You are trying because you truly want to save your marriage...but it takes TWO.
What your WH needs to do is step up to the plate and give you everything you need to get through this nightmare....NC with OW, honesty, transparency, answering all your questions, access to phone, etc. Anything you feel YOU need to move forward.
Is he willing to do these things?
You have both changed, and in reality, both of you will never be the same.
Take one day at a time, take care of yourself as best as you can. Meet with your doctor if necessary.