurt and fragile, but stronger than before, and no longer comatose. 6. Strangers on SI say comforting things that help me. Maybe I can feel safe here.
PS. I hate rollercoasters.
